I came across an article from Porn Harms regarding a girlfriend’s discovery of her boyfriend’s porn habits.
Several comments came that suggests that sex before marriage is no longer taboo but the norm. In fact, it’s expected that a boyfriend is given his girlfriend’s virginity.
The other comments pretty much demanded that the girlfriend “dump” him because of his sinful porn habit.
With the observance of porn exponentially increasing, should you dump him, there is a good chance that the next boyfriend you choose is doing the same thing. Or he has seen porn. Are they sex addicts? It all depends on the frequency.
An addiction is the inability to control, manage, or stop a habit.
Paul call it, “…Youthful lusts…”In other words, the young pursuing that which is forbidden.
When you are objectifying the body of a woman, the man’s mind becomes inundated and obsessed with touching her. If he can’t touch her, images drives his sex drive towards releasing sexual tension. If he can’t touch her, he masturbates.
Already in his mind, he is infatuated with her and seeks to release sexual tension.
Most boys use the excuse that since they do not want to impregnate you, he goes solo. But for the young, it’s just a matter of time before he puts pressure on the girlfriend to have sex. If she isn’t disciplined, she will give up what is most prized. Her virginity. At one time, it was considered a shame to fornicate.
Today it is normal and expected.
The suppressing of the shame is easily made and the sex is sinfully justified.
Being a harlot or a whore used to be enough for most women to abstain from making the mistake of sex before marriage. Now, it’s not a big deal.
In fact, according to the spirit operating in the sons of disobedience, it’s normal.
Sadly, abstaining is not the thing to do among the wicked and among those that profess to be righteous.
Whether it is girlfriend talk, locker room talk, Sunday School talk, or youth group talk, it is now taboo to admit that you are still a virgin.
Addiction to a sex act to fulfill his own sexual fantasies without the relationship is the name of the game with young boys. Your husband or boyfriend is not watching porn and then going to bed.
There is no question in my mind that he is participating in his mind and (to put it bluntly), feeling himself sexually. It’s called masturbation or solo sex. Billions of men throughout the world are occasional to chronic masturbators that started in the youth.
This habit may have started in his youth after being exposed to porn or substitute porn. The inquisitiveness leads to other areas readily accessible on the Internet. The Internet is the number one place where information travels faster than you think.
According to The Internet Filter Review, in one second, 28,258 persons will have click a sex site. In a revised figure, 2.8 billions persons, at the end of 24 hours will click onto a porn site.
Porn is a worldwide pandemic and it appears that there is no hope.
Many agree that porn is responsible for the destruction of many marriages.
It is clear that porn is a major part of the problem because porn models and the sex they are acting out is perfect. However, lust in the heart of man is responsible. The only thing that porn did was be made available to him as an accelerant. Lust is the fire and porn feeds fuel to that fire.
A dominating male and a sexually submissive female. It’s the kind of sex that he wants without being denied.
One comment was said that “give him the kind of sex he is looking for,” or words to that affect.
Mind you, the comment was given to try to prevent losing that boy as a boyfriend. It is clear that most married couples have a very difficult time expressing to each other the kind of mutual sex they are looking to have. And we must conclude that there is no guarantee that when you give a man the kind of sex he is watching on porn, that he will be satisfied.
This is a clear misnomer.
Granted, there are millions of partners that watch porn to “spice up” their sex life.
Let’s be clear about what the Bible says.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 tells us that fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Hebrews 13:4 tells us that God will judge adulterers and fornicators.
Revelation 21:8 tells us that the sexually immoral will have their part in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone.
There is no gray area. There is no room for error. There is no wiggle room. There is no exceptions.
Since God created man, God created the laws that govern man. Our death proves that accountability is required.
Hebrews 9:27 says, “And as it is appointed unto men once to die, after this the judgment.”
If death is true on one hand, judgment is true on the other.
Since no one escapes death. No one escapes judgment.
So as a girlfriend, let’s say that you know the Lord, and you’ve discovered that your boyfriend is into porn, the first disrespect is towards God. We all know that you may be hurt, but God was hurt first. As a believer, you must maintain God’s position on porn first.
Ezekiel 18:20 says “The soul who sins shall die.”
Your boyfriend has committed a serious sin that places him in jeopardy of losing eternal life with Christ.
Because the pleasure is just seemingly too much to give up, this is the least of his worries. But life does happen. Things can happen in a moment. A car accident. Heart attack. Sudden illness that leads to death. It doesn’t happen all the time, but you don’t want your number to come up.
