At The End Of The Rope In Your Marriage

There was an elderly couple that were holding hands. The wife was lying on the couch and her husband was holding her hand.

It was her last moments in her life and all she wanted at that moment was the touch of her husband’s hand. She wanted to savor the moment of knowing that she was loved by her husband.

A few moments later, assured of her husband’s caring touch that she knew would be there, she closed her eyes for the final time.

The years of being together for decades, came to an end. She made her last moment with him to count.

As the saying goes when a minister performs the vows, ““Till death, do you part.”

We don’t realize the power of these words until they become a reality.

With a husband and wife, there will be times when you wished you had another mate, and it’s because of certain events that strain a relationship. For either the male or the female, there’s that one moment of contemplating adultery.

For men, all it takes is when the eyes start searching for flesh.

After a traumatic moment in the marriage, a man will look to “reward” himself in sex. Dr. Archibald Hart stated that “Sex is the best pick me up.” When a man wants to reward himself or make himself feel better, he intuitively look for sex because of the reward drug, “dopamine,” is excreted into the blood stream and gives man a pleasurable satisfaction.

He seldomly will look to the person that they may have had an argument with (the wife) for sex. He will usually start looking a sexually provocative women, either on the street, at work, on the Internet.

In secret, he lusts after the flesh of women. In secret, he will fantasize about having sex with her, engulfed in masturbation. But the demons are always there to suggest to you to take it to the next level.

To strip joints where prostitutes, who are porn stars, will be available.

But the completely obsessed man will take things too far.

On the level of a Ted Bundy.

He becomes a serial rapist, and will take it to the level of rape and murder.

This is the world of sexual immorality where men will go to extremes because of an event in a marriage.

For wives, they feel disconnected from the husband because of certain events, whether caused by either party. She will look for a man that would sit down and confide with. She finds a man.

Probably a professional like a marriage counselor, a pastor or minister, or a lawyer. She wants to be listened to. Reassured. Comforted. Protected. Loved.

Some of these “professionals” are either “predators, or wanderers.”

Perhaps, they too, are in a strained relationship and take things to the next level.

Looking to take advantage of a vulnerable woman. At the right moment, he incrementally secures her trust.

Then, he moves from behind the desk, to sit next to her. He puts his hand on her hand. Then rubbing his hand, to holding her, then to kissing her, then the bed room.

She realizes her mistake but it’s too late. She gives in to her vulnerabilities, and the rest is history.

All because your marriage was on the ropes.

Sinning against God is no excuse. Hebrews 13:4 is clear.

The husband and the wife need to reconcile their differences before their differences turn into an irreconcilable difference.

Many couples assume that they’re at the end of the rope, not realizing that they have more rope to go.

According to the Lord Jesus in Matthew 19:1-9, there’s only one reason for divorce.

Sexual immorality.

But what about verbal abuse?

Consistent and constant verbal abuse is an anger management situation. You have to get at the root of his or her verbal abuse. It may take competent professional counseling to dig deep into the beginning of where it all started.

The husband or the wife have to choose to expose themselves in counseling to get to the root of the problem. If they don’t, it’s not recommended that they remain in a relationship because things could go south real quick.

But what about physical abuse?

This is assault. And even though there’s no Scriptural support for this to be the reason together a divorce, make no mistake about it. It is battery.

It’s domestic violence.

This is where it gets dangerous, even for police officers that show up to keep the peace.

If you don’t leave a domestic violence dispute, you may end up dead.

The sad thing is when the emotions and adrenaline of the moment subsides, they come back under the roof. Then it starts all over again. They usually don’t learn from the last incident.

You deliberately or even unintentionally do something that you know or don’t know that this triggers the event or events.

In marriages, behavioral changes may be difficult for people because of several factors.

Your upbringing, certain acts and habits that may be pleasant to you, but offensive to others. When there’s a refusal to change for the mutual benefit of the relationship, this is where the fireworks may happen.

Now there may be a tolerance for a season, but after the season of silently putting up with the difference comes to an end, it’s like a slow fire.

