Pastor’s Wives And Their Husband’s Porn Issue

This scenario is happening all across America.

There’s certain signals that sound off loud and clear that your husband, who happens to be a pastor, is watching porn. Your church is growing but there is something that isn’t right. Or your church is not growing and you can’t seem to put your finger on it.

In either case, church growth is not the goal of pastors. We plant, we water, God gives the increase.

But your marriage is suffering tremendous strain and you can’t seem to find a reason. Or you might know the reason but you refuse to address it to keep peace in the house.

Denial can be potentially deadly to a marriage.

Silence, to your husband, is considered permission. As long as he is not confronted, he has a false sense of security.

Are you a peacekeeper or a peacemaker?

As a wife, you are living right and you are maintaining your purity before God but lately, your husband has abandoned purity and holiness. His intensity to pray and to preach the Word has suffered, and you can tell the difference. The fire for God in his life is gone.

He “fakes” his way through each service. At the beginning of the ministry, he was all out and ready to do the work of the ministry. All of a sudden, it seems like water on wood. No fire.

Missing from his preaching are messages on holiness and purity. If he fails to preach against sin, there’s an excellent chance he is in Secret Sexual Sins.

What is happening?

89% of porn comes from the United States. In particular, Internet porn is the most widely used venue where anyone at any time can watch porn. No one watches porn and not act out sexually in masturbation, prostitutes, or a mistress.

A mistress is too late.

The root of the problem is found in porn and masturbation.

The secret sex life of any man is found in these two places.

As a wife, here are some signals that indicate a Secret Sexual Sins issue.

1. You’ve had no intimacy in more than a week.

He is home regularly. His hours hasn’t changed. The time that you go to bed hasn’t changed. There aren’t any known medical conditions. It’s time to ask the tough questions.

Is he seeking God? Is he fasting and did he ask for this time to be with God? If the answer is no, then……what’s up.

One of the things about porn is the “adrenaline of secrecy.”

Even though a man readily admits to watching women and watching porn, the power of not being caught and the ability to deceive the mind into thinking that he could get away with it is part of the fuel of adrenaline. That’s why Secret Sexual Sins is a very powerful revelation. It’s the secret world of sex in the mind of a powerful mand of Gawd that believes he could get away with it.

But with the Lord, no one gets away with it.

Psalm 139:11-12 says “If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me; Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.”

Psalm 90:8 says, You have set our iniquities before You, Our secret sins in the light of Your countenance.”

Just like David, what David did in secret, God will lay it bare for all to see in the noonday sun.

However, you need to get to the bottom of it.

Perhaps God will spare the humiliation because of a lack of humility.

2. You caught his eyes “wondering.”

The one place where you will know where a man’s heart is is in his eyes.

Proverbs 27:20 says, “Hell and destruction is never full, so the eyes of a man are never satisfied.”

Jesus said in Matthew 5:28 “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

If he is watching women in the street and in the church where he is preaching, there is a serious lust problem. Sometimes a man does it deliberately because he is making a statement. He wants to have what he saw sexually. This sin of sight adultery is a problem too. Sometimes women deliberately wear certain eye catching items, showing cleavage and legs, as well as body hugging dresses like they are going to the club. Some of them are emotionally unstable women that is looking to make a move.

They attend church and strategically sit in proximity to be seen. Many people will say that this is just another attack on women. Well, my question to you is, have you looked at what they wore to church? And have you ever asked them whether or not they are attracted to a married pastor? If you haven’t asked them that question, I strongly urge you to.

Men and women come to church for the wrong reason. And it is true that not every man or woman has sex on their minds but take a good look at the door and you will see that the hunt is on.

3. Your husband stays up to watch TV well past bedtime.

This is the one thing that you need to pay attention to because it’s a dead giveaway.

He may not be watching porn but he may be watching shows that preview substitute porn.

The agenda of the late shows has been pushing porn on network television. NYPD Blue and other shows showcased soft porn at 10PM to take things to the next level. Outright porn on national TV. The FCC ordered ABC to cease and we were sort of spared the indecency. But now with Internet porn, your husband has his personal devices and he doesn’t need network TV.

Discretely, he could watch all the porn he wants.

4. For some reason, he hates you.

The object of porn is to despise and dispose the wife. Porn has been responsible for the destruction of 57 percent of marriages.

