by Fred C. Rochester, Pastor Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved.
When will he come? When will he ask me the question? When will I get married? When? When? When? Why do men wait so long? Why don’t they commit? Why does everyone else find a mate and I am left all alone? Is it because I’m not attractive or beautiful? What’s wrong with me? Why won’t God answer my prayers for a man? I am about ready to quit? God I hate You for putting me through this waiting period! God. I don’t believe You any more!
If you haven’t asked any of these questions or made any of these or similar statements, then you are married or you have completely walked away from the issue of getting married.
While you probably do not care about the statistics, they serve as vital pieces of information that will help us to understand the current trends of today.
It was estimated that during the 1950’s and 1960’s that over 60% of families were married. In other words, the household had a male and female figure that were joined in holy matrimony. Today, that figure is significantly reduced to around 30% or 40%, or less.
A number of significant dynamics occurred.
DECLINE OF MORALITY
Males that claim to be men fail to uphold the standards of morality according to Proverbs chapter 5, chapter 6, verses 20 through 35, and chapter 7.
The moral fibre of those days were far better than today.
Then there is the immoral woman as recorded in Proverbs chapter 7.
It’s a two way street.
If you slept around in those days, the stigmatization applied to unmarried women of being a “slut” or an adulterous woman being called a “whore,” was once very damaging. Yet, it compelled some women to “save herself” for the right man and from having these negative titles applied to her.
For men, it was a badge of honor to be in adulterous or multiple relationships. There was little, to no negative stigma attached to men that engaged in adultery or fornication.
Completely wrong, inappropriate, sinful, shameful, and downright filthy of men. Equal responsibility belongs to both male and female that engage in sexual immorality according Hebrews 13:4.
As far as male dominion was concerned, sleeping around and scoring was normal.
Today, it is almost no big deal for women to steal “experienced” married men or to fornicate regularly. In fact, this game of sleeping around is now almost on equal footing. This means that women hunt for “booty call” just like the men do.
Single women play the field just like men do. It is also common knowledge that women engage in porn and self gratification, commonly called masturbation. In fact, one out of six women will watch porn, one in three will act out or “hook up” with a man for sex to feed an intimacy connection need.
It is already common knowledge that men engage in lustfully watching women, being Beyonce or Angelina Jolie seduced, watching porn, and masturbating more often than you think.
There was one article that was called “Cheap Sex.”
Cheap Sex was about the fact that some women no longer demand that a man marry them in order to have sex. It is now normal to text a person for sex.
They would use their electronic devices and set up a rendezvous for a sex romp. A one night stand. Maybe two or three, if the sex was good, and then they call it quits. More couples that aren’t married are still “kicking the tires” or “shacking up.”
They enjoy the benefits of marriage, but there is no legal contract or marital obligation. They can walk out from each other at any time. No commitment, no marriage, no real meaningful relationship except in the bedroom, if you call that “meaningful.”
Risky, non condom sex always end tragically.
There is no such thing as “safe sex” except between two married persons of the opposite sex.
Pregnancies, still births, miscarriages (they happen between married couples too), an abortion, STD’s (only happens when one of them cheats on their spouses of the opposite sex). Children born out of wedlock or arrange for adoption after birth. Both the mother and the child contracting HIV/AIDS. Even if there were no births or STD’s, the emotional emptiness is still there until it is temporarily filled with another sex romp.
Or is completely fulfilled in the Person of the Lord Jesus Christ according to John chapter 4:1-27, John 8:1-11.
For the most part, most women desire romance and commitment in a monogamous relationship.
The search for real intimacy and relationship continues to end for the available single woman in frustration, anguish, despondency, and utter despair. A single woman’s needs go unmet and this cycle of frustration continues.
WHAT ARE SINGLE WOMEN FACING TODAY?
The variety of apparent negative dynamics.
Black men marrying White, and Asian women, and White women are marrying Black and Asian men.
