Month: December 2011

Losing your virginity.

Most people do not mind losing it because it’s the thing to do, these days. The crown achievement of males and females. Giving away that which is prized the most in life. There is a godly way of losing your virginity. And there is the world’s way of losing it. There are many things you must consider before you do.

What is the cost?

The cost is more than one thinks they are willing to pay.

Many young people including many young Christians make the promise never to have sex until they are married but issues and peer pressure convinces them to engage in sex.

Please listen to Secret Sexual Sins on www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailingword1 regarding sexual immorality in the Christian church.

The purest way to lose your virginity is the way Adam and Eve lost it. The Lord heard Adam’s desire for a mate and the Lord said, “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.” The Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam.

It would be Adam’s last night alone. Don’t get mad ladies but it would be his last moment of any rest. Adam slept good for the rest of men.

God probably said to Himself that Adam is going to need all the sleep he needs for what He was about to give him. Mind you, Eve wasn’t trouble until after she talked to the devil through the serpent.

Before the fall, there is no doubt that Adam and Eve had sex. We do not have any written proof that they engaged in sex until after the fall. After the fall, it seemed that they had learned each other enough to know exactly how to act out sexually with each other.

The Bible tells us that the death of Adam occurred at age 930, but there is no record of when Eve died. No mention. Eve’s name is only mentioned 4 times in the Bible. Twice in the OT, and twice in the NT. That troubled me because afterwards, in most cases, we see the deaths of other significant wives recorded. Some good. Some bad.

Again, there is no doubt that Adam had sex with Eve before the fall.

Eve, the mother of all living, and Adam, a man of color, because his name means “ruddy.” According to Brown-Driver-Brigg’s Hebrew lexicon (definition of words), Adam also means “red.”

We are not talking about the blood of Adam. That’s because it is common knowledge that when blood is exposed to the outward elements, it turns red. The name Adam is in reference to his skin color. However, Adam would have the entire human spectrum within him and Eve would give birth.

Acts 17:26 says, “And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth…”

When Eve was taken out of man, Adam said that “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man.”

Flesh of my flesh referred to Adam’s physical human features with only one exception. She is feminine. Therefore, God placed within man a natural desire for the opposite sex the moment Adam laid his eyes on Eve.

Eve was made as a man with a womb. Woman is the Hebrew word, “Ishshah.” According to Brown-Driver-Brigg’s Lexicon, the word “woman” is defined as, “a woman (opposite of a man).”

There is masculinity and there is femininity.

The only thing that God took out of Adam was a bone. Out of that bone, God created a completely unique human being that is able to satisfy everyone of Adam’s desires. The physical features of the opposite sex is what makes attraction so powerful.

Man’s inquisitiveness and woman’s mysteriousness, makes the pursuit of interaction a very rewarding experience. Provided that each knows how to treat each other correctly. In the Garden, seduction wouldn’t be necessary. In the Garden before the fall, there is no shame. Sexuality is in bounds. Eve’s influence would be enough to get Adam to engage. Which is exactly the way God intended. Adam was to work the Garden but he knew that afterwards, there would be a time to get to know his wife.

When the Lord brought her to the man, it gives us the indication that the Lord took the rib from Adam and went a distance to create her. I believe that after the Lord closed up Adam, the sleep would be delayed long enough that by the time God finished His second masterpiece, Adam would wake up.

Let’s go to the perversion of the world. When a man desires to look lustfully at beauty, it doesn’t take long to illicitly find women as sexual objects. With the lusts of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the imaginations running rampant in perverted men, we see that the original intent of looking for a mate of the opposite sex became perverted and depraved.

Before perversion, Adam took one look and was completely smitten. Recently, I took some pictures that my wife had taken. Looking at her reminded me of what happened when Adam looked at Eve for the very first time.

Let me tell you, my wife is hot.

I call her sexy hot!

Yeah, you better believe I have a picture of her on my iPhone and iPad. And no, they are not pictures that you would find in the salacious section. These pictures were normal pictures. However, in these regular pictures, I could see her radiant beauty that reminds me every time why I married her.

No matter what women are out there, she is the only one.

