Tagged: dr mark laaser

10 Deadly Sins Of Leaders Involved In Secret Sexual Sins: Deliberate Avoidance Of Confrontation

So far, we’ve covered 5 of the 10 Deadly Sins Of Leaders Involved In Secret Sexual Sins.

#5. Pride and Arrogance.

#4. Failure To Take Heed.

#3. Compromise And Conviction.

#2. Candid Camera.

And the first one….

No Real Relationship With The Lord.

So here we are with #6, Deliberate Avoidance Of Confrontation.

In one way or another, we all avoid the place where a good spanking is coming for us. As kids growing up, we want to do our thing and get away with it. We know that sooner or later, it will catch up to us, and like clock work, the dinner bell of judgment comes.

The Lord confronted the sins of David by sending the prophet Nathan. The Lord Jesus met the woman at Jacob’s well. The Lord Jesus had a woman caught in the act of adultery brought to her. The Lord confronted Cain concerning the murder of Abel.

It is apparent that the discovery of a secret is the most feared aspect of Secret Sexual Sins.

Notice what the Lord Jesus said in John 3:19-21….

“And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.”

Notice what Paul said in 1 Thessalonians 5:4

“But you, brethren, are not in darkness, so that this Day should overtake you as a thief. You are all sons of light and sons of the day. We are not of the night nor of darkness. Therefore let us not sleep, as others do, but let us watch and be sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk are drunk at night.”

When Paul speaks of those that sleep at night and get drunk at night, and when the Lord said, men loved darkness rather than light,” it is a clear indication that concealment depicts secrecy.

When you want to commit sin, it’s the works of darkness that gives you the false sense of security that you can get away with it. But the reality is that works of darkness are done in the dark. It depicts the sinister nature of a person bent on sinning against the Lord. We must remember that the Psalmist in Psalm 139, said of the Lord that “the night and the day are both alike to You.”

In other words, God doesn’t care if you believe that you can hide under the cloak or cover of darkness. He can still see you. Sometimes, we act like He doesn’t see us.

Remember, sin is an act of defiance against the known will of God.

Now look at what Paul said in Ephesians 5:11-13…

“And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light.”

The intent of light is to expose the secrets of darkness. Confrontation is designed to shed light on what we may be doing in secret so we could avoid more judgment. Confrontation is part of the “chastisement of the Lord” (see Hebrews 12:4-17). If the Lord didn’t love you, He wouldn’t bother to shed any of His light on what you are doing in secret. He would let you do what you do and still judge you, based on His righteousness.

When you are hiding something, you have no confidence before the Lord, and no confidence before men. However, we must never allow such confidence to take us over into the area of pride, and false humility. As Paul admonished, “Take heed, lest we fall.”

John, the beloved apostle of the Lamb said these words in 1 John 3:19-22…

“And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.”

When you do not have confidence, you hide. Just like Adam and Eve did when the Lord came to confront their sin.

The Lord already knew they had sin but as a loving Father, He was not going to let what they did go.

It must be confronted.

I thought that confrontation takes place when a person sits down with another individual to delve into their lives. Sort of like, spill your guts and tell me everything that is going on in you, and if I find anything, I will lay you out. In other places, this may not be the case where consent is given. However, when it comes to discovery, sometimes, this doesn’t work because of fear. Even when there is nothing at all to discover, the fear is sometimes too much to overcome.

This kind of discovery tactic intimidates everyone. Little do we realize that this is the fear of God at work. Besides, God is more interested in the heart coming to Him than sitting down and digging up a person’s hidden secrets. Do not get me wrong. The Lord will resort to this when your sins are blatant and you show no serious indication that you will relent. When it comes to an individual bent on sexually sinning anyway, sometimes, truthfulness and honesty is a fleeting thing.

Some men and women are great liars. That’s what hypocrites do so well. They play the part of another so convincingly that to detect who they really are is almost impossible. However, it doesn’t matter what role you play before the Lord because He is God. He is omniscient. Even when the Lord confronted Cain, Cain was determined to kill Abel no matter what God said.

Cain was already in the depraved indifference state of mind. In other words, he didn’t care that the Lord said something to him. That’s the way it was with me. I didn’t care about what the Lord said. My sin was more important than the Word of God. My sin was more important than my relationship with God. My sin was more important than my love for my wife and daughter.