In my opinion, when two persons of the opposite sex truly love each other, it should never be a problem. When it comes to population statistics, it is true that in the United States, African Americans make up 12% or 13% of the US population.
When Black males marry White women, it is a very serious issue that significantly decrease the chances for available Black women to marry Black men. There is no question that some Black women seriously object to Black men marrying White or Asian women, and they are hurt by this.
However, I find that White men cross the color line too.
My opinion doesn’t have to be accepted, but it is clear. When two persons of the opposite sex love each other and are willing to look past the shell for the person, that’s what matters the most.
There is no way to smooth this over because the realities are before us. There will be disagreements and anger because of what I said (this is I speaking, not the Lord), but we must be honest about what is before us and begin to look at the total picture. It doesn’t mean that you have to accept it. Just look at the facts with an honest and open heart and mind.
Even if I were say that God really brought two racially different persons together, for the person that isn’t married to object and take exception, I have to agree with you that there is very little comfort and solace.
My prayer to the Father, in Jesus’ name is that you do not be bitter about it. Be better about it by “walking in the Spirit” and “let love be without hypocrisy,” according to Romans 12:9. Resist and refuse to harbor resentment, envy, and jealousy according to James 3:13-18.
When you can’t do this, (that is walk in love about it), you have made a choice to refuse to do what Christ would want you to do about it. Anytime we refuse to do what the Word says to do, we are walking in disobedience, and we cannot expect God to do much to change our own situations when we willingly stuff our disobedience in His face.
There are things that must be broken in us if we want to see a breakthrough for us.
More men are incarcerated. More men are exploring same sex, self sex, or bisexuality to self satisfy sexual intimacy needs apart from women. More men are unemployed and are unable to financially sustain a family, let alone themselves. More males remain childish males mentally.
These factors significantly decreases the possibility of women getting married. What this means is that some of the men still see life as a game and sex is a part of that game they play. They must be broken, in Jesus’ name. Available single women are waiting for men to show up.
Which of you males are willing to put away childish things and become a man?
You know that men have a penis but they don’t use their brains first. Their sex drives compels their lower anatomy to do all their thinking for them.
Sexually only minded males will only view of women from a commodity perspective. The “sexual objectification of women” only for satisfying a sexually immoral desire. The male’s flawed thinking is that the body of a women is just a container to get off on. Use and discard a woman just like a condom.
Not realizing that the woman is a person with feelings, emotions, and is a human being. Worthy to be loved, honored, and respected.
With this type of immorality going on, men are no longer forced by single available women to commit to her and be in a meaningful relationship when “free tail” from immoral women is offered.
Then there is the flawed, at best thinking that, “If I don’t let him have me, I will never get him.” Or. “I’ll give him a baby, and he will marry me!”
That’s the whole purpose of prostitution or one night sex romps. Give a man only one thing and that’s it. All of the other stuff is not a part of what men pay for.
But deep down inside, the male will one day, be a man and come to the conclusion that they need feminine connection, relationship, and spousal affirmation. Not just from the bedroom but from life as a whole. Deep down inside a man, he is looking for a person that would accept him for who he is. And right now, all he is thinking about is to be accepted and affirmed from one selfish aspect.
The sense of physical sex and achieving orgasm for accomplishment, or job well done in the bedroom, is his only objective. It’s a cry for intimacy by relationship that he, himself concluded could only be attained through sex acts.
Why do men take so long to come to their senses?
Sex to him is incorrectly considered a sport. A “score.” A reward for winning. When everything else fails around him, he goes to the one place where it is a guarantee that he will be rewarded.
These are just some of the things that single women face as to why men do not commit to a meaningful relationship.
Then there are men that can’t get past wounds inflicted from previous relationships. He self determined that they are too painful for him to overcome to engage in another relationship. So he engages in meaningless sexual relationships for sex only because it requires no commitment.
This is very disparaging for single women.