We lost our virginity legitimately and we were not ashamed.

During my time in foolishness; porn and self gratification, commonly called masturbation, I lost sight of my wife. She was there but when it comes to selfishness, you are completely inundated with the beauty of other women. They literally stole my heart.

Men are such men.

In that when it comes to beauty, it is not about what is past their eyes, or what is going on with women as a person. It’s about what you desire to do to them in bed.

Notice that I said, “It’s about what you desire to do TO THEM in bed.”

With my wife, you can never do to her what you would do with other women. And when you attempt to do so, the time of intimacy is just another sex act that makes your wife feel dirty. When it comes to losing your virginity, chances are, the boy has seen a few porn movies and will abuse you or do something that he seen done on a porn movie.

When we were married almost 30 years ago (from 2011 to 1982), she was 21 and I was 20. Both of us never had anyone else sexually. We had dated others before, but we saved ourselves for each other. In the sense of virginity, it is the ability to refrain from every form of sexual experiences until the contractural obligation was solemnized.

Of course, we kissed. Of course, we really got close to the edge but we recognized where the edge was and cooled off before our out of control, evil passion brought us to the place of shame. Yes, we were born again believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, but we promised each other and our parents that we would ever cross that line. It was important that we follow the ritual of Biblical Christian tradition to keep our love for the Lord above anything else. We desired to please God and keep our conscience cleared.

We got close but never crossed that line. Never!

After we were married in 1982, I left the Navy December of 1983. Two years later, Sheryl was born, April 27, 1985. It was then that the power of producing children shook me to the core. My late Aunt Leona took one look at my beautify daughter and said, “It’s a good thing that you were married when Sheryl was born. You would not have been able to deny that this one is yours.”

She was right.

Children out of wedlock spoils the legitimacy of the biological parent’s relationship. The child is not illegitimate. The sex outside of marriage is illegitimate and when a child comes as a result, the virginity that was celebrated is lost forever. The difference was that you consented to have sex with someone that you love or with someone with hormones out of control without entering into a solemnized relationship.

Even with condoms, the RU486 morning after pill, and other contraceptives, when virginity is lost outside of marriage, the shame manifests in the same way. Interesting to note that RU486 is the same company that developed Zyclon B, the manufacturers that produced the gas that was used to exterminate the Jews during WW2.

No one that ever had sex outside of marriage escapes the shame.

No doubt, after the Lord gave away Eve like an earthly father would give away a daughter, Adam and Eve perhaps walked away to a secluded place. And not just to chat. The wedding was over! The reception? What reception? It was time to explore. And we are not talking about the Garden. Look. Adam watched his bride stroll in with God. You know that Eve seen Adam and gave him a smile as she strolled. It wasn’t one of those kinds of smile that seemed like she liked what she saw.

And it wasn’t the kind of walk that was reserved. Though it wasn’t a cat walk kind of thing, it was enough for Adam to drool. How do you know? You weren’t there. You are right I wasn’t but I was at my wedding, no doubt.

And when I saw my bride, yes! Yes! YEEESSSS!

She is mine.

Unlike Adam, I had a reception, But when you are a virgin and you never had a woman before, you want to find out what it is like to have a woman, just like a woman wants to know what it is like to have a man. You’ve saved yourself for this moment. Now all that is left is to…..enjoy the view.

Women loved to be touched. That’s a woman’s make up or sexual constitution. But they also love to connect as far as communication is concerned. Adam loves to touch. This is his make up or constitution. Yes, he likes to communicate but he communicates by analyzing, contemplating, cut to the chase with physical exploration.

When it came to losing their virginity, sex in the Garden of Eden probably was paradise. Notice, that verse 25 of Genesis 2 says, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

Before sin entered their lives, they had no shame.

Interesting to note that the word, “ashamed” in the Hebrew means, “to pale.” According to Strong’s Greek/Hebrew Definitions, ashamed also means, by implication, “to be disappointed or delayed.” According to Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew Lexicon, ashamed means “(according to Hithpolel), to be ashamed before one another.”