You smell smoke and then a secondary explosion is the one that rocks the building.

At the beginning of the marriage, you’re learning each other’s habits, patterns, and cycles. Your likes and dislikes are like lions, marking their territory. You breach the boundary, the lion gives a warning roar. Then when you continue to breach the territory, after the warning, the fighting begins.

Winner takes all.

But that’s animals. We’re humans. We’re to communicate our likes, and dislikes in a civil manner.

It’s amazing how quickly couples forget that they’re in Christ.

When you have disputes, it’s not the time to declare that you’re at the end of the rope. It’s the time to go back to your vows and reach deep into loving each other as Christ loves the church, and for the wife, like the church, to submit to Christ.

Besides, if it’s another woman you want, you will be irreparably burned and shamed. For the wife, your harlotry will embarrass you.

Finally, the world does revolving door weddings. Remember the woman at Jacob’s well in Samaria? She was searching for a man to satisfy her, she had 5 husbands and the one that she was with, wasn’t her husband.

It took the Lord to reveal to her that continuous adultery is unsatisfying. The Lord revealed to her that only the water that Jesus had would satisfy the longing in her heart.

And this is where there’s more rope in your marriage than you think.

For only the Lord Jesus could satisfy us completely.

It’s also stunning that when we look elsewhere that we select what we had.

It underscores one thing.

What you had was God’s best.

So when you’re at the end of your rope in marriage, just know that there’s plenty of rope left.

Fight for your marriage.

Pastors, Adultery, & Divorce

There are many pastors and believers that are unaware of the “ironclad” rules of divorce as dictated by the Lord Jesus and concurred by Paul.

For years, we have seen people get married. Then, for any other reason, except sexual immorality, get a divorce and get married again, and again.

Reducing marriage to whoredom and harlotry (see Leviticus 20:1-24).

What did Jesus say about divorce?

He didn’t say much but what He said packs a punch in the world’s system where a “do over” is permitted.

For years, we’ve watched what the Lord Jesus observed with the woman of Samaria without caring what The Lord intended in Genesis 2:24, and we wonder why LGBT is seemingly successful in wrestling marriage away from God’s people (see John 4:1-26).

Having 5 men and living with one that isn’t her husband. Clearly a violation of the law. Although the Samaritans, by the way, are cousins of the Jews, yet, they still claim to worship the Lord. We find this similar pattern with believers of the Lord Jesus today. We claim to worship at a place but we do not worship the Lord in spirit and in truth.

There are millions of believers that have divorced for any other reason except sexual immorality.

We have done what Jesus mentioned in Matthew 15.

“…transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition.”

The world permits marriage after divorce as many times as you want, but what does the Word of God say?

What did Jesus say?

To me, we have completely ignored what the Lord said and called it “love.”

Doesn’t this argument sound familiar?

The homosexuals call it “love” because they believe that if two persons of the same sex love each other, they have a right to be married.

Well where did they get that from?

From the people that believe that if they divorce, they are entitled to be married to another, and another.

To be married again is only permitted if a spouse commits adultery and the one that didn’t commit adultery has a right to remarry, provided that they do not marry a person that is divorced.

Yet, we have circumvented the Word of God, completely ignored what the Lord Jesus said, and acted like the world to marry, divorce, and marry again at will. This is partly the reason why sexual immorality is increasing in the people that profess to know Jesus. When divorce is an option, people will exercise that option. When the Lord Jesus closed the option, He wanted to make sure that we get the message.

That marriage is for life.

The Lord put Proverbs 18:22 there for a reason.

“He that finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”

When it comes to seeking a wife, brothers, you have to take your time and make sure that you know that this is the one for life.

It’s called due diligence.

In other words, make sure it’s the one you want. If not, Paul’s admonition is excellent.

It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”

Ladies, you cannot be so quick to “lock him down.”

Do your due diligence.

Do not ignore your intuition guided by the Holy Spirit. Those warning signals are there for a reason. Do not push it aside because you are about to get married.