For single women, the “competition” is fierce and intense. Even in the church. For the most part, the church is somewhat to blame because there is very little, to no teaching to men about dating, sex, relationships, commitment, connections, how to rightly treat women, and so forth.
Then the places where connections take place is more of a worldly culture than Christian.
The night clubs, malls, movie theaters, street hangout, private and semi-private parties are the common places where “hook ups,” are happening. Some “so called” Christian concerts is another venue.
Looking at the church scene, we see that not many men show up in small churches. In fact, there was one article that revealed that the place to go meet a man is in the mega churches or a fairly sized church. That’s because the chances for being noticed exponentially increases where more males show up.
But also in these mega or large churches, there is a lot of single available women waiting to be noticed. These women range from chaste, to extremely provocative. I find that for the most part in the medium and mega churches where there is a single male pastor available, more single available women will show in hopes of being noticed and get married to that pastor.
There is no doubt that marrying a pastor is on the list because the pastor’s personality, outspoken nature, possible good looks, power, influence, money, and other high end aspects is extremely appealing to single available women. There is no doubt that even married women will “get counseling” just to get in bed with that pastor. It has happened, so don’t be naive or fooled.
But for the most part, righteous single women just want a man that would be interested in her. She wants him to be successful, working, responsible, caring, loving, sensitive, fun, and above all, one that is serious about the Lord, as well as be serious about family values, and commitment to one woman.
She is looking for someone that will love her for who she is. A beautiful, attractive, intelligent, and a well grounded woman. Grounded in the sense that she lives by basic godly principles.
These virtues is very appealing to a man.
These principles is not about housekeeping, child bearing, and raising. It is not about being a “momma” to the man. It’s more about common relational connections that makes being around each other fun, exciting, and challenging. Challenging in the sense that you are learning each other and adapting or adjusting to make a relationship work.
It is in this aspect that women shine and the best is brought out of her.
All she needs is for a man to take a chance.
Finally, the risk is there. A man takes a risk. A woman takes a risk. In my judgment, mistakes are going to be made. Perfection is a fleeting thing. First impressions are lasting impressions but somewhere along the line, in making a choice, a hair or two will be out of place.
Men. Stop dawdling and accept her with that hair out of place. All she needs is a brush or comb to put it back in place.
Man. A piece of meat will be found in between your teeth when you put on your best smile after dinner.
What am I saying?
Men. You need to get off the sidelines and pick one. She is right there in front of you. Pick her. Compatibility is sometimes determined when you first set eyes on each other and begin to look past the skin, and see a person that desires your love.
And if you are in a relationship, how ready for marriage are you going to get? She is waiting for your proposal. She is waiting on you to get serious and pop the question. She is waiting to walk down that isle and give you everything you could ever imagine.
My brother, if you are reading this, perhaps you need a little push. You might be asking the question, “How will I know she’s the one?”
Sometimes you won’t know until she walks down that isle. You won’t know until you are on your sick bed and you look up, and she is right there. You won’t know until you can’t pay the bills but she willingly puts her resources together to help you. You won’t know until you wake up next to her after the wedding, and you see her smile across her face.
That smile is a smile of, “I thank God you picked me.”
Single women, do not give up on God.
Sometimes what you need to do is venture outside the normal. See new places and meet new people. It’s a risk that everyone takes. But you won’t know until you go. Sometimes you are waiting too long for the one that you think is to be your soul mate.
But he keeps you waiting and waiting. HE is a fool because he failed to recognize that God put you there for him.
It’s time for you to make a decision because you can’t let a male person that is known to go no where keep you from going somewhere.
There are many place where you shouldn’t go. God knows that you do not need to go to places where the dating is nothing more than going to clubs/brothels, or strip joints.
You are worth more than that, and you should never lower your standards to hook up with the wrong bozo/bonehead that thinks only about satisfying his other head.
www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailingword1 (please listen to our Secret Sexual Sins Broadcast)
Truth be told.