Sadly, in life, everyone’s number will come up.
Listen to Ecclesiastes 8:8 “No one has power over the spirit to retain the spirit, and no one has power in the day of death. There is no release from that war, and wickedness will not deliver those who are given to it.”
If this is not enough, look at verse 11-13……..“Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil.
Though a sinner does evil a hundred times, and his days are prolonged, yet I surely know that it will be well with those who fear God, who fear before Him. But it will not be well with the wicked; nor will he prolong his days, which are as a shadow, because he does not fear before God.”
So another reason why he continues in porn is because, up to this point, he wasn’t judged for it. What the Lord is doing is operating on grace, mercy, in hopes that he would turn from his wicked ways and repent. I’ve found that sometimes incremental consequential judgment isn’t enough for a man to turn from his sexual sins.
In defiance to God because the pleasure of ejaculation is too great for some men and women to give up, they continue on.
Look at Proverbs 22:3.
“A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished.”
John 3:19 says, “And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.”
Then you have the expounding of Jesus of the parable of the sower in Luke 8:11-15.
“Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God.
Those by the wayside are the ones who hear; then the devil comes and takes away the word out of their hearts, lest they should believe and be saved.
But the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no root, who believe for a while and in time of temptation fall away.
Now the ones that fell among thorns are those who, when they have heard, go out and are choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity.
But the ones that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience.”
The pleasures of life is sexual immorality.
Then 2 Timothy 3:1-4 in portions “For men will be lovers of themselves…without self- control…headstrong, haughty (proud and lifted up in defiant pride), lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”
These are the things that a wife or a girlfriend will face.
What is she to do?
If it’s just a boyfriend situation, your options are wide open. If you confront him, expect him to be very defensive. Porn and masturbation is an idol on the level of Goliath. The strength of this demon is more than what people think. While porn and masturbation is no match for the power of God, the man must be willing to walk away from these things if he is going to be free.
Billions of men have sought to break free and the vast majority of them refuse to walk away because the pleasure, to them is too great to give up.
How did I break from this?
I wanted God more than me. I had to crucify daily my desires to have self pleasure. My love for God need to rise of my pleasure to please me by myself. A man must be willing to break his silence and secrecy. If he refuses to break his silence and secrecy, he will remain in bondage.
I had to look at who I was hurting.
Yes, my wife and family but who did I hurt first?
When you get a revelation of how hurt God was, you refuse to hurt Him like that ever again. This spills over into your wife and family. You do not ever want to see them in pain and agony. Masturbation is a form of selfishness. You are looking out for you. Your boyfriend or husband is looking out for himself to meet his needs without the affects of relational situations common in marriages.
If you choose to confront your husband or boyfriend, if you know the Lord, spend quality time in the Scriptures and prayer.
Get as many Christian resources to understand porn addiction and masturbation.
You must not blame yourself for his porn habit. Sure things could trigger things to where he walks away after a negative confrontation on an unrelated issue. But to assume blame for his lust is just the enemy placing guilt on the wrong person or on both person’s simultaneously.
Porn is perfect sin that attracts a male that is sexually out of control.
Even women that look beautiful and never did porn are intimidated by porn’s perfection.
Do not try to minister to him like you are the expert. The information provided in the resources are there to help you understand the dark world of porn and masturbation. If he is just your boyfriend, you haven’t learned to read him like you would read him as your husband. It takes time to understand his emotional make-up, mood changes, etc.
The world of sex is just a physical activity to him. He has yet to realize that it’s purpose is for bonding with one person, procreation, and pleasure between monogamous persons, male and female.
There is a danger that he will be silent for a long time because he was discovered to do that which he wanted to keep secret. To force him to talk will push him further away from you. He is defensive like a clam or turtle. In time, the clam will open up and the turtle will come out of its defensive shell.
Sadly, it will take a while, but if you are patient, the rewards are great.
Porn and masturbation is his idol. To give up something that he is worshipping is going to take countless hours of prayer and fasting. Find time to share with other women that has already gone down this path. Not every story has a happy ending because a man chooses to remain in bondage. God is not responsible when a man decides to remain in bondage.
God renders an account to no man.
It’s always man that has to render an account to God.
But there are happy endings that do happen.
God was not caught off guard with this. He wasn’t surprised.
So there is still hope for your husband’s or boyfriends complete deliverance.
“With God all things are possible.”
The devil has never been known to win. Sin never wins.
Just know that the Lord is with you in your trouble.
Each situation is different, so be prepared for everything.