Those signs are there to be read. If you go past the stop signal or sign, it’s on you.

There are a lot of people that are ill-prepared for the rigors of marriage. More people prepare for the wedding with elaborate details but they fail to prepare for the marriage, long term, until death. The first three years of marriage tells the tale of the tape. If either one of them continues to act childish, either one of them will claim “irreconcilable differences” as the reason to divorce.

The Bible is clear about that. There is no such thing as an irreconcilable difference. The couple has chosen to separate or divorce because they have chosen not to reconcile the difference. In other words, like two little brats, they hold fast to their position, and refuse to mutually negotiate a compromise to mutually benefit the relationship.

So they make up reasons and attempt to justify them and end up divorced. Then they happen to want a person back in their life other than the first person they marry, and they walk down the isle again. The Lord is very specific. If they divorce for any other reason than for sexual immorality, and they get a divorce, it is wrong. And if any one marries a person that is divorced, commits adultery.

We’ve allowed the rules of the world to circumvent the Word of God, and all we have is whoredom and harlotry in the house of the Lord.

Over 13 years ago, we’ve seen a woman come into the church with children from either a marriage or from fornication, get married to two men, divorced these two men from the same church, and ended up marrying the married pastor of the church she twice got married in. The pastor did the wedding for this woman twice and ended up marrying the twice or more divorced woman and destroyed his marriage.

It goes without saying that the wife of this pastor was completely devastated as well as this growing church was devastated and destroyed.

As a result, some of the men in his church decided to divorce their wives and left a wake of confused women.

We’ve heard of a bishop that told his first wife that God said that she was not the one. After 16 years of marriage and two children. He marries another younger woman just 7 days after the divorce was settled. Now, we all know that the Lord can speak before the marriage and tell you to look for another.

Why would the Lord tell you after 16 years of marriage that she was not the one?

A praise and worship “artist” while married commits adultery, a baby is birthed out of wedlock, they get married after over a year together and everything is ok?

Are you kidding me?

Hebrews 13:4 is still in the Bible. And the rock that gets thrown into a pack of dogs, the first one that gets hit, is the one that hollers. I guarantee you that many will holler because there are many that never repented. They may have asked for forgiveness but we’ve gotten that wrong. God offers forgiveness to the one that repents. When you plan on never repenting, it is an indication that you plan on sinning again.

True repentance means that you are done forever with sin, including our favorite ones.

It seems to me that adultery and fornication, or Secret Sexual Sins is man’s favorite sin.

But we have failed to realize that we hurt God, and innocent people in the process of our Selfish Individual Needs (SIN).

It shows you that some deceived men are just as wickedly deceived as some woman. On both sides of the pulpit, we have people that are sexually immoral and we refuse to confront these tough issues because we don’t want to hurt people. Never mind the fact that we hurt God bad. Never mind that He created us for His glory but we have brought shame to His name.

We have tracked mud for years into His presence and only the wise are careful enough to have enough sense to remove our shoes in His presence.

If we do not go back to the standards of the Word of God in the areas of marriage and get this thing right, we could talk about Secret Sexual Sins all day long and nothing will come of it.

I am finding that there is little to no teaching on the subject of adultery and divorce. We have changed the commandment of God for the commandment of men. We have allowed ourselves to take an eraser and completely alter the Word of God, and we wonder why we are so jacked up?

And because preachers are leading the way back into darkness, the people, like priests, follow cheerfully to judgment.

Then there are people who will refuse to follow the correct teachings of marriage and destroy themselves, not caring at all about the high standard of marriage set and itched in stone in the Word of God.

Below is a chart I’ve developed to help us to understand the simplicity of adultery and divorce.

Take the time to read the Word of God about adultery and divorce.

These verses of Scripture are not that difficult to understand, yet, we avoid a very tough issue to permit sin in the camp.

Married Husband Or Wife Seeks Divorce Marrying Divorced PeopleWidows & Virgins Domestic ViolenceNo Scriptural Basis To Remain Married

Irreconcilable Differences

Husband Or Wife CommitsSexual Immorality.Divorce Is Granted.

