By Fred C. Rochester, Pastor. Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved.
Attraction of the opposite sex. Compatibility. Relationship, Romance, Marriage. Kissing. Necking. Petting. Fondling. Intercourse. Orgasm!
Yes! Yes! YES! AND OH YES!!!
Then comes children, child rearing, and the cycle of life starts all over again.
The seemingly insatiable desire for more sex between married Christian couples.
These are the common words associated with sex. Don’t blush because you see this everyday on satellite, DVDs, cable, or the Internet. But only of the sexually immoral kind. Like Adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, and bestiality. Very few of us ever wonder if Christians that are married have enjoyable, meaningful, red hot sex. The answer depends on who you ask.
Now that the economy and measurable STDs are forcing couples to reconsider severing relationships, we still see that marriage between a male and female is God’s best plan for the safest sex. One thing is clear, many people, Christians and pastors or ministers, engage in unsafe sexual immorality almost on equal footing as the world.
The reasons range from a mistress such as work, business, or other non sexual activities to an actual affair with a body.
My late Aunt once told me that sex is enjoyable for unmarried couples too, or words to that affect. As a young preacher, I was taken aback by her statement. She didn’t care that God’s ordained plan for safe sex is within the confines of marriage.
Most professed born again believers desire sex. We are human. It is a natural God given desire. However, the best way to enjoy sex is in a monogamous relationship between two distinctly opposite and sexually compatible individuals that love each other. Disagree if you wish but the penalty is still there to remind you of what God originally intended.
Contrary to many beliefs and current trends of thinking, sex is a very much in demand subject but least talked about in the Christian church. Sometimes the only time that sex is talked about is when sexual immorality takes place. We hear nothing but the negative.
There must be a presentation of a balanced approach if the church is to stem the tide of sexual immorality in the church. The objective of consequential judgment is to remind us of what the Holy Lord said in His Word.
Hebrews 13:4 says,
“Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled (unsoiled); but adulterers and fornicators (porn) God will judge.”
As long as you are married, your sex romps is according to God’s original intent and the bed is free of human defecation or contamination. Sin contaminates the bed like having sex in a bed full of human feces. I know gross and graphic but how else could God’s word describe adultery and fornication?
There is a positive side to great sex within the confines of holy matrimony. We must remember that before we were Christians, we were sinners in the world. When we accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, our sexuality came with us. The only thing that should have happened is that the perversion of sex should have ceased.
UNDERSTANDING THE LORD’S RULES
The first instance of NT teaching along these lines came from the Lord Jesus. In actuality, the NT started when Pentecost came. Nonetheless, Jesus came with a word that startled many men.
In Matthew 5:27, the Lord Jesus sat on the mount and talked about…sex.
Well, sex of an adulterous nature.
We must understand that whoever creates any thing has a right to make up the rules.
Just like certain games. Whoever created the game must create the rules so that the game could be played correctly. When there is a violation of the rules in the game, there must be a penalty or a reset to start the game over. That’s the games of this world. But when it comes to life’s rules, the stakes are much higher. The penalties are stiffer. And in most cases, irreversible.
What man has decided to do is change the rules apart from the Creator expressed in the Word of God.
The Word of God is the rule of law.
When we violate the Word of God, we are subject to its penalty and consequences.
“In the beginning God created…”
Our names cannot be found anywhere in Genesis chapter one so that excludes and exempts us from changing the rules.
Why?
We are powerless to create.
We are only allowed or empowered to procreate or REPRODUCE.
God created man from the dust. We do not have that power to take dust and make a human. When you have figured out a way to take dust and create a container and then blow into man the breath of life to become a living soul, please let us know.
God produced male and female. Male and female are to reproduce more males and females.
To do this, man must have sex. However, before he could have sex, he must have a wife.
THE SEXUAL CIRCUITRY OF MEN
There are many distractions that inhibit both the husband and the wife from sexual performance.
Jobs, kids, timing, emotions, financial security, and energy.
These are some of the obstacles that couples face everyday. According to Dr. William M. Struthers, who wrote the book, “Wired For Intimacy,” men are “wired for sex.” While this is a book about how pornography affects the brain, it is a clear indication that men, on sight and thought, can get his engines ready and revved up for sex.
The circuitry or influence of sexual behavior is different for both male and female. The problem for married couples is making the necessary adjustments and mutual compromises to make sex enjoyable. Sex could be work but under the right circumstances and situations, sex could be taken to places that would make a marriage last for life.
