Alas, another pastor that love and possibly, worship sex more than loving God and maintaining the sanctity of his call to the ministry.
Like many of us, we ruin ourselves in secret before we are exposed. In a chapter in my book called Secret Sexual Sins, there is a chapter called, “Come Clean. Or Be Exposed!” This is what the Lord said to me before I repented.
There are many pastors that live secret lives. Let me reiterate a statistic. There are over 300,000 churches in the United States. 50% of pastors struggle with porn. That means 150,000 churches have pastors that are living in Secret Sexual Sins.
I was one of those pastors until December, 2008.
My friend, Pastor DL Foster posted about another pastor falling (courtesy of Charisma.com) because of Secret Sexual Sins.
You can read the article by clicking this link.
A few of us pastors agree. It is now a regular occurrence. It’s been 4 years since the Lord delivered me from porn and self gratification, commonly called masturbation.
Why do I mention this?
Few articles really get to the nitty gritty of a pastor’s Secret Sexual Sins. Many of you are so stunned when you read of a married pastor, with children, committing adultery, but rarely do we discover the fuel of adultery. Rightfully so, Pastor Foster points out that the root cause is the undisciplined pastor’s heart, also known as the fruit of the Spirit, called “self control,” as the root cause of moral failure.
What goes undetected is the Secret Sexual Sins occurring in the life of a pastor. The discovery of adultery is just the exposure of a deeper problem that rarely is discussed.
Porn and masturbation in the life of a pastor.
The other two things that is not noted is the sexual immoral woman that the book of Proverbs speaks of, and the wife, and kids affected by this momentary laps of judgment.
We are to avoid the sexually immoral women like the plague. Now, not every woman is sexually immoral, but there are predator pastors that take advantage of emotionally unstable women in church.
Then again, there are women that strategically, and deliberately intend to use their femininity to secure the love of a pastor. Not to mention that there are Jezebels on assignment to sexually sacrifice their body for church power.
In Dr. Betty Price’s book “A Warning To Ministers, Their Wives, and Their Mistresses,” she warned of the constant battle in the local church of pastors seeking illicit sex from women in and outside the church. In her book, she pointed out that there are many women that intentionally hunt down pastors. Sitting in the front row to intentionally get the pastor’s attention, sexually, in no uncertain terms, is one of the main ploys of sexually immoral women. In one instance, Dr. Betty Price told of a story of a woman that went right into Dr. Fred Price’s office on pretense of receiving pastoral counseling, and straight up solicited him for sex. Because of Dr. Fred Price’s spiritual discipline, being strong in spirit, he resisted her temptations.
That’s why as a rule for me, I never counsel women, and I never counsel women alone. I’d rather lose them to another church and pastor than to risk any appearance of evil. Suit yourselves but I refuse to counsel women alone. Brothers, you are not that strong and you should never fool yourself.
Dr. Betty Price shared that those that successfully engage a weak willed pastor, were mesmerized by the “anointing” on a pastor’s life and Dr. Betty Price indicates that this is the one thing that attracts women to a pastor. After these women have sex with a single or married pastor that one time, that mesmerization departs.
They are no longer infatuated with that anointed man of God.
But as with all women, connection and then to disconnect, unless you are a harlot, is not that easy. Dr. Betty Price counseled several women, caught in the web of sexual sins to leave that preacher. And they do not. Churches are left with a house of harlots with the pastor as the head pimp.
In the book, “Betrayal Of Trust,” the introduction in the book speaks of a Brooklyn, NY pastor in Brooklyn Heights, in the late 1890’s was accused of adultery. The woman lost her husband and it’s been a she said he said kind of issue. After accusations when flying, and a church meeting, the church sided in with the pastor that nothing went on. They swept the issue under the rug. And this is the long standing policy of churches. That when someone is verifiably caught or if there is a hint of sexual immorality, the issue is swept under the rug. The pastor remains in the pulpit and everything is “hunky-dory.”
Getting back to the book, one of the most outstanding observations is that pastors that are caught in the act of adultery are either predators or wanderers.
