Masturbation. It is the least discussed aspect in men’s meeting in the church and men’s conferences across the country and around the world. However, the trend is changing. More and more, we are seeing men open up to courageously discuss sexual issues like never before. We are seeing men that were trapped, with no hope in sight, find hope and freedom from Secret Sexual Sins. And we are also finding men that are in the sin of homosexuality and young boys, considering the down low lifestyle, coming to an understanding about true sexuality before they are enveloped by deep darkness.
You may or may not know that masturbation is about satisfying intimacy needs. When a man desires to be intimate, he must first find God.
The late Dr. Ed Cole once said that “Prayer is intimacy with God.”
Therefore, if you are searching for true intimacy and true fulfillment, it will only be found in God. Women serves as a companion on earth to help men but eternal fulfillment is only found in God.
Masturbation is a poor substitute for true intimacy because you are trying to achieve some semblance of intimacy on your own. This is called sin, which is defiance of God, autonomy, rebellion, and anarchy.
True fellowship and intimacy begins and ends with knowing the Father, through His Son, the Lord Jesus.
Back in December 5, 2009, we held our first Come Clean Stay Clean Conference. I was still involved in masturbation until December 3, 2009.
Of course in my recent blogs on Relapse, I did masturbate afterwards.
For 3.5 years, I stayed clean until I failed.
For further information, just read my last blogs on relapse.
The reason why I am sharing my personal story is so you can understand that I am not trying to cover myself or run from the issue. I am not trying to exalt myself either. This is not reverse humility. Neither am I making any excuses or trying to save face. I am still early in my recovery and there are some things that are coming to the surface now that I now know how to deal with.
Knowledge puffs up.
Knowledge, humbly applied in wisdom, is the goal so that only One Person is glorified.
Before I fell, I lived in the fear of falling after declaring my freedom in Christ.
It was a desperate struggle on my own power and strength. Coupled with pride and arrogance.
Now that falling is behind me, what is there left?
My testimony is now a questionable testimony. How can I teach others how to be free when I’m still struggling?
Is there any hope? Can recovery be lasting? Or will there be another moment where my urges and impulses overwhelm me to sin against the Lord and my body?
It is out of my failure that I teach you what to look for so that you wouldn’t fail.
All your hope is to be placed in Jesus, not in man.
Man will fail but the Lord and His Word will never fail.
Recognizing at the earliest stages of lusts of the flesh and the mind and how to beat back the urges and impulses is where I am in the Lord. I’m learning how to relying on the Holy Spirit and the Word of God to stay focused, and fight to subdue and have dominion over what my mind and body craves.
Secret Sexual Sins must be fully exposed under the light of the Word and completely rooted out in order for me, and every man and woman to experience lasting peace through the Lord Jesus Christ. There are or were many believers that are or were trapped like me in the maze of masturbation.
As I have stated before, it was during this Come Clean Conference that I first heard through my good friend, Pastor Roger Jamison, pastor of Sword of the Spirit Tabernacle in Brooklyn, NY, that “masturbation is the early stages of homosexuality.”
Then, in another recent men’s meeting held at New Life Christian Center in Hempstead, LI that a Reverend Loring Pasmore stated that “masturbation is homosexuality.”
Here is the reason.
It’s your hand man. It’s your penis, man. You are doing you.
Too often, we tend not to think that masturbation is homosexuality because we try not to declare what we are or were doing is just sexually acting out with an opposite sex image. While we all know that MSM (Men having Sex with Men) is the normal definition of homosexuality, when it comes to masturbation, you are acting out sexually with yourself.
Even with an opposite sex image in your mind, you are still doing you.
You’ve also heard the term “men masturbating men.” No need for details. The term speaks for itself. It is still unnatural sex. Yes, it is a sex act but it is a perverted same sex act.
The justification of a sex act that involves only you and your image, has no legs of justification to stand on.
You are a man or a male, aren’t you?
Then, as a man, you are doing you.
While the book of Genesis is the book of beginnings, it is there that true sex is established as the First Mentioned Principle in Biblical Hermeneutics. Biblical Hermeneutics is the science of interpreting the Scriptures.
In Genesis 2:18, it’s the first time that the Lord said that it wasn’t good… “And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
So for all intents and purposes, the Lord makes a woman for Adam. Don’t you just love the Lord how He knew that it was going to be a sexual problem for man and provides a sexual solution? Women is not just for sexual purposes alone but for companionship, compatibility, sharing, loving, caring, and nurturing.
But let’s discuss one of the highest reasons.
Get married to one woman first. Then…..
A woman was made to be married and loved. She was also made for a man to “get into.”
Your penis was made for the vagina.
That’s the way it is. Man is looking for sexual connection, not conquest, with someone they could live with for the rest of his life. Someone that is compatible, suitable for his needs.
Sex was designed by the Lord God to be shared between two opposite sex married persons. Sharing sexual pleasure is part of the soul tie or bonding process between husband and wife. You cannot become one flesh with the same sex. It is incompatible. Meaning that the anus was never designed for entry or male penetration by his penis. The anus was designed for exit of human excretion.
Oral sex doesn’t count either.
You cannot be “one flesh” with yourself. That’s part of the empty feeling inside after self sex. Sex wasn’t shared with a wife. It was an isolated attempt to satisfy a selfish need.
Therefore, selflessness must overcome selfishness.
For sex to be sex, the entire process is to be shared.
“Two shall become one flesh.” One plus one equal one.
With masturbation, one plus none equal none.
When it comes to masturbation, it is about a man getting himself off the way he wants to get off sexual tension. And it’s about the fantasy, the arousal, the pretending to have one or many. It is also about escaping relational situations associated with marriage.
For the most part, it is about acting out sexually in uninhibited or lascivious imagination in full swing. He is pretending to have sex with whomever he wants. Porn and still images fill the mind with sexual seduction and the only way to let off tension is to masturbate or by having a live body. Or both.
This is the degrading form of sex where the woman is cheapened to be a sex toy. An object of lust and conquest. This is where her life is not valued except for what is achieved in the bedroom. Such degradation is demonic and depraved.
When it comes to having sex by yourself, there is no question that you are bringing yourself to orgasm.
Homosexuality also include vile acts, either with a person of the same sex or by yourself by using various means and grotesque methods to achieve orgasm. Each accomplished self sex leaves an empty feeling and it also helps drive you to attempt new ways to achieve orgasm. The escalation in the ritual process increases sometimes the adrenaline, testosterone aspect of self sex.
Heightening the process to achieve orgasm is a high within itself.
Masturbation is a ritual that very few escape, but more and more men and women desire to be free. They just haven’t reached a place where the need for it is no longer desirable.
The desire to stop is there but the will to stop fails them because the mind reminds them of the supposed pleasure that would be lost, should you, once and for all, abandon self sex, and truly trust the Lord for complete fulfillment and satisfaction.
Chronic or habitual masturbation is not a mental issue. Masturbation is not necessarily a sign of sexual addiction but it is part of the sexual addiction ritual.
Sexual addiction is defined as one that cannot stop, control, or manage the need for sex.
Therefore, masturbation is an “urges and impulses” issue that lead to experiencing the reward drug dopamine.
Masturbation is coupled at times to satisfy a need for self love, affirmation, and appreciation. Men desire to be touched. Otherwise, they wouldn’t touch themselves.
There is one issue that I will bring up and that is the condemnation issue. After a person releases sexual tension through masturbation, a person feels the euphoria of the moment, but it is short lived. Then the feeling of guilt or remorse sets in. This is a clear indication that you’ve violated the “one flesh” principle in Genesis 2:21-25.
This “empty” feeling that you experience after you have masturbated is an indication to you that you were alone, and it is not good. You sulk, feel down, and that’s a feeling you get every time. This feeling is suppressed because after you get through the remorse process of self sex, you are ready to fantasize, ritualize, and act out sexually all over again.
The looking forward to the next time overwhelms any guilt or condemnation because you can’t wait to experience that feeling. In this is the hopes for true satisfaction but when it comes to false intimacy, there can never be complete satisfaction.
No matter how many times you masturbate, you will never escape completely the fact that you violated the “one flesh” principle.
To understand masturbation, there is a wealth of books that cover this subject in-depth.
While there is a lot of pro masturbation books, I would be very careful not to try to justify it because someone else engages in the practice.
Just go to my Sexual Addiction Recovery Page and click the links.
For further discussions on masturbation, please go to our groundbreaking series Secret Sexual Sins on www.BlogTalkRadio.com/prevailingword1