There are many people, inside and outside the church that shut down the kind of sex that would keep marriages from falling apart. Married women are inhibited and sometimes insecure of their bodies. This can definitely put a strain on the kind of sex she would love to give her husband.
The idea is not to make changes that a person is not comfortable or capable of making unless the desire is there. In making changes, an opposite effect could take place as well. What kind of reaction will other men have when your wife comes in after making certain changes?
We all know what men fantasize about. Men are sight wired and thought wired.
Proverbs 27:20 says,
“Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.”
The eyes of man is always in search for beauty to stimulate his mind. Just because a man’s eyes are never satisfied does it mean that he has permission to seek other women in an attempt to satisfy something that could never be satisfied.
When a man gets married, he picked the one woman that he wants to look at for the rest of his life. Married man, your eyes cannot google and your mouth cannot dribble at another woman. Once you are married, no other woman is to be desirable for you. No other woman is more beautiful. The search switch must be turned off after the marriage is solemnized and consummated in the bedroom.
As devastating it is to a woman you are engaged to, during that “feeling out” not “shacking up” process, you can break off the engagement. Reneging on the promise to marry is a very hurtful and coldblooded way to get out of a relationship unless you’ve observed something in yourself that reveal that you are not ready to take on the responsibility of relationship. Cold feet is also just a man getting scared of the fact that his commitment to a wife prohibits extramarital sins.
Once he is married, he can no longer play the field. To do so would risk and compromise his health for the rest of his life.
This is the most difficult part for man because other women that aren’t married are always in passive search mode. So unmarried and even some married women will wear things that range from provocative to conservative to attract the attention of a man.
In some cases, they’ll attract the roving eyes of a married man.
It is left to the man to enforce the discipline of his eyes during marriage on one woman only. His wife. No matter how desirable another woman may be.
Job 31:1 says,
“I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I look upon young woman?”
Job was married and the sin of sight adultery never entered his mind. His statement was a statement of fact that sexually looking and lusting after a young woman was not the door for calamity to enter his life. Not too many men, including me, could say that.
THE SEXUAL CIRCUITRY OF WOMEN
Now the opposite of a wired man is a wired woman. The circuitry for her is clearly different. We know that in the fantasy of women, it’s the romance. It’s all about how she feels about herself that makes her feel attracted to her husband. Her sexuality is tied to her emotions and the way she feels about herself. She must be coaxed or gradually persuaded to engage in sex.
Coaxed or persuaded not in the abusive sense.
Why?
It’s all about treating her right.
She has to feel secure, safe, loved, connected, affirmed, and esteemed for her real value.
While she is also sight minded in the sense that she sees something in a man that she feels attracted to, the attraction is partly about how will that man treat her. When a woman has many things going on in the mind or within her emotions, the way she feels determines whether or not she will sexually engage with her husband.
The bedroom value increases exponentially when these things are firmly established. Brothers, great sex will always come when you value her for who she is and not only what she could do in the bedroom. Hot, steamy sex for married couples is achievable when a man does the right thing with her wife.
Telling her truthfully honest and meaningful things in a loving way will start her engine.
Dis-arming your wife with kindness will help her unwind.
When you are uptight and she is uptight, it only leads to no romps. When you take the time to resolve the issue and hear her out, when she believes in her heart that you have “connected” with her, the physical connection will happen.
Why?
She wants to know that you understand her for her.
If her mind isn’t resting or rested but preoccupied with the events of her life, she must be given time to resolve these issues.
Men love beauty.
That’s what a man desires. But outer beauty is only an introduction to the inner beauty of his queen. Therefore, inner beauty makes the outer beauty that much more enticing. That’s what intimacy is about. A husband wants to get into his wife but the true door to her is her heart.
The external is just the introduction.
The natural expression of sex is the culmination of what you have found deep inside her heart.
Her love for you.
When she knows that her heart has been penetrated, a natural penetration takes place.
When orgasm takes place, oh my!
In Ephesians 5:32, Paul said that, “This is a profound mystery.”
When a man treats his wife the way Christ treats the church, my goodness.
The marriage bedroom of a man and his wife can be too hot to handle. And there would be no shame.
So yes, Christians can have steamy, hot sex. It’s all a matter of understanding how to appreciate and esteem each other in ways that lead to a series of hot bedroom romps that the world wish they could have.
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