Husband Or Wife Can Remarry.

The Adulterer or Adulteress Cannot.

Matthew 5:31-32, 19:9

 

Whoever Marries A Divorced Woman Commits Adultery.Matthew 5:31-32, 19:9A Divorced Man Or Woman Must Remain Unmarried or Be Reconciled

To Their First Husband or Wife.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11

Domestic Violence is a criminal act. Common sense dictates that separation and or divorce is the only recourse when the person initiating the violence is obviously a clear and present danger to the life of the spouse.If a change of heart takes place, reconciliation is permitted.
If no sexual immorality was committed, yet the husband or the wife still seeks a divorce, neither are to be married again, but they could reconcile the relationship.1 Corinthians 7:10-11 Widows and widowers may remarry. Virgins may get married.1 Corinthians 7:8-9Death Obviously 

Annuls The Marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:39

There is no such thing as an irreconcilable difference. Two people decide not to reconcile their differences because they choose not to compromise or relinquish their position. This is no grounds for divorce according to Matthew 5:31-32, 19:9, but if they still insist on getting a divorce, they are not permitted to marry another person. They can only reconcile their relationship and remarry each other.

Why Do Men Wait To Get Married?

By Fred C. Rochester. Copyright  2011. All Rights Reserved.

Why do men wait to get married?

Cold feet?

Sour nerves?

Scared stiff?

There are two basic reasons which we will get to in a moment, but the descriptions listed above are shallow reasons why males never commit to one woman. Yes, there is something much deeper that keeps him from picking the woman of his dreams.

1. Relationship Phobia

Sometimes males that were in bad relationships often shy away from commitment. As big and bad a man is, the mistimed and misunderstood words of a woman can cut him to pieces. Especially when a male fails to do right by the woman and the female let him have it. Or the female is found to do somethings and it gets to him. He pursues the issue with her and he gets cut up real bad.

In frustration and anger, he storms out of the relationship and hides for a long time.

Where does he hide?

It ranges from, the “man cave” to watch porn and gratify himself, to the bosom of another woman. Or he takes a walk to let some steam off.

As you can see, there are two sides to any relationship.

Male and female must learn to properly communicate in a relationship if there is any chance for the relationship to survive. Granted, we all know how to be nice when we want something or someone but when we are not in a good mood or we were burned once, or, perhaps we’ve had a bad day, we turn off the charm.

When a male doesn’t want to communicate, he completely shuts down. When it comes to communicatory relationships, men rarely score high in this area.

We males shut down or give very short answers.

Why?

Sometimes the short answers will not make sense, or is confusing, or fails to satisfy the female’s inquisition, interrogation, desire to understand what her mate is trying to communicate.

This is what a man feels when a woman is very aggressive in her questioning.

It is her way of attempting to get her point across that the tone of questioning has the potential of making the man feel inferior. If a man did wrong, he should be questioned. However, timing is everything. So the man goes toe to toe and fires back or walks away in silence while being screamed at.

Short answers is a signal that he is not in a communicating mood and he does not want to talk further about the situation, for now.

As unfair it is to the female, this is not something that she should have to put up with.

Communication is a two way street.

So many couples fail in communicatory relationships because of the bullheaded unwillingness of the male to steer his anger elsewhere and talk about the issue. The other side of the failure is the never ending insistence and persistence of the female to pull on a man to tell it all. When two bullheaded persons are at it, it makes for drama. In the end, where there is no grace to resolve the issue, both are exasperated, and they have had enough.

In either case, both of them are not right.

Some will say that it is not the man’s fault that he doesn’t want to talk about the issue and it’s not the woman’s fault for attempting to pull out of him something that he may not be ready to deal with.

This is frustrating to a woman because females were designed for communicatory relationships. It is very easy for them to talk because that’s their make up. Communication is their main line that feeds and fosters connections to people. How they communicate and what is communicated is another story.

Connection is important to females because when it comes to value, worth, and esteem, how they connect and who they connect with gives them a sense of value. To be desired, loved, and wanted is necessary for them. Therefore, it is their main form of self expression.

Why?

Men can be lonely, disconnected, and isolated. When a female comes around, within a man, he brightens up the moment she is in ear or eyesight. The right words at the right time could ease the tension in the heart and mind of a man. The wrong words at the wrong time could destroy a man.

In her godly ability to communicate is the ability to nurture, build up, and esteem her mate.

When demonically inspired, it can destroy a man.

When a male is coming out of past relationships, it takes a male longer to heal because in the soul of a man is the ability to compartmentalize. The soul of a man is deep and has many places where he could store wounds, bad episodes, and drama. When I say deep. I am not kidding. He could be bleeding inside and you, as a woman may or may not be aware of it.

When he is not ready to talk about it, it’s because he is protecting two essential things in him. His image called “male ego” and his ability to “handle his business.” If these two things are disturbed in any way, his weakness is revealed and his manhood is ridiculed.

Women are emotionally designed to relate and connect. For a male not to relate is a clear indication that there is something deeply imbedded within him that he will not pull up until healing occurs. At the right moment, when he feels safe he will tell all.

2. Playing The Field

The woman of his “dreams” is a sex object found in porn, loose women, scantily clad women that walk the streets, leaving nothing to be desired, or conservative dressing woman that he easily undresses with his shameful mind, the bathing suit women on magazine stands and clothing catalogues (substitute porn), and his world of false intimacy and self gratification, commonly called masturbation, deeply rooted in his flesh and wild imagination.

He would never, in his right mind, marry an immoral woman because of her seductive qualities that attract a better looking man than himself.

In all actuality the real woman of his dreams is always found on the communicative relationship connection. She knows his heart, not just what’s below his waist. Her inner qualities of understanding him is the true attraction. He can confide in her because her heart is after God.

She gives to him what no other woman is qualified or graced to give.

Godly counsel from the Lord.

Cheap sex is demonically and deceptively “safer” for a man because he will not have to engage in fostering an ongoing relationship. There is no reason for this ungodly activity because it only leads to more sin and it further darkens his callous spirit. Through these activities, he is deceived into thinking that this is his only way of releasing sexual tension and achieving satisfaction. Through sin, he believes that he can resolve his issues. In sin, there is no satisfaction or resolution. Only remorse and death (see Romans 6:23 and James 1:14-15).

Sexual intercourse between male and female is designed and authorized within the marriage to physically express their deep love for each other, and to help married couples stay bonded, spirit, soul, and body.

When a man has had many women, he is soul tied to many women and will never escape the spiritual and emotional connections that ultimately disconnects him from God. As long as a man is spiritual disconnected from God, he cannot truly connect to a woman.

Why?

It’s called “holy matrimony.”

Godly soul ties is a benefit of marriage that keeps the entire relationship safe.

According to a report, if a man that is married engages in an adulterous relationship, he opens himself to an aggressive form of prostate cancer.

When it comes to immorality, the measure of the kind of woman that he wants is only from one place.

What he wants in his bedroom is only for self satisfaction purposes, and is only for healing emotional wounds and pains. He is using the reward drug “dopamine” as a medicinal property to heal such wounds inflicted in past relationships.

This is sin according to Matthew 5:27-28.

When a man is still a “player,” he will continue to do so for a couple of reasons.

1. He plays the hearts of single women looking for a husband.

He says the key words that make a vulnerable and almost desperate woman, give up the store.

“I love you. You look gorgeous. I’ll take care of you.”

2. He throws money, dinner, and nice things at her to keep her interested as a means of making sure she doesn’t go to anyone else.

Sadly, many woman do not even get to the altar to get married. They hold on and hold out for so long, and they never get to turn their dreams into reality.

Most women will not walk away from a conniving male. Some will throw themselves away sexually in an attempt to keep him because of these unfulfilled “promises.” Sadly, they are willing to put up with his loose living just to have somebody.

It’s sad that a woman of value will endure a long bad relationship that she knows is going no where just to say that “at least I have a man.” There comes a point where lying to yourself is a revelation of a longing in your heart for the situation to turn for the better, knowing that you are being held back.

God has better for you. And you know it.

The one thing that is in women is the ability to “trust.” Words, even deceptive words and empty promises are held on to forever.

Why do males do this?

When there are other women that use their “femininity” to make men bow down at their altar of lust, it is a form of power over a weak willed man. In essence, it is the player in reverse. This is the other side of the spectrum. The Bible calls these kinds of women, “the immoral woman’ (see Proverbs 5:3, 20, 7:5, 22:14).

But the moral woman suffers more because they are doing their best to live godly and hold themselves. Almost to the point of being penalized for being godly. We must remember, that the Lord sees what you are doing and He will reward you for your faithfulness to Him. And it seems like the men get away with it everyday. But that is not the case. Men pay for their mistakes.

Every male that has planted a seed in the ground of immorality always gets a bumper crop harvest (see Galatians 6:7-8).

Not one male has ever failed to receive the reward of the wicked according to Romans 6:23.

Ask any man that made the “mistake” and never paid for it.

It is just a matter of time.

Babies out of wedlock, STDs, and other issues. Child support and hospital visits to ease the pain of STDs. Condoms is the lie of the century. It’s just a matter of time when failure will occur. Your number is sure to come up because the failure rate is higher than the government figures are willing to release.

And sooner or later, you will get tired of stopping to put one on. You want live action. Fool, it’s just a matter of time. And guess who pays for the mistake more than males?

Women. And the children born if they make it past abortion, foster homes, and abandonment.

Ladies, if you would do one thing. Make him work for it, you will show that you are more valuable than you think. Make him put a ring on your finger and stay faithful to you.

If you really want to show your “power” over a male, all you have to do is shut it down. You are not supposed to give up your virginity any way because your virginity is sacred. Your virginity is worth more than all the gold and money on the earth. Your stock would soar when you demand marriage.

Sadly, we all know what happens. Another loose woman comes along and gives him sex and the fool hearty male will watch the fruit of his years go by. Looking at another generation of children brought into the world to continue the sad cycle of a generational curse.

Males won’t get married because they feel that when they are tied to one woman, they cannot have the fun of sex without relational wounds. However, as time progress, they will have to learn how to relate.

I read a story of a man that played the field. For years he would deceive women until one day, at age 60, he decides to settle down. Males marry late because he is able to deceive single women and get only one thing from them.

Sex.

By the time they are 35 and 40, they decide to settle on one woman. They have children and he is running around after children late in life. Both the husband and wife, at age 40+, is chasing after 3 and 4 year olds. Too tired to be the kind of parents they need to be.

Granted, the economic conditions of our times is not helping people make early decisions to get married in their 20’s and start a family before 25. The cost of living is incredible. We are seeing unemployment at staggering rates. The poverty rate for 2010/2011 is at 15.1%.

For African Americans, the unemployment rate is double that of whites at between 16 and 18%.

The economic conditions of our day has certainly put a delay on getting married early. However, males still play the field for free. It’s called “cheap sex.” Sex without marital price.

What is the answer to this because there are many single women looking to get married but the males are unresponsive. Throw into the mix the fact that males are now entering into either bisexual relationships or out right homosexual relationships. This further erodes the chances for single women to find an available male.

The answer is clear.

Everyone must return to the Lord. Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Establishing a relationship with the Father, through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. This is where it all starts. The Bible is consistent that when people turn to the Lord, the conditions change. The starting point is repentance. The maintenance part is regularly worshipping God. Fellowshipping with the saints of God and practicing the Word of God.

You never know when the Lord will bring you to a place where a man is waiting on you to marry.

If you are in the NYC area, we invite you to attend our service as a guest. Please click the link below for directions to our local church.

We look forward to serving you as our guest at Prevailing Word Ministries, in the matchless name of Jesus!

www.prevailingwordbiblechurch.org

www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailingword1

www.amazon.com/SecretSexualSins/lm/R368T18PDSQB6F

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