A predator is one that sexually hunts for one woman after another. No different than a serial rapist. Then the wanderer is one that strays from his wife for a one night stand. But even as a wanderer, solicitation of multiple prostitutes is part of a wanderer until it enters sexual addiction level three where the criminal element heightens the orgasmic experience. That criminal element involves being a serial rapist to child porn, to child homosexuality.
But few look behind the scene and discover a pastor’s secret life of porn and masturbation.
In the above story by Charisma, it may be possible that Pastor Hunter may not have been involved in porn and masturbation. We do not have the facts regarding this. But we know that in most cases, acting out has a starting point. And it usually is porn and masturbation.
The Lord Jesus reveals Secret Sexual Sins when a man looks at a women to lust after her, that he committed adultery with her in his heart (see Matthew 5:27-28).
In Dr. Patrick Carnes’ cycle of addiction, it all begins with “thoughts or fantasies.” Then it goes to ritual. Then it goes to “acting out.” Then it goes to “remorse.”
I mentioned this because the top of sexual addiction begins with thoughts and fantasies. I will point out that not every one is sexually addicted.
Sexual addiction is the inability to control, manage, or stop yourself from sex or masturbation.
When you cannot stop looking at a woman sexually, it is lust and it is adultery. Job 31:1 says, “I have made covenant with my eyes, why would I look on a handmaiden?”
When a man cannot stop looking lustfully at a woman, this is where the core or root problem is (see James 1:14-15). The lack of discipline in this regard is 100% behind pastoral moral failure. It is indicative of a lack of intimacy in prayer with God. The late Dr. Ed Cole, the father of the modern day men’s movement with the Christian Men’s Network, said, “Prayer produces intimacy with God.”
E. M. Bounds said, “A prayerless pulpit begets a prayerless pew.”
Preachers can act out ministerial at the drop of a hat. You can’t fool your way through prayer.
It’s the same with singing for God, or being a music minister for God, or being a church secretary for a pastor.
He is not the first and he certainly won’t be the last. With immorality overrunning the church where the demonic LGBT agenda is being swallowed whole by sinning pastors, helping to cause the church to renounce the righteousness of God, the more pastors fail the standard, the argument from the world holds a form of truth.
We are hypocrites.
Finally, the wife and kids affected by the adulterous pastor. It is clear that betrayal on this level has brought embarrassment and confusion to his family. The wife in the moment loses her self esteem, dignity, and honor. It will take time to ask God for grace to get through the initial and long term affects of her husband’s foolish act of sexual pleasure.
The wife will experience the devil bringing a lot of questions to her mind. The devil with suggest to her that she is not as beautiful as the secretary or porn stars he’s been watching. The devil will suggest to her that her bedroom inadequacy and unavailability for sex was due to her increased workload was the cause. The devil will bring up past arguments that led to a husband’s cold shoulder.
And more things like God is not going to repair the marriage. That God doesn’t love her. And on and on. But this is the moment where whatever is brought to your mind, is to be refuted by the Word of God. She will need to confide in another woman of God, in a safe environment, that will objectively deal with her in a compassionate manner. The road to her healing is long and difficult. At this stage, it is recommended that difficult decisions be put off and just get through the moment of the infidelity with the grace and love of God.
The kids need to be told the truth, depending upon their ages. They must understand that what their daddy did was sin and that it wan’t in God’s plan. That sexual sin is of the devil. If at all possible, they need to be cared for while the process is ongoing. They must experience some semblance of normalcy as possible. Professional Christian help is available and should be sought as reasonably quick as possible.
It’s not the end and God’s grace can get you through the moments. Wives that experience this horrendous act must never place blame on themselves. They must get through the moment and allow God to work with them where they are.
Church. Let’s do a better job in our sanctification. Let’s get closer to God in prayer and obedience to the Word.
This does not have to be common.
Women are unfairly blamed for a lot of things in the world and the church. However, the Bible is clear about the kinds of women that desire to use their femininity to sexually trap men in the church. Not all women are this way. Many seek the Lord and remain holy throughout their lives. But there is the hopeless, desperate, and connection deprived women that no longer hold out.
I can’t help but underscore a woman’s discipline to abstain from sex for 15 years before yielding to her sexually immoral predator pastor and received the death sentence of HIV/AIDS.
“In your patience possess ye your souls.”
Very few churches these days escape the sex scandal. There is always two sides to every story.
When a pastor gets up before the congregation to announce his Secret Sexual Sins, it is the most devastating time for the future of the congregation.
Equally, it is the most devastating time for the wife and family of the pastor. Very few know the pain, anguish, and suffering a wife goes through. Very few understand that way before adultery, the sin of adultery that the pastor fought long and hard to avoid occurred in the secrecy of his private life.
But very few discuss the kinds of women that come to church. Some come with the intent to seduce a pastor, or any male that would look their way. Some are desperate for male companionship that to fulfill connection needs, they offer their bodies as a sacrifice to males. Sometimes break up after break up, women give up being holy and chaste, and “turn the tables” so to speak.
Very few are willing to discuss the breeding ground that led to the sex scandal in a pastor, praise and worship singers, musicians, and other leaders in the church.
Men watch women lustfully, file images in their minds to masturbate off of those images, and then they take it to the next levels in sexual addiction.
Thousands of porn images.
Then when they had enough of fantasy, the select a body. Whether they come through the doors of the church, or pastors and other church leaders engage in prostitution, strip joints, or escort services, it doesn’t matter as long as he gets a body to “cooperate” to fulfill his sexual sins.
It’s in his private life that these things have a place to be sinfully nurtured. Yes, it is premeditated. The lines he said he would never cross, eventually gets crossed.
It’s just a matter of time.
There is no question, that in the church, women out number males. And there is no question that the availability of single males in the church is significantly diminished.
There is no question that not everyone that comes to the church, comes for the right reason. That goes for men and women. Behind our worship lurks the sins of the flesh and spirit, or the mind and flesh.
For the most part we know that married and single males are always on the look out for “strange flesh.”
But strange flesh comes to church and the unsuspecting male, married or single, need to pay attention. Married women in the church need to pay attention to protect their husband because in a flash, an immoral woman will make a play for your husband.
Before I go further, let me reiterate the fact that pastoral sex abuse is no longer the exception. It is common. Pastors use their professional position to take advantage of emotionally unstable women. Male pastors that are smooth with their words and hands are quick to take advantage of unsuspecting, God fearing women that come for counseling and end up in the bedroom.
That’s what’s happening in the church. There are also staff pastors, elders, bishops, deacons, and such that cannot discipline themselves. So we know that this activity is out there.
How do the sexual immoral women come?
Proverbs, as I have stated before, is a handbook of wisdom for boys that are about to become men. There is no question that ladies can learn a thing or two from the book of Proverbs, but, it was written basically for men.
Solomon learned much about women. At the end of his reign, he had 1000 women.
The Bible tells us that “he loved many women.”
There is no question that he had sex with every last one of them and perhaps even more.
But here is what we can learn.
There is the “type” of women that come to many churches. And do not sit there and think otherwise. We must remember that not everyone will come to the church as saved as you think.
Let’s not be naive here.
Another thing not to be naive about is that not all preachers are as clean as you think.
Preachers need Jesus. Sinning preachers need to repent and get right with God.
The kinds of women that come to church, other than the married and single, holy women of God, are called five things.
1. Evil woman. 2. Seductress. 3. Harlot. 4. Adulteress. 5. Immoral woman.
If you are not one of these five, then you have nothing to worry about. But please read on because if you are a married woman, you need to pay attention to these kinds of women that will make a play on your husband. Your husband will not see it coming, but you do and you are his only set of eyes that see beyond the innocent “hehehe’ laugh of women.
We do not put these things out to degrade women. The Bible is clear that when women of this kind comes, it is important for the male to get wisdom from God and avoid her. In Proverbs 7, her house is called, “the way to hell, descending to the chambers of death.”
In Proverbs 7, she also has this spiritual aura about her….“I have peace offerings with me, today I have paid my vows.”
According to Adam Clarke’s Commentary, “peace offerings were offerings the spiritual design of which was to make peace between God and man, to make up the breach between them which sin had occasioned…’much light is cast on this place by the fact that the gods in many parts of the East are actually worshipped in brothels, and fragments of the offerings are divided among the wretches who fall into the snare of the prostitutes’- WARD’s Customs (quote).
Sort of like the prayer that most people in silence make.