They didn’t delay what they wanted to have. That is, Adam and Eve had that natural desire to lose their virginity. They weren’t ashamed. God gave Adam what he wanted and the rest is bedroom history. Virginity properly lost.

There were no inhibitions between Adam and Eve. Their virginity was pure and their sex was pure. Just as the Lord intended.

Why does the world celebrate the loss of their virginity outside the confines of holy matrimony?

It’s their right of passage that they are no longer celibate. Having experienced acting out sexually outside the confines of marriage is their breakaway from tradition, righteousness, and God. Not realizing that a world wind of trouble has been unleashed.

Women are more ashamed then men because men are men. Men know how to suppress the shame because it’s all about getting off. Most women want to do it right. However, men are very persuasive. And, men are liars.

Then there are women that hunt passively for male companionship. They want sex without the relationship. With other males in the work place, they sometimes believe that they can have the best of both worlds. Sex without marital ties. Male companionship without all the relational pains. Its also called cheap sex.

“Yo, baby. 9 o’clock, my pad.”

And that’s all some woman needs.

However, I tend to believe that this is on the low end because generally, women want to have a husband and have a family. Having a husband and a legitimate family is what gives a woman complete self worth and value. When she holds out and saves herself for the right man, her conscience is at ease and she finds a great deal of satisfaction in knowing that she accomplished a feat that evades a lot of women.

With the ratio between men and women at about 4 or 5 to 1 man, the competition to find a good man that will be faithful and responsible reduces as the days go by. Therefore, sometimes, a “what have I got to lose” mentality invades their thinking and they set off to lose what is valuable to them. The depraved part is that there’s a lot men that know that there are desperate women everywhere and will take advantage of their desperation.

As a result, many women end up regretting their sexual decisions.

It is not all the woman’s fault.

It is in a woman to mate with a man. However, men still don’t get it. Instead of doing it right, they go about it the wrong way. That’s why child support laws are the way they are. It takes two to go to bed and produce a child and by God’s design, it takes two opposite sex parents to properly raise a child.

We put the brunt of the blame on the women when they lose their virginity when males are equally, if not, more responsible. Males never look at it from a down the road perspective.

That’s because the immediacy of the orgasm is more important.

When a child is produced, the majority of them walk away because they were physically capable to get sex, but they somehow lose all competency when a child comes as a result.

That’s why I do not have any sympathy for a male that walks away and never takes care of his moral obligation to treat women better. That’s why the courts forces males to pay child support. The only way men survive is when they work off the books.

Which is just another way of circumventing their court order responsibility to care for their child, or children. The women are not supposed to be treated as commodity. They are persons with feelings and are worthy of the right kind of man that will take good care of them through thick and thin.

The courts show no sympathy for a male at all that make babies and refuse to care for them. The courts ruled correctly that a major portion of their check be garnished. Not as punishment, but to legally take a more than reasonable portion to ensure that the single parent can adequately care for the child.

Single ladies, before you get naked, think about what you are about to do. He smoothed talked you out of your clothes. In the back of your mind, you know that it’s bad, but the front of your mind says, this feels good. You feel that by giving him your body, he would stay with you forever.

Then the moment of truth comes. You missed your period. Or worse, as a male, you picked up an STD because he slept with another woman last night that passed the disease to him. Then he passes that same disease to you.

Or, you slept around with another man and gave him an STD.

Maybe you dodged a bullet.

But what happens even if you did dodge that bullet?

Is it possible that what is lost can never be regained?

What does the Bible say about it?

We all know what the Bible says even if you do not know a chapter or a verse.

Sin is sin.

There is no way around it.

To suppress the truth only emboldens a person to engage in more sexual immorality. The stigmatization of lost virginity, STDs, and pregnancies out of wedlock should have been enough to deter sexual immorality. However, the statistics prove otherwise. Where there is no fear, the dare or risk deceptively decreases.

Not to mention the emotion disconnect should your sexual partner is found not to be faithful unless it is just a one night stand.

All of these activities points to the safety of the sanctity of marriage. And yes, in marriage, people do get hurt too. Divorce for stupid reasons do happen. That’s because two people have yet to reach a place of maturity where they learn how to separate the issues from the relationship. How I love my spouse and how I deal with the issues of responsibility must be kept separate.