Everything that you do is ridiculed, despised, and his utter contempt for you is expressed in arguments that are completely irrational, baseless, and reconcilable. He picks on everything you do. He doesn’t say much to appreciate you. He depreciates you because porn is perfect and in his mind, you are not. Porn is perfect sex, perfect faces, perfect proportioned bodies. In that arena, no wife has a chance.

The low self esteem is intended to destroy you. That’s the way the devil works in the minds of men. To help destroy you. Especially if you are a praying, Word woman. If he constantly lashes out at you but you see him be nice to other women, it is a dead giveaway.

5. You catch him masturbating in bed when he thought you were asleep.

This is common. He loves to think that he could get a little extracurricular sexual play with himself while he thinks that you are asleep, but you caught him. But you do not say anything, you just know that he is doing something that he shouldn’t be doing. You play like you were still asleep, but you know what’s up. You must understand that this behavior is lusts of the flesh, lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life operating in him.

Jesus rose a great while before day to pray. I honestly believe that the Lord Jesus got up for a reason to pray. Men are tempted sexually late at night and early in the morning. A man is aroused the most during the set times. Because of his lack of discipline, he will engage in Secret Sexual Sins to relieve sexual tension. But why doesn’t he engage with his wife?

Lust.

How do you resolve these issues with a man that seemingly has the call of God on his life but treats you like trash?

Prayer and much prayer.

God knows how to get to his hardened heart. But you have to be patient. Most men will not admit that they have a sex sin problem. The one thing that he counts on is his ability to think that he can’t get caught. But the Lord caught him before time began and it is a matter of time before he is exposed. His deception is on thin ice. The exposure is not just to humiliate him but to help him. Because he believes that he wasn’t caught, he continues on like as if nothing is going to go wrong.

This is where sometimes, he gets caught.

Just be patient. God will not be mocked.

Chronic Or Excessive Masturbation : Establishing Personal Holiness & Discipline

Surprisingly, 63 percent of those who participated in this survey were female,
and indicated that 20.4 percent of people masturbate at least three or more
times per day. Among the other key findings:

* 79.6% masturbate 0-2 times per day;  15.2% 3-5 times a day;  3.8% 6-10 times;
and only 1.4% masturbate more than 10 times a day.
  
* 48% believe that their masturbation frequency is below average; 45.4% said
frequency is average;  and  6% believe that their masturbation frequency is
above average.
  
* 45.4%  either agreed that masturbating can cause problems in their
relationships; while 29.3% neither agreed or disagreed and the rest of the
participants disagreed.
  
* 18.3% are either extremely or very ashamed of their masturbating habits; 23.8%
are either slightly or somewhat ashamed and the 57.8% are not ashamed at all.

These statistics came from “Reuters.com,” and the link to this site is provided below.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/02/06/morningside-recovery-idUSnPnNY55073+160+PRN20130206

It is clear that chronic masturbation is a serious problem in the Body of Christ. While these stats are not reflective of just professed believers, there is no doubt in my mind that this is a serious problem in believers today. There is no question about porn being a problem in the church among professed believers, however, the associated sexual activities are rarely discussed.

Pun not intended, porn and masturbation go “hand in hand.”

No one watches porn and doesn’t act out sexually.

As with most people, many men and women struggle with watching porn. Porn is accessible, available (free and PPV), and could be seen anonymously. Substitute porn, such as newspapers, the weather women, the early morning show of “club” dressing women,” movies and with soft porn, TV shows, and other venues where sex is readily seen can inflame lust in the hearts of people in an instant.

These trigger mechanisms are strategically designed to inflame the urges and impulses.

Listen to the Amplified Bible’s version of what Paul said in Colossians 3:5-7.

“So kill (deaden, deprive of power) the evil desire lurking in your members [those animal impulses and all that is earthly in you that is employed in sin] :sexual vice, impurity, sensual appetites, unholy desires, and all greed and covetousness, for that is idolatry (the deifying of self and other created things instead of God).

It is on account of these [very sins] that the [holy] anger of God is ever coming upon the sons of disobedience (those who are obstinately opposed to the divine will), among whom you also once walked, when you were living in and addicted to [such practices].

In looking at the statistics, these categories reveal how often a person masturbates in a 24 hour period.

If you note the last statistic, 57.8% are not ashamed at all of masturbation.

I know what that’s like.

