After dinner, they knew that the finale is about to take place. That’s right. Candlelight dinner at home under dimmed lights. He gazes into her eyes but she knows that look. He is looking deeply into her heart. She feels special because he treated her the way she ought to be treated. As his wife, she knows what he likes. She was already wearing a hot short, short, low cleavage dress that caught his eyes. It was revealing enough for him to only think abut what is behind door number one, two, three, and four. That dress was wearing her every curve and she caught her husband checking her out.
Somehow, over the 20+ years of marriage, it didn’t get old or stale because spontaneity in the bedroom became the spice of their relationship. But what makes it also important is that they enjoy each other’s company every day. They share their lives and try not to make the mistake of making small trivial issues into a towering inferno. They much rather love each other fervently and have a hot marriage, culminating in a very hot bedroom than to have a failed marriage.
As he gently whispered his love to her, he takes her by the hand, and leads her to their bedroom.
She desires her husband even more.
A couple of candles.
The soft scent of cherry blossoms filled the room.
Some soft romantic music in the background.
The second half of the night is set.
He gently pulls her close and kisses her on the lips, cheeks, and under her neck.
She kisses back and exhales in anticipation of his next move.
In just a few moments, two born again believers in Christ, a married Christian couple will consummate and physically express their deep, intimate love for each other.
Song Of Solomon 2:7 (NIV) says,
“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”
The New Living Translations says this,
“Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the swift gazelles and the deer of the wild, not to awaken love until the time is right.” The margin note of the latter portion says, “…not to awaken love until it is ready.”
Men are ready to have sex at the drop of the dime, but for women, it takes a little time to get the engines started. There is a reason, and it’s simple. Men are physically and emotionally “wired” because of sight, sounds, and thoughts or fantasy. The drug, “vasopressin” is excreted into the blood stream and that’s what give a man, along with “testosterone” and “adrenaline”, among other chemicals, his ability to be aroused very quickly.
The rest is history.
All he needs is his wife and hot sex is never a problem for him.
For women, it is not that way.
They are “romantically” wired. In that they need a little time to “get into the mood.” Women loved to be swooned, pampered, caressed, loved, and feel cared for in order for them to enjoy quality marital sex.
Most men are not romantic. Let’s be honest. Hot sex is about how he wants to sexually handle a woman. Even this is wrong in a way because now the wife is an object and not a person.
What a husband has to do is learn his wife. The first lesson is that she is a person, not an object. Second, she wants to connect with her husband emotionally and mentally. She wants sex but equally she wants to know that she is valued and esteemed by her husband.
This is accomplished apart from the bedroom.
Holding hands, conversations, and participation in her husband’s life makes her feel like she’s on top of the world with her husband.
Bedroom performance is not the true measure of quality sex.
Sex acts apart from true contractual connection is just two bodies performing like sex machines. That’s what porn is about. That’s what prostitution is about. That’s what having a mistress is about. That’s what masturbation is about.
Sexual action is just a conquest just to get off.
Nothing is shared.
Men are not values minded until they systematically delete all of the negative effects of porn. So it will take a while for a man to delete the porn effect that salacious movies offer.
According to Dr. William Struthers, “porn hijacks the brain.” When a man watches porn, several things go through his soul.
1. The woman of porn that he is watching are beautiful. They have to be if men are going to watch porn. Little does he know that porn is like a carrot on a stick that he will never get to eat. What he is really thinking is that “she is beautiful and desirable to have. I want her.”
That’s lust or longing for that which is forbidden.”
What is forbidden?
Having another woman other than his wife.
This is called “adultery,” and she doesn’t have to literally be in your bed. If she is in your mind, and you are dreaming, thinking, or meditating on how you are having her in bed, you’ve committed adultery in your heart (see Matthew 5:28). You could think about having your wife all day long and consummate that thought in healthy sexual ways as a married couple.
2. The man is concentrating on the sights and sounds of the sex act that deceives him into thinking that he is not getting this in the bedroom. These are unhealthy sexual thoughts designed to deceive you to search elsewhere, other than your wife, for sexual fulfillment.
Wives you must understand that with porn, it is all make believe.
It’s false intimacy and demonic fantasy. For the deceived man, he is tricked into thinking that this is the kind of sex he is to be having. If he is not having sex like what porn portrays, he believes he is not having hot steaming, good sex.
The things of life usually has a way of causing a husband to “disconnect” from his wife.
Porn is only fuel to that fire of disconnection.
What does this have to do with hot steamy sex?
It has a lot to do with it.
If you have noticed the contrast already, then you have figured out correctly that the world’s intention is to deceive you into thinking that the greatest place of sexual fulfillment is in sexual immorality. Porn also lies to you that Christians have boring sex lives and will never enjoy good, hot, steaming sex.
This is the place where many men disconnect from their wives, and have fallen in Secret Sexual Sins.
This is the place where many wives are pushed aside and never experience true love from their husbands. This is where many women, prostitutes, mistresses, and female fornicators that flaunt their body become trapped in places of false love and are always in search for connection (see John chapter 4). They intentionally use their body and beauty as power over weak willed men to control a man’s libido.
Resistance is futile unless a man comes to the place of the sexual discipline of Jesus according to Romans 13:13-14, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, 9:27, 2 Corinthians 7:1, and Hebrews 4:12-16.
Husband, if you want your marriage restored, you have to get away from the places of darkness. Secrecy is the breeding ground of sexual sins. If you are struggling in your flesh to have “strange flesh,” you need help. You could be a level one sex addict like I was.
Wives, if you want your husband, do not stop praying for him, and do not get caught in the opposite trap of lies that you are not as beautiful as the porn stars. That you have to perform in bed like the porn stars to keep your husband.
You do not have to lower your values to make your husband stay. If changes are warranted, make them because you want to. Do not make them because you feel pressured to make changes. You do not have to go crazy trying to create myths to please your husband.
Your happiness, peace, and security is predicated on the fact that God created you the way you are. You must love you for the way God created you and not try to reinvent yourself to make your husband be pleased about you.
When Paul said, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for her,” there were no conditions imposed in between these words. It is unconditional love that you are to receive. Anytime a man places conditions on you, it is not the love that Christ has for the church. Unconditional love. Nothing less, is what you are to receive.
The road to hot steamy sex is a long journey because he has to get to the place of “sexual sobriety.”
Married Christians can have hot sex.
It is God’s intention because He created sex for males and females that are married to enjoy each other, inside and outside the bedroom.
If you are caught in the trap of sexual addiction, porn, masturbation, prostitution, or mistresses, click the link above called “Sexual Addiction Recovery.”
You can have hot sex with your wife.
Wives, you can turn your husband on and give him a night he’ll never forget.
Married Christians, you can have hot sex.
Hotter than the world because God ordained it so.