“God, forgive me for the sin I am about to commit.”
Key Scriptures to help you identify The Five Kinds Of Sinful Women.
1. Her words of seduction.
Proverbs 5:3-6…“The lips of an immoral woman drip honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter wormwood, sharp as a two edged sword. He feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of hell, lest you ponder her path of life-her ways are unstable; you do not know them.”
When you fail to keep this Scripture and go for sinful woman, this Scripture is applicable to you…..
“For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress? For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He ponders all his paths. His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, and he is caught in the cords of his sin. He shall die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.”
2. Her beauty.
Proverbs 6:23-25 says…..
“For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life, to keep you from the evil woman, from the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids.”
Proverbs 7:10 says this…..
“And there a woman met him, with the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart. She was loud and rebellious, her feet would not stay at home.”
Women dress to be noticed. Women wear make up to enhance her natural beauty. The right combination guarantees attention. All shapes, all sizes. The right combination is what gets results. But when you want red flag attention, cleavage, high and tight, and hair just right.
Then there is the loud and rebellious kind that is part of the make up of The Five Kinds Of Sinful Woman.
They hate male authority and it is indicative of hating God’s authority. No matter what you tell them, they will do it any way. And nothing stops them except death or mercifully, the power of God. The obnoxious sister that comes in every Sunday to look for trouble falls in this category. Any way to get some attention.
Yes, avoid her because you know they are trouble.
In 1 Peter 3:3-4, Peter, a married man, said this about the dress and behavior of married women…..
“Do not let your adornment be merely outward- arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel- rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quite spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
It doesn’t matter whether it’s the bar or church. When they want to get noticed, it’s an all out intentional cat walk or red carpet actions that gets a man’s attention.
And sadly, when a married woman doesn’t get her husband’s attention, she will dress to provoke the attention of other men.
So brothers, pastors, all men, whether that’s the intention or not, do not fall for it.
Here is a Scripture (Proverbs 4:25-27) that will help you….
“Let your eyes look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you. Ponder the path of your feet, and let your ways be established. Do not turn to the right or the left; remove your foot from evil.”
Did you notice “and look at your eyelids right before you?”
That means look at your eyelids. Or close your eyes and let your eyes look at the backside of the eyelids instead of her backside.
What is the price if you fail to take heed? Proverbs 6:26 says….
“For by means of a harlot, a man is reduced to a crust of bread and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life…”
So males, to be men, you need to apply your hearts to the wisdom of God and avoid The Five Kinds Of Sinful Women that come to church.
If you don’t, I hope you like crusts of bread and I hope your nights in hell will be easy.
Weak willed pastors can hardly resist hot looking women that come to church for one thing. To take a minister and his ministry down. Very few could resist a sex starved woman and find themselves taking advantage of emotionally defenseless single or married women.
A women’s vulnerability attracts a man willing to come to her “rescue.”
It doesn’t matter if he is married. A woman’s “vulnerability,” when presented, will make a strong man vulnerable. Vulnerable in the sense that he is not thinking and he will do everything to “save” her.
Many people do not realize that there are women on demonic assignment to destroy families.
“Now therefore, listen to me, my children; pay attention to the words of my mouth: do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, do not stray into her paths; for she has cast down many wounded, and all who were slain by her were strong men, her house is the way to hell, descending to the chambers of death.”
Solomon knew what he was talking about because he was taken down to hell by 1000 women (see 1 Kings 11:1-13).
Many weakhearted married pastors fell for the smooth talking, sex starved sex pot women. For the demonically inspired women, there is no excuse. For those that cannot control their hormones, you can discipline yourself to stay away from married pastors.
For those on assignment by the devil, there is deliverance but you have to break everything in your mind to follow the Word of God for the rest of your life.
Many women will read this and feel that it is an attack on women.
Quite the contrary.
We all know that men are sight minded. Jesus made this clear in Matthew 5:27-30. When a man looks lustfully at a woman, he commits adultery in his heart.
Then the Lord gives the anecdote that will hurt.
“If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body be cast into hell.”
Was Jesus serious?
This is called “radical amputation.”