How we treat each other has nothing to do with the bills. I must learn how to keep the way I feel about my bills, what’s happening on the job, what’s happening with my siblings, and other issues separated from the way I love my spouse.

When two immature people act…well…immature, it’s like two little kids refusing to grow up and handle business like grown ups. Immaturity breeds immaturity. In all relationships, it’s about mutual respect, mutual compromise and sensible negotiations to make the marriage work.

It takes a love for each other to stay and be committed to the relationship. Life long commitment.

When it comes to sin, right is right and wrong is wrong.

If you went dow the path of no return when it comes to giving up your virginity, there is forgiveness from the Lord. The Lord already knew you would go down that path. There is no sense in covering it up and there is no sense in beating yourself over the head about it. It will only make it worse.

If you didn’t get a woman pregnant, you may have escaped a child out of wedlock, but you didn’t escape the fact that you sinned against God and His Word.

Young man, the power to procreate is an awesome experience. It’s not just the sex, although it is great, but it is the responsibility that comes afterwards should a child be produced.

That’s what men are aware of but it is at a distance. The way men react is so comical.

When a woman they had sex with comes with the news, they say, “You can’t be pregnant.”

Duh?

What did you think was supposed to happen?

Then there is the one time that the “protection” you thought you had worked. Of the lady conveniently forgot to use feminine condoms or other forms of pregnancy prevention methods.

Now a child is on the way.

The one unfathomable solution.

Abortion.

The sacrifice of a baby to prevent or cover up the sin of fornication and avoid 20 years or more of any responsibility.

Not one young man that has sex with women fully understands the world of a woman until after they read some basic recommended material or they are told about some of the things women go through to copulate.

Men honestly think that women are complicated.

NO.

It’s not that way at all. Women are no more complicated than men.

It took me 30 years of marriage to figure all this out. Wished I had learned a whole lot sooner. It’s called male stubbornness.

Just as sinful.

Men refuse to take the time to ask the right questions or they are embarrassed to ask any questions. That’s because all men assume to be “know it alls” when they know nothing at all.

When it comes to sex, all a man wants is just that.

Sex.

When it comes to losing your virginity, you may have accomplished something but more is lost.

Leave out a woman’s feeling. How to properly communicate with them instead of talking down to them. Never mind their needs. Throw out their lives as if they do not exist.
All they are is just a body to use for male domineering pleasure.

Far from the truth.

Men are just as complex. Simply because some of them, like me, never figure out how life really works until after we go through certain events that require we understand fully what life is all about. It’s only after the mistakes are made that the ramifications of our actions are actualized.

This is the most dysfunctional bunch of men on the planet and women are tired of being used the way they are being used. For once, a woman wants to be treated fairly. They want to be loved properly. They want their man to understand them. They want to be romanced. They want their man to be able to handle their responsibilities. They want their man to have a purpose and goal. They want their man to be able to take control of their lives and lead a family. They want their man to be involved with the children in properly rearing their child.

Some women are aware that men are ready for sex but they are not ready for relationship. This is partly why men wait to get married because they are not willing to admit that they need to be educated about women and relationships. It is very easy to have sex, but women know what most men fear. The pain of relationships and how to converse with a woman to have a normal conversation about everything.

Men keep things in because to uncover their weakness would make them feel small in the sight of their woman. It’s quite the contrary. A man’s vulnerability is sometimes taken advantaged of but in the right circumstances, such vulnerabilities is the place where a woman, as a good help meet, will be there to support her husband.

Therefore, the weak parts in a man’s masculinity in a man is not about losing face when he can’t be masculine. It shows that he allows his wife to share in his struggles, weakness, and inabilities. This kind of vulnerability brings out the best in a woman in the sense that she makes up the difference when needed the most.

Yes, while these areas seem unrelated to virginity, they are connected.

So, before you lose your virginity, look at all that you are about to encounter. Look at what you need to consider. I know that most people are already bent on losing their virginity, but you do not have to join the club unless you are prepared to get married.

Please listen to any of our broadcast on Secret Sexual Sins on www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailingword1.