Sin’s acronym is Selfish Individual Needs. 

This is not the way that every person should order their lives. To attempt to pattern after something that may not work for you, only invites future shipwrecks. However, in living before God, we are to walk “blameless unto the coming of the Lord.”

The key phrase is the coming of the Lord.”

It is clear that everyone will not be ready at the coming of the Lord. The point of blameless is to be ready when He comes. Blameless is the only position of readiness. You cannot commit sin and be ready for the coming of the Lord. When the Lord confronts you about any sin, it is so that you would enter into repentance, receive forgiveness, and from that point, learn to walk blameless before the Lord.

I often thought….what would happen if I am watching porn and masturbating. Would the Lord accept me into His kingdom? Am I walking blameless? Am I walking in the light as He is in the light? Am I in fellowship with the Father through His Son, the Lord Jesus? Am I like the five wise virgins or am I like the five foolish virgins?

When it comes to confrontation, it may come in many forms. The Lord would send people in your path to distract you from making provision to fulfill the lusts of the flesh. The Lord may have you switch, unknowingly, radio stations to hear an important message from Him. Confrontation comes is various ways, designed to keep us off balance.

Off balance in the sense that you do not know when confrontation will come. Unpredictability has the potential of keeping a person honest. Then again, unpredictability of confrontation is no incentive at all for some bent on not being blameless before the Lord. Nonetheless, confrontation is there to protect us from impending judgment. Especially when we are entertaining the thought to cross the line we said to ourselves that we wouldn’t dare cross.

Finally, in Dr. Mark Laaser’s book on Healing The Wounds Of Sexual Addiction, I believe he talked about a story about a married, father of children pastor that robbed banks to feed his sexual addiction habits of porn, masturbation, strip clubs, Internet porn, and prostitutes. At the end, he was tried and convicted of armed robbery and served time. He lost his pastorate, obviously, and he hurt his family and children. At the pinnacle of this were layers of neglect.

The intentional disregard for the confronting power of God to save him from this pinnacle event.

When we refuse to even consider that the Lord is speaking to us in His still small voice, a much distinguishing, loud, impossible to ignore voice speaks to us. It could be that when we are about to cross a line, the voice of the Lord comes when the police comes. The voice of the Lord comes when the judge imposes a sentence for an avoidable crime. The voice of the Lord comes loud and clear when an STD of an incurable nature comes.

Yes, the voice of the Lord comes in many ways but it is prudent to listen to the voice of the Lord when we are still tender in our hearts and minds. The Lord knows how to salvage the unsalvageable. The Lord knows how to redeem the unredeemable. The Lord knows how to take a broken life, pieces all over the place, and one by one, put our lives back together again.

When the confrontation comes, let’s not run, but let’s embrace it.

Just Can’t Seem To Quit Self Gratification

Oh, heaven NO!!!!

No relapse on my part. Not on your life because we are getting too close to the finale. I know that’s it’s been a while since my last blog. However, this is not a report of me backsliding kind of blog.

The trumpet will sound and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we that are alive and remain will be caught up together in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

To stay holy is my one goal. I do not plan to be fulfilling the lust of the flesh and satisfying myself when Jesus comes.

Some of you may recall the 10 virgins. Five were wise. Five were foolish. When the bridegroom came, it was time for them to go to the wedding. The five wise had enough oil for the journey in the night and the five foolish did not. The five foolish asked the five wise to spare what they had, and the wise ones declined.

The five wise told them to go and buy for themselves. So they went out to buy oil for themselves, and they found some, but by the time they got to the door, it was shut.

They knocked on the door and the bridegroom did not let them in.

It was too late.

There are many incentives to take advantage of to quit sexual immorality, however, very few will incorporate such incentives.

The pleasures of self gratification can be overwhelming because of the rewards it offers. However, the reward of heaven with Christ outweighs the pleasures of self gratification. There comes a point in your walk with the Lord where masturbation is something you do not need.

Dr. Mark Laaser, who wrote a book on Healing The Wounds Of Sexual Addiction, did a course and placed a powerful lesson on Sexual Addiction on CD. He asked a question, “Can you do without masturbation and sex with your wife?” That’s radical. Because he continued and said, “If you can’t, you do not have full control and you cannot manage your sex life.”

The release of sexual tension is powerful. However, there comes a point where these pleasure of life must come to an end one way or another. Either through self discipline or when the catching away of the people of God takes place. Even after that, people will still engage in some form of releasing sexual tension. Even then, it’s just a matter of time before it all comes to an end.

NO MORE SEX!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!

For many people, a sense of hopelessness and shame clouds the mind. Hopelessness is the fog of war in the mind and flesh.

As long as this feeling of hopelessness lingers in the mind, the attempt to break free is the light at the end of the tunnel that is seemingly a fleeting thing. Many men and women have dashed their hopes because the urges and impulses dictates their every move.

In my studies about sexuality, I learned that many people plan their day around sex. It usually is at the expense of a marriage, their job, and ultimately, their relationship with the Lord. It was true for me too. The obsession, infatuation, day dreaming, open minded thoughts of reading a newspaper, magazine, women watching, and porn. My whole day was planned around an orgasm.

All these things and the true worship of God takes a back seat. In most cases, a relationship with God in hypocrisy is better than no relationship at all. As ridiculous as this sounds, this is where many of God’s people are. I can identify with this because when you refuse to equate the sin of self gratification as part of the religious ritual of false penance, it is easy to think that you are just as close to God as if you never sinned.

Like John, the apostle of the Lamb said, “If we say we have fellowship with Him and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.”

I know you are not going to let me off the hook about calling masturbation a sin because there is no specific chapter and verse that declares that masturbation is a sin. However, where the Bible is silent, it is never to be assumed that it is safe to commit an act. Besides, not many people will agree that since Jesus didn’t do it, neither should I.

This stops all of the pretense.

I mean, we are to be like Christ in every way? Right?

If this is so according to, Romans 8:29, and if we are to prove that good, acceptable, and perfect will of God, to yield our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is our reasonable service according to Romans 12:1, then we should be able, at least consider the fact that the Lord desires for sin to not have dominion over us according to Romans 6:12.

The majority of the time, we are always looking for a reason to continue in sin that grace may abound” according to Romans 6:1. When we get to the place where we desire to please the Lord, we find ourselves looking for reasons to continue in righteousness so that grace may abound. We look to cut our hands and our eyes, we look to strive against sin even to the shedding of our own blood to stop sin.

No, put the Rambo knife down.

Jesus and the writer of Hebrews spoke of entering a place of radical cutting off of the instruments and members so that we would stop sinning.

Paul said, by the Spirit of God, “The body is not made for sexual immorality.” 

The physical body was made to be indwelled by the Lord. The Lord desired to inhabit man and the body is not for fornication (pornea).

As long as we make provision to fulfill the desires of the flesh and mind, we will never break its cycle.

Millions of men and women throughout the world masturbate every day. For reasons that range from sexual perversion to fulfill lust, to releasing sexual tension is a major problem. It seems like marriage, which is the answer to stop masturbation is no longer the answer that man wants to accept. Additionally, self control, a fruit of the Spirit according to Galatians 5:22, is cast to the side.

The parable of the sower is the most powerful parable that Jesus ever spoke. In that parable is the answer to handle the problems we face in life. It also serves as the gauge or measuring tool to locate where you are in your relationship with the Lord. Producing fruit is the thing that most concerns the Father. Galatians 5:22. John 15:1-5 confirms this and Jesus further confirms this when He said that we are known by our fruit.

Man will stand in four places. Good ground, wayside, stoney ground, and thorny ground.

The last ground, thorny ground speaks of people that are trapped in cares, riches, and pleasures of life. 

The pleasures of this life come with a price. If we are unable to cast aside the pleasures of this life, we may never be free. But thank God your failure is not final. While there is still time, you can enjoy freedom in Christ from the powerful urge to masturbate. You can return to experience a healthy sexual life with your wife or husband if you are married.

Most importantly, you can be restored in your relationship with the Lord in righteousness and true holiness, laying aside every weight and the sin that does so easily beset you, to lay aside every filthiness and overflow of wickedness, to cleanse ourselves from the filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

Hopelessness is coming to an end for you. New life in Christ is at hand for you.