This phrase was coined by Mike Cleveland of Setting Captives Free in a course called “Way To Purity.” I am an alumnus of this 60 day accountability course of no porn and masturbation, and by the Spirit of God, Mike was not kidding.
Proverbs 27:20 says,
“Hell and destruction are never full, so the eyes of man are never satisfied.”
What was Jesus implying here?
Hebrews 12:4 says,
“You have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.”
In these Scriptures, the Word is alluding to the fact that if you cannot stop sinning sexually, it’s time to amputate. Now do not go to the hospital to request amputation. Do not go to the kitchen and pull out a knife to start cutting body parts.
Spiritually speaking, what are you willing to do to stop sinning sexually?
Are you willing to cut off the TV, satellite, cable, movies, magazines, sexually explicit video games, beach parties, backyard pool barbecues, walking the street just to run into the eye candy of the day, looking away from the crowd of women on the bus, train, walking the street, walking in church?
WHAT ABOUT SEXUAL IMMORAL LOOKING WOMEN ON FB?
And you know it’s the truth because they (sexual immoral women) are everywhere and that’s the bottom line.
You all know that there are many other places on the Internet and other forms of filing sexual images that we need to cut off.
When a woman comes across your line of sight, are you going to look at her lustfully, or are you going to exercise the discipline necessary not to file the image in your lust compartment to meditate on later at night?
Notice what the Lord said. “right eye…pluck it out…right hand…cut it off…”
When it comes to masturbation, I believe that the Lord knew exactly what men would do with these images as level one sex addicts. We men see feminine images and file them for consumption.
This “consumption” is exactly what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 5:28.
But the meditation of having sex with her in our minds isn’t enough. We move to the bedroom, and pretend to have sex with that image in our minds by way of masturbation.
When the Lord Jesus said to cut off your hand, this is exactly what He was talking about. But not just cutting off the hand to prevent it from masturbating. It includes preventing to have a live body to “act out” sexually with. Either by prostitution or by meeting up with that person we’ve lusted after to perform the pinnacle of level one sex addiction.
Getting back to my point.
Women do come to church to hatch a plan to destroy a man. In my studies on “Healthy Sexuality” it is known that sex addicted women view their sexuality as “power over a man.”
Then there are women that are drug addicts and alcoholics that use their bodies to get what they want. Money for drugs and alcohol, pay for higher education, or for power. The ones that lust for power are called Jezebels.
Then there are women that desire connection and will use men sexually for feminine affirmation and self esteem purposes. They will offer their bodies to satisfy connectivity needs.
These women believe that their femininity is irresistible and a man is vulnerable to a woman’s beauty. So they set the trap and those that are on assignment will either work their way to the pinnacle of their plan or they set out to outright go for their target.
There are women that will marry and then divorce that man. Then marry again to another and then divorce that man until they get to the one they intended all along.
Married pastor’s wife, be on the look out!
Then the blind pastor puts these women in powerful positions in church and then, they make their move to commit adultery with the pastor.
Most men will walk up to them and these women will shake them off because they already have in mind their intended target.
The married pastor.
Women that are married to pastors and preachers, you need to keep your eye out for these women. They are already sent on assignment and they know exactly what to do to take your husband away from you. Their plan is simple and all they are waiting for is for you to not believe that they are after your husband. They want what you have and they will subtly creep in and win your trust just to betray that trust when your husband, as blind as he is, leave you for her.
The sexual immoral woman is what the Preacher in Proverbs is talking about.
There are two levels of sexual immoral women.
LEVEL ONE: The Harlot
“For by means of a harlot a man is reduced to a crust of bread; and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.”
The Hebrew word for “harlot” is “zanah” and it means “to commit adultery (usually of the female, and less often of simple fornication, rarely of involuntary ravishment).” Involuntary ravishment means a man forcing himself on a woman, also known as rape because ravishment means “the crime of forcing a woman to submit to sexual intercourse against her will.”
She sets up her passive conquest. And the wife of a pastor or minister must pay close attention to who approaches her husband.
Men are blind when beauty comes before them.
I say again.
MEN ARE BLIND WHEN BEAUTY COMES BEFORE THEM.
Unless they are disciplined, they will not think that a woman is playing on the prey. Soon, they are sucked into the jaws of the harlot and one thing leads to another.