The mind and the body made a very powerful statement to the human spirit.

It loves masturbation and we (mind and body) will do everything in its power to keep this going.

Have you ever thought about this?

The urges and impulses are so strong and dominating that the mind abandons any Word from God to be delivered. The mind also goes into a sense of hopelessness that it has subjected itself to accept the fact that this is the way that it’s going to be for the rest of your life on earth.

There are many men and women that deliberately made this declaration. At the same time, they also seek freedom. Regarding those in the 58.7 percentile, I could be wrong, but having been in this trap, it is clear that there might be a common form of abandonment denial that is evident in all man.

The pleasure is too strong to give up.

This is what helps the denial. The pleasure.

Sex was designed to be pleasurable. However, solo sex is more pleasurable because you make up the rules. You do not need another body. You can stop and start at anytime. Day or night. You do not have to wait for your wife to be sexually ready. You do not have to relate with another person. You do not have impregnate them. You do not open yourself to STDs.

Just before you think I am giving you the OK about masturbation, be very careful here.

This WAS the way I was thinking when I was in the cycle of sexual addiction level one.

When something has you in bondage, you are not free. Even if you are in the 79.6 percentile.

I built my whole day on watching women and filing their shape in my mind in complete violation of Matthew 5:27-30.

But all that was is just fuel for the engine of lust in my deceitfully, desperately wicked heart.

The cycle of satisfaction to climax is always the goal in masturbation. You see, you could do without the eye candy and go on muscle memory because masturbation is all about you. And you may disagree, but you are doing you and that is a form of homosexuality or lesbianism called solo sex. But this doesn’t deter anyone from masturbation. When the body seeks pleasure, reasoning yourself out of this past time is not an option.

Unless, you are serious about changing your ways.

The amount of masturbation is not really the pursuit. It’s the lust in a man’s heart that craves physical intimacy.

You see, it is always lust in the mind and flesh. All the other needs of man are secondary.

Affirmation……..secondary. Love……….secondary. For females……connection needs……..secondary.

Notice again what Paul said.

“…sexual vice, impurity, sensual appetites, unholy desires, and all greed and covetousness, for that is idolatry (the deifying of self and other created things instead of God).”

Masturbation is about all of the above.

It is the idolizing of the genitals.

I know that this is graphic but that’s what it’s about. Even with homosexuality, it is about the idolizing and deifying of self.

One of the signs of the last days is that men would be “lovers of themselves.”

This is the deification of man. This deification of man is the worship of himself. The highest way that this is done is in sex. Particularly solo sex.

When you workout in the gym, there are mirrors. There are posters. In the supermarkets, there are sexually explicit magazines. Even innocent pictures give that hidden suggestion of sex. The words is just the story line but when you see what you want, your mind goes on the hunt to fulfill the lusts of the flesh. Especially when you look at someone that you want sexually. You take that back to your bedroom or whatever room you do self solo sex and the rest is history.

What is the solution?

How do we deprive of power the evil desires lurking in our members?

The Bible gives us the sexual purity of Jesus.

He regularly went to the mountain to pray.

That’s lesson one.

Jesus got up and changed His venue.

He regularly applied the Word.

That’s lesson two.

In the temptation of Jesus, He regularly said, “It is written.”

Establishing personal holiness and discipline is not easy. Anyone that told you that this is easy is a liar. Jesus was tempted in all points like us, yet, He didn’t sin. That means He was tempted to masturbate and Jesus was tempted to be a homosexual. Hebrews 4 said, “All points.”

But the way that the Lord Jesus handled business with His flesh was by prayer and applying the Word of God.

Finally, notice that the Lord Jesus mentioned in Matthew 5:27-30 the eyes and hands. Pluck the right eye out and cut the right hand. There is no question in my mind that Jesus also meant masturbation because we use our eyes to seek out a sexual object and we use our hands to masturbate. Although there are ways to stimulate yourself without the use of hands, it is still a form of masturbation because you are not involved sexually with your wife.

But you have to begin doing something about disciplining your eyes and hands.

Get up from that place where fantasy, ritual, acting out takes place and find a place to pray and put your hand on the Bible. Open the Scriptures and begin to meditate on God. Everyone has a starting point. Start there and be consistent.

Victory was already achieved on the cross. Now it is time to follow Him, deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Him.

%d bloggers like this: