Psalms 90:8 (NLTse)
You spread out our sins before you—
our secret sins—and you see them all.-
When it comes to sexual sins, the thing that men do well is contain it. We are well versed in keeping what we do a secret.
Especially when it comes to porn, unless we coax the wife to watch with us. Let’s face it. It is not going to happen, especially when it comes to our wives that are walking holy before The Lord.
Then again, there may be a few out there that do watch with their husbands and go to church like as if there is nothing wrong with it.
But this isn’t about wives watching porn. It’s about what we do in secret as men. The fear of getting caught is a false notion because we men assume that no one is watching us.
Our secret is safe.
It’s a false sense of security that men errantly assume because we honestly do not believe that the Lord is watching. That’s because we believe that the success in keep it from our wives is across the board cloaked in secrecy.
Ezekiel 8:12 (NKJVS)
Then He said to me, “ Son of man, have you seen what the elders of the house of Israel do in the dark, every man in the room of his idols? For they say, ‘The Lord does not see us, the Lord has forsaken the land. ’”
When it comes to porn and masturbation, one person said to me, and he wasn’t a believer……”everybody knows that a man watches porn and masturbate.”
What he said was shocking to me because you do not hear truth like this coming from an unbeliever, but most men talk about “choking their chicken, and jerking off” as jokes. Not realizing that it is more common than people are willing to admit.
Also, by saying that others watch porn and masturbate, it gives them the power to deflect that this is happening in their own private lives.
The secret give a man power to engage in a shameful act so at they could continue to do so. Even if it is discovered, because there is the “muscle memory, and desire to self satisfy ourselves, we continue to engage because imprinted in the soul is the one place where we know sex satisfaction will be achieved.
The secrecy, however, is part of the illusion that no one really knows that this is going on. Should discovery occur it potentially brings a person to condemn themselves as hopeless.
As long as the secret is intact, you can continue to enjoy an unachievable false sense of pleasure without embarrassment.
The place where the secret is more important to a man is in preventing the wife from knowing. However, there are men that do not care and blatantly perform self sex in front of them without a problem.
This is lewd behavior that indicates a depraved indifference to the marriage as a whole.
The greatest thing a man could do is confess his sin to God and then explain it to his wife. It takes courage. If a man is to be truly free, he must take the step to set aside the embarrassment associated with confession.
Many will say that it doesn’t need to go that far.
Yes it does.
Besides, God already knows.
Psalms 139:1-3 (NKJVS)
God’s Perfect Knowledge of Man
For the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.
O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
God knows what you are going to do in your lying down……..to masturbate.
Psalms 139:11-12 (NKJVS)
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
God knows that you desire to cover your activities of self satisfaction.
One of the things that I became aware of when I was chronic in masturbation was that it didn’t matter what time of day or night. When I needed to fulfill sin, I engage. Not everyone is considered an addict but when you cannot control, manage, or stop a chronic activity, there is a good chance you are addicted. By the way, when it comes to sin, it is not about addiction, it is about sin.
Occasional masturbation is not right either. To be totally free is to never return to the muddy waters of perversion.
An addiction or occasional sexual abuse of porn, and or masturbation is full fledged defeat.
As Paul said, “You have not so learned Christ.”
Only the Holy Spirit working in the life of the believer and the believer walking in total obedience to the Word of God can destroy addiction. Even though the Lord Jesus destroyed addiction with His life, death, and resurrection, we must, as Paul said, “Reckon ourselves to be dead to sin and alive unto God.”
This is achieved by obedience to the Holy Spirit to take the way of escape that we may be able to bear it (1 Corinthians 10:13, James 1:3).
Reckoning yourself to be dead to sin simply means to not respond to the door bell when it rings. You are not home. You are ignoring the urges and impulses.
It didn’t matter to me if God were watching because all that mattered was my personal satisfaction. But it was a false satisfaction that deceived. I deceived myself into saying that I need this. Not realizing that it was God that I needed more.
But the secret gave me an edge to engage.
As I would watch porn, I would tape it while masturbating so that I would go back to it the same day but I would erase the tape or destroy it so my wife would not discover it. But Directv had a way to place what I watched on history. Then my then 14 year old daughter discovered that I was watching porn.
I didn’t find out about this information until after my wife told me after I came clean.
So much for secrets.