Innocent conversations has a way of leading a man to the trapdoor of hell.
Ladies, in my groundbreaking series called “Secret Sexual Sins” on BlogTalkRadio.com, I’ve already discussed the slick preacher that takes advantage of innocent women that truly need spiritual help; only to be beguiled by a predator. So this is not as one sided as you think.
However, it takes two to tango.
LEVEL TWO: The Adulteress
These woman plan on marrying the one they stole. Notice what Proverbs 6:26, the latter portion said.
“And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.”
A woman, single woman wants a married life and when they see what other married women have, they go after it. Sometimes they go after it wrongly. The life of a married man is precious. Especially when you see that he loves his wife. Cares for his wife. Takes care of his responsibilities. Is very low maintenance. These are strengths that provide security for a woman.
But hidden underneath all of this good, sometimes a man has problems and issues that spillover into his marriage.
Sometimes events are events of “perfect timing.”
A man may be having issues and all of a sudden, here comes…trouble.
The other thing that men are not aware of is that when they are down, they look for a pick me up. Women are natural pick me ups because they know how to “nurture.”
Perfect timing of the devil to bring someone that knows how to use her femininity to nurture a man that is having “issues” in the marriage.
While there are a wide variety of issues, we can see how the devil takes advantage and we must guard against them. One of the last sins that was mentioned in the Book of Revelation is “sexual immorality.”
In our sex crazed society, we see that there is an increase in the lures and traps. From handheld devices to live action in church, there is no lack of “opportunities” for the devil to bring temptation. It’s no different than the Book of Numbers, chapters 19 through 25.
The principle is no different. Purity, Victory, Sexual Immorality, Defeat.
In almost every church, the element of harlotry and adultery is there. But what are we going to do to keep it from ruining a powerful ministry?
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 and 7:1 is the answer among other Biblical answers.
Additionally, you must make a concerted effort to look out for these harlots and adulterers.
When they come, do not just look to keep them in check. Some of them may not even know that they are on assignment of the devil. Which means that if they are ready to receive the Word, you must be ready and willing to minister to them.
Depending upon where the former harlot and adulterer are, it may be necessary to defer them to another ministry that is strong in the Lord and the Word.
Wisdom. Pray for wisdom.
Those that refuse and insist on a course to destroy a man, his marriage, and the local church, they must be shown the door. And when they land in another location, if you know where they are, it is best to inform the next pastor of their actions so they could be prepared to handle it appropriately.
God is looking to bring His church into the place of holiness and we must never “give place to the devil.”
Too often, we only hear the pastor’s side of the scandal.
Some pastor’s have lust burning in their hearts. Some pastors engage in porn and self gratification. Some pastors look for sexual connections with parishioners. Some pastors are smitten when a bomb shell comes their way. Some pastors are ready to walk away from their wives in search for connections else where.
There is no question that certain women are smitten by smooth talking, good looking male preachers. Even if they are married. Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter.
Very few hear the woman’s side of the scandal.
1. Fact. Women look for connection.
2. Fact. Women are attracted to men in power and influence.
3. Fact. Women will sacrifice their bodies to achieve fulfillment, value, and self worth.
4. Fact. Women want what married women enjoy- to be loved, appreciated, and cared for by men.
5. Fact. Women use their beauty as a powerful tool of influence over men.
If these facts are to be refuted as non sense, then why does adultery take place in the church among pastors and Christian women?
Attraction is dangerous under the wrong conditions, however, too many are willing to risk it all for a one time sexual encounter with a pastor, married or not. This kind of behavior is unacceptable but it still happens because of a lack of inner discipline.
Sexual attraction is extremely dangerous for anyone that is tempted and cannot control their urges and impulses. Let alone, their eyes and their hidden feelings towards someone in a position of power and influence.
Unbridled lust and evil passions must be subdued, especially in the church.
We see that attraction to your married pastor is dead wrong. He is off limits. And even if he wasn’t married, he is still off limits. If that single pastor is called to be an eunuch, which is very rare, he is off limits (see Matthew 19:11-12).
While it is very difficult to harness your feelings when you are single, it is important for you to remember that if you are saved, your relationship with the Lord must be first and foremost. Your feelings must be subdued with prayer, fasting, and with acting or putting into practice the Word of God. Whatever emotional feelings of affections that you may have towards your pastor, they must be cast down according to 2 Corinthians 10:4-5.
Unfortunately, this is easier said than done because pastors do not make it easy. Especially if there is some kind of connection (daily and close personal interaction) that is one step away from disaster.
The repercussions and stigmatization placed upon a woman bent on crossing the line of being a home and church wrecker is not worth the effort.
Blame is to be imposed on the pastor that fails to exercise discipline or if the pastor is a “people person” with great personality and charisma.
One of the things that I’ve learned over the years is that as a man of God is preaching, the atmosphere is spiritually and emotionally charged. Sadly, it’s more emotionally charged.
Here’s the reason.
We are spirit and soul beings that live in a container. The spirit and soul are both eternal. However, the soul is more analytical, rational, and emotional. The born again spirit loves to worship and praise God. The Spirit of God leads our spirit man into the presence of the Lord and something lasting happens.
The lasting thing that happened is that we have encountered the Lord and something changed within us that brought us closer to the Lord, and deepened our relationship with Him.
And we get a bonus.
Our spirit man is already changed by the new birth except the spirit man receives glimpses of revelation and insight into understand more about God because He is Spirit.
The soul gains revelation and something in the soul changes in terms of how we respond to God. A renewing of the mind takes place that demands that we no longer think a certain way that goes against the Word of God.
The body is disciplined so as not to violate the Word of God once revelation is received. Therefore, revelation, once acted upon in true obedience, brings us into a deeper relationship with God.
The bonus is that the soul gains an understanding and becomes exuberant or extremely joyous. So as the soul experiences some measure of satisfaction and joy, because joy is an emotion, our bodies, as they are presented to the Lord gets in on the exuberance.
What then happens is that if we are not careful, if we let our emotions (male and female) go unchecked, this is where thoughts and human will power are the most vulnerable. That’s why the Word of God is used as a check because when the soul is opened up, if there is no guidance from the Scriptures or obedience to the Scriptures during the time a person is open to the Word of God, there is a tremendous opportunity for a person to be taken advantaged of.
Jesus and Paul gives very powerful insights as to how we are to control our urges and impulses.
In Matthew 26:41, Jesus said, “Watch and pray lest you fall into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak.”
In 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, Paul said, “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but might through God to the pulling down of strongholds, casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”
Paul also said in Romans 12:2 and Ephesians 4:23 to be “transformed by the renewing of your minds” and “be renewed in the spirit of your mind…”
So both the pastor and the women must engage in prayer, constantly engage in a purging of the mind by casting down reasonings that attempt to exalt itself against the knowledge of God, and to constantly renew the mind and the spirit of your minds with the Word of God.
Married and single (eunuch) pastors would do well to employ an array of safeguards to avoid traps set up by the enemy. It’s not a matter of if, it is a matter of when. Just as there are predatory pastors, there are predatory women.
There’s two classes.
1. The Jezebel Woman. Her only goal is to achieve spiritual power and control by sacrificing her body. As long as the man (Ahab) is in power, she rules. Even after having one sexual encounter, for a Jezebel, she is only concerned about one thing, how much power she could wield. Even after the anointing has left off of the pastor, she will find a way to make it seem as if he is still anointed.
2. The Immoral Woman. They are either adulterers or fornicators. Their only goal is connection. They too, will also sacrifice their bodies to achieve connection, sexual satisfaction (orgasm/dopamine), love, acceptance, and worth.
The immoral women will serve as a direct or indirect attack from the devil. Indirect in the sense that they are looking only to fulfill their own needs. Direct attacks are ones that receive direct orders from the devil to go after a specific target. Some of you may not believe it but look at what happened to Peter after he got revelation from the Father in Matthew chapter 16. Also when Judas was about to betray the Lord, satan entered into him in Luke 22:3 and John 13:27.
I cannot easily classify the next issue because this is the more common occurrence in the church.
Emotional Unstable Women.
The predatory pastor is always on the lookout to take advantage of these kinds of women. Unsuspecting emotionally charged women cannot be fully blamed because by nature, they are willing, and their emotions could flip from feeling pain to receiving and falling into sexual temptation.
And pastors knows this. When pastors play the “script” of a caring pastor, predator pastors turn on the charm and before you know it, they are in bed. The emotionally charged woman is swept off her feet and before you know it, they have sinned.
Then there are the rapist pastors that use strong-arm tactics to demand sex and spiritually warn them not to mention it to anyone. Predatory pastors use every tool, including spiritual words similar to the Bible to justify their Secret Sexual Sins.
Before, during, and after service, most people already come with an agenda to accomplish. If they are already filled in their minds about being attracted to a married pastor, then there is nothing that could be done except to pray that the pastor has safeguards in place to prevent sexual immorality.
We also know that women outnumber men in church attendance, so the attraction meter is off the scale.
For single women, it is very challenging.
In a large venue (mega church) it is not as dangerous but it is still potentially dangerous because under the right set of circumstances and happenstance, emotional atmospheres has a way of igniting “sparks” under the “right” conditions.
Again, a pastor’s most vulnerable point is when the service is over. Emotionally drained, mentally and spiritually depleted, he could be caught off guard and that’s how the enemy sets a sex trap. When you are upon the mountain top, the descent from His presence is very treacherous if the proper safeguards are not in place.
When there is an expenditure of the human spirit, there must be replenishment, protection, and wisdom deposited back into the vessel.
Even during service, where women sit and what they wear is part of the process of sexual attraction. Pastors that fail to exercise spiritual discipline in their secret lives are prone to these kinds of attacks from the enemy (satan).
What is done after service is the tale of the tape for many pastors. Where they go, who they see, what they do at home, what they watch on the street and on the TV? All these factors determines how well a pastor replenishes, protects, and apply his or her heart unto wisdom to steer clear of sexual temptation.
As a woman, it is important for you to understand that you need to exercise caution. There is very little that you can do if a pastor is lust minded but you must also be aware that what you do, say, and wear are signals to any man. You cannot get into the mind of a man and make him change his thoughts. It’s not your fault. However, you can have an understanding about how men think.
Femininity is power and women will use it to their advantage.
Seduction is power and women will use it to their advantage.
The church must not be the place where these powers attempt to distract the pastor. On the other hand, sinful pastors are already sinfully minded and he will yield to sexual temptation any way.
So what happens in church under the “right” sinful conditions set by attraction and seduction?
First, a man of God is anointed by the Lord. When he is ministering under a strong anointing, the Holy Spirit can make any unattractive vessel very attractive. He could be a five hundred pound individual, yet, the anointing makes him look good.
It is known that after an immoral encounter, whatever esteem you had for that pastor is gone. However, because a connection took place, and because you want to keep the relationship going, you will suppress the guilt and shame.
Second, after yielding to sexual temptation, you will be saying, “What in the world have I done?”
At the same time, what feelings, good, or whatever were experienced, sometimes it has a way of suppressing the Holy Spirit’s conviction of sin within you. This is where you do not want to be because no sin is justified in the eyes of the Lord and that’s how delusional thinking becomes a stronghold in the mind of a woman that desires to do everything possible to stay with that man based on an unjustified, sinful soul tie.
Listen closely to what Proverbs 30:20 says,
“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, and says, “I have done no wickedness.”
Sex to her is like eating and enjoying the meal, guiltless.
That’s why it is important for a woman that is having these attractions to consider getting counseling. Not from that pastor whom she may be attracted to. And not with his wife. Consider approaching a trusted elderly church mother. Someone with God’s Word and wisdom that can help you understand some things about yourself.
Consider leaving that church and finding another church. Put some distance to regain the real reason why you go to church. Enter into times of prayer, fasting, and meditating on the Word to keep your mind from entertaining thoughts about that pastor you may be attracted to.
Engage in activities that intentionally distract you from thoughts of sexual immorality. Find a group of sanctified women that is involved in Christ centered activities.
From the women’s prospective, it is important for the church to raise up godly women that bring honor and praise to the Lord.
Church, it’s time to be holy even as He is holy.
To hear more about sexual immorality, MOAB in the Church, please listen to our groundbreaking series on Secret Sexual Sins at www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailingword1