Even as information is available everywhere to discuss this taboo issue, many wives have expressed disappointment and frustration over the fact that pastors are ill-equipped to address their husband’s porn and masturbation activities.
The answer is simple.
Pastors are ill-equipped for three reasons.
1. They’ve never studied the subject thoroughly enough.
2. They are secretly involved in porn and masturbation themselves (50% of pastors in America).
3. They refer the subject to worldly counselors and Christian counselors, specializing in this area.
I thank God for Pastor Roger Jamison, senior pastor of Sword Of The Spirit Tabernacle in Brooklyn, NY for showing me where to get the information and he deserves much of the credit for this. A majority of these questions were posed to me by Pastor Roger. I’ve written down a few of my own to cover as much ground as possible.
I believe that every pastor should understand the very basics of this subject because sooner or later, a wife will come into the pastor’s study with questions. Sooner or later, a husband will come into the pastor’s study and ask questions to be delivered.
In many circles, deliverance ministry is often the way many pastors address the issue.
They anoint with oil, pray for them, lay hands on them, and then send them on their way.
Few realize that it will take this and one on one ministry over a long period of time.
Sexual immorality is a very entrenched stronghold that requires tenacity, vigilance, persistence, and a willingness to cut certain things to the root.
Porn, masturbation, and illegal sex is man’s most sacred idol.
You mess with a man’s immoral sex life and you will get his wrath.
Very few men will desire to be free because they believe that this is their business.
Pastors should avail themselves with as much material on this subject because every church has a person that is into porn and masturbation. The size of the church doesn’t matter. And the reputation of the church doesn’t matter. Just because something looks holy and sound holy is not excluded.
Mega, mid-sized, and store front churches all have some measure of men involved in sexual immorality, porn and masturbation.
If the pastor knows everything and what every man is doing sexually, this statement wouldn’t be as bold. Even I, in a small storefront church with only 9 men as members in Brooklyn, NY, would never take it for granted. Men are capable of falling into Secret Sexual Sins no matter how much I preach on this subject.
Having said this, many women will express exasperation over her husband’s porn and masturbation addictions.
If her husband is willing to sit with a pastor, a pastor must be clean, holy, and pure before God. He must ask pointed questions to get at the heart of the issue. He must be prepared with as much information as possible. It will not take one night of pouring oil and laying on of hands. It will take a great deal of dealing with the mind of a man bent on keeping his perversion.
The wife must be supportive and prayerful. She must be patient because his addiction didn’t happen over night.
Finally, the pastor should ask that man to answer 40 questions. This will help the pastor to ascertain the depths of her husband’s porn and masturbation involvement. Many of you reading this will not agree with this and the questions. However, every person has a different approach to dealing with porn and masturbation.
1. Do you know Jesus as your Lord & Savior?
2. Do you love your wife and your children, if any?
3. How often do you attend church with your family?
4. How often do you read your Bible and pray?
5. Do you know that your wife loves you and how does she express her love for you (she says that she loves you)?
6. How often do you look at movies with sexual content?
7. Do you look forward to looking at movies with sexual content?
8. Does the magazine stand with sexually provocative pictures, TV commercials, Internet news and weather stories with sexually attractive women stimulate you to watch porn and masturbate when you get home?
9. Do you consider yourself an introvert (isolated) or are you very social?
10. Do you believe that porn and masturbation is a sin? Why or why not?
11. Do you believe that looking at another woman sexually is a sin? Why or why not?
12. Do you believe in marriage and monogamy? Why or why not?
13. How often do you and your wife experience sexual intimacy?
14. Are you still sexually attracted to your wife?
15. Does your wife satisfy you sexually?
16. Do you share your sexual preferences (reasonably mutual sex positions and sex acts), and does she share her sexual preferences with you to please each other in the bedroom?
17. What emotions and attitudes does your wife possess that turn you away from her? (loud, boisterous, combative, confrontational, overbearing, headstrong, mean spirited).
18. Does she ask questions for information or does it turn into an inquisition?
19. How often do you and your wife argue, and over what specific issue(s)?
20. Do you watch porn and masturbate? And if so, how often?
21. Are you into drugs and alcohol, or any other substance?
22. If involved, describe such involvement. Occasionally, moderate to heavy addiction?
23. When you are not sexually satisfied (orgasm), do you masturbate to achieve sexual satisfaction?
24. At what age were you exposed to watching porn?
25. At what age did you start touching yourself sexually?
26. Were you ever molested or sexually assaulted?
27. Is any thing preventing you from having sexual intimacy with your wife regularly?
28. Do you have any medical conditions (such as ED erectile dysfunction) that may prevent you from sexual performance with your wife?
29. In the morning and at night, do you touch yourself sexually when an erection occurs?
30. Have you ever committed adultery or solicited a prostitute?
31. What keeps you interested in watching porn?
32. Does sadness, depression, worry, fear, pain in the soul, anger, loneliness, hunger, fatigue, job satisfaction or job dissatisfaction, job or marriage pressures, marriage dissatisfaction, discouragement, or money issues trigger the desire to watch porn and masturbate?
33. Do you and your wife resolve the issue(s) before going to bed?
34. Have you seriously considered getting help to stop watching porn and masturbation?
35. Have you seriously considered understanding the true facts behind pornography and masturbation?
36. Have you ever considered the fact that if you have children, your son might eventually be exposed to your porn and masturbation habits?
37. Have you ever considered the possibility that if you have a daughter, she might be kidnapped for the sex trade, kidnapped for child porn or molestation, or grow up to be a porn star, or get married to a man with porn and masturbation habits like you?
38. How often have you called it quits to porn and masturbation and return to committing these acts?
39. Have you ever been so mad at yourself for watching porn and masturbating that you’ve considered doing harm to yourself?
40. Do you want to be free?
Pastors, feel free to use these questions because you will need them.
But make sure that you are free from porn and masturbation yourself. You can’t help a man out of a burning building if you are burning in the same building.
Growing up as a kid, you hear things that made you think.
Statements like “go play with yourself” had that sexual overtone that everyone knew what it’s about. However, after a while, you find yourself doing masturbation more often than you realize. Until it becomes second nature. The muscle memory and the false pleasure of having sex with someone that isn’t there became more than just “playing with yourself.”
It turned from pleasure habit into a bondage that is no different than nicotine, cocaine, or alcohol dependency.
It’s addictive. Voyeurism, exhibitionism, and other obsessive forms of sexual immorality is not that far off. That’s because with self sexual foreplay, people that are not in control will engage anywhere.
The false pros of masturbation is no relationship with another person. No STDs. No pregnancies.
You schedule your day around it.
In 1 John 2:15-17, John, the beloved apostle of the Lamb said, “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life is not of Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away and the lust thereof, but he that does the will of the Father abides forever.”
Lust is the law in the flesh of fallen man (male and female).
The law of lust is what’s behind masturbation.
The law of sin and death (see Romans 8:1-2) demands that lust be fulfilled, but we all know that lust is never fulfilled. It remains dissatisfied forever. Anything that is not ordained by the Lord is of the devil. The devil’s desires will always remain insatiable. Hence, the fallen state of man, these desires, unless put to death, will remain insatiable.
The corruption of flesh demands satisfaction.
The flesh demands to recharge to re-satisfy itself.
In the normal concept of sex, the reset to do it all over again is to be tempered or self controlled.
Lust is never controlled. It must be put to death.
In the last 6 years, masturbation was the most difficult thing to break. After 33 years from 1975 to 2008, a week wouldn’t go by unless I engaged in masturbation. At first, it seemed normal and innocent. Afterwards, I was hooked and developed a list of reasons to keep doing what I wanted to do. Even after marriage, I found myself engaging.
Lust after women “enhanced” this pursuit of sexual satisfaction. But satisfaction was never achieved. Even with introducing pornography in 1998, the satisfaction was never achieved.
Little did I realized that not only was I breaking God’s command about the sanctity of marriage according to Genesis 2:24, far worse, I idolized my desire to have self or solo sex.
It became my god.
The Lord God said to Moses in Exodus 20:3-6,
“You shall have no other gods before Me. “You shall not make for yourself a carved image —any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them.
For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.”
To put it as bluntly as allowed, getting off was worshipped.
At this altar of sexual immorality, I paid homage to the god of lust. The second god or idol was my sexual organ. What kept me worshipping at this altar was the dopamine. The drug of fulfillment and satisfaction.
This infatuation of getting this drug in my blood stream had me coming back for more and more every time.
All it took to get me started was touching myself sexually. Or a combination of things. Lusting after the flesh. The sexual objectification of a woman’s anatomy. At the end of the day, there’s no question what was going to happen. From 2008 to 2011, the grace of God enabled me to completely abstain from masturbation.
It was a great 3.5 years of learning how to control myself.
Dr. Mark Lasser really taught the lesson on self control. He asked the greatest question I’ve ever heard.
Can you do without sex with your wife and masturbation?
The answer is yes.
Hence, the definition of addiction recovery.
“To control, manage, or stop using a particular substance, thing, or activity.”
There are many advocates that encourage masturbation as a healthy sexual practice. This would fall under the category of “control or manage.”
However, if it is being worshipped, it must stop because God has no rivals. If God is enthroned on your heart, there can be no other gods.
In reading many books that reason with making seemingly viable excuses to continue masturbation, many men will accept these arguments and stand their ground when they are challenged.
Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.”
James 1:14-15 says, “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full- grown, brings forth death.”
So the end is always death. What kind of death? Death in your relationship with the Lord. Broken fellowship with God.
It seems right to justify sin but it always end in death. You are tempted, you fall into temptation, you yield to temptation. The desire has conceived (egg – sperm unites). Sin is birthed. Death is the result.
In Matthew 26:41, Jesus said, “Watch and pray, lest you fall into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak.”
Even with watching and praying, lust was lurking within me that I feared greatly.
The urge to touch myself sexually got stronger and stronger.
Mind you, I was praying. I had an accountability partner. I was teaching the men how to overcome.
Then the moment of truth came. After a setback at an event, discouragement zapped me so bad that I fell into the trap of touching myself sexually.
From 2011 to early spring of 2014, I found myself back into “playing with myself.”
To even try to deflect how I got back into masturbation or to attempt to minimize the fall is the worst thing in the world you could do. That’s because to falsely justify sexual immorality is a deception not worth going to hell over. Even to count how many times I masturbated to give a minimal number to minimize the blow is folly.
I also found out that you can’t preach effectively to sinners if you are in sin yourself. You are disqualified.
Since returning to the streets to preach, the reason that kept me from preaching in the streets was directly tied to sexual immorality running rampant in my life. There is no anointing in sin. God never anoints what He never appoints. Sin and holiness can never mingle. God’s temple cannot be full of idols. Jesus and satan can never have communion, fellowship, or unity. Darkness cannot co-mingle with light.
Ineffective living always leads to ineffective preaching. If you cannot live to obey the commands of Jesus, you can’t win a soul to Jesus. The crucified life demands denying yourself, taking up your cross, and following the Lord. Many desire to follow the Lord, but they never deny themselves (see Mark 8:34).
You deliberately cheat or defraud yourself from achieving a false pleasure to gain the highest pleasure.
You can’t talk about taking up your cross unless you deny yourself.
In other words, you stop playing with yourself.
Most ministers are ineffective because of the refusal to deny themselves.
Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9:27, “But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.”
Jesus said this in Matthew 5:28-30, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.”
This is not a stretch of revelation but you and I both know that the Lord covered masturbation because it takes an eye to lust and the hand to play. There is no question about it and to fool ourselves into thinking that the Lord wasn’t talking about self sex is foolishness and deliberate deception.
As Mike Cleveland of Setting Captives Free said, this is “radical amputation.”
If you refuse to cut off anything that is leading you to masturbate, notice what Jesus said….
“…for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.”
Will a person go to hell over masturbation?
Are you willing to let masturbation rule you like a god? And are you willing to risk it?
Remember what Revelation 21:8 says.
Remember also Hebrews 12:4.
“You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.”
And NO. I am not telling you that you need to butcher yourself to stop sinning.
What is it that you are willing to do to stop sinning?
How far will you go?
Are you willing to pull out the TV?
Are you willing to give up your mobile device you use to spy out flesh to masturbate off of?
Are you willing to give up your passcode to your computer to an accountability partner and or your wife?
Are you willing to get off of FB or all social media?
Are you willing to walk across the street when a hot looking woman is within your periphery?
Are you willing to look in another direction when she is trying to get your attention at the magazine stand?
Are you willing to change channels if you keep your TV?
Are you willing to get up out of bed, pray and seek God when you are sexually aroused at night?
Are you willing to call your accountability partner to get prayer in your hour of temptation?
Are you willing to pick up the phone when your accountability partner calls on you to check up on you?
Are you willing to stop being evasive when asked the tough questions?
So let’s sum this up.
1. Lust must be destroyed. In fact, lust was destroyed on the cross of Christ according to 1 John 3:8.
But is lust destroyed in you? Colossians 3:5 is the answer.
2. God has no rivals. Exodus 20-3-6.
3. Excuses seems right but frivolous justification always lead to death. Proverbs 14:12, James 1:14-15.
4. Watch and pray. Matthew 26:41.
5. Discipline yourself. 1 Corinthians 9:27.
There are many males and females in the Body of Christ that cannot do without solo sex called masturbation.
Paul said in 1 Corinthians 6:12 “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”
The reasons range from, “There is nothing in the Bible that says that I can’t masturbate,” “I’m on a long distance trip away from my wife, I got to “get off” before I go crazy.” to “My spouse is sick and I need to let off a little sexual tension.” “To keep myself from fornicating, committing adultery, or get a girl pregnant, or get an STD, I masturbate.”
While it is true that there is no specific verse of Scripture that says that we can’t masturbate, equally, there is no Scripture that says that you are permitted to engage.
A lot of people have accused proponents of no masturbation that we engage in extra Biblical standards. I call it “elasticity of the Scriptures.”
Meaning that we’ve stretched or added to the Bible to prohibit the practice of masturbation.
I’ve been accused of this as well as other men and women of God that broke free from masturbation.
The grace of God operates in us as we obey the Word of God to abstain from every appearance of evil.
Just as people will read what I’ve just said, they will say, where in the Bible does it say that masturbation is evil?
No where in the Bible does it say that masturbation is evil.
But we know that selfishness is evil. And masturbation is not about selflessness but it’s about selfishness.
If you cannot control yourself, then you are selfish. Right?
This question requires a Yes or NO.
Is masturbation about selflessness or selfishness?
Yes or No?
Then why did I say that it is evil?
Aren’t you “stretching” the Scriptures?
Genesis 2:24 says these words….“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
When it comes to solo sex, you are having sex with yourself. God created Eve for Adam. There is no where in the Bible where we see that Adam masturbated. If that were true, that Adam masturbated, then Eve, or the body of a woman wouldn’t be necessary.
Also, look at what the Lord said in Genesis 2:18.
“And the Lord God said, “ It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
Solo sex is a sex act alone. You are fantasizing sex alone or by yourself. So because God said it is not good that man should be alone, it doesn’t take calculus to figure it out.
Masturbation would be necessary if God never intended to make Eve for Adam.
Since God made Eve for Adam, masturbation is not necessary.
Let me point something out.
Many masturbators will argue that there is nothing wrong with occasional masturbation, or experimental masturbation. Usually proponents of masturbation will defend rigorously the solo sex act.
Masturbators will create reasons to defend masturbation but the ultimate undeniable reason is……
Lust in the heart.
In reading several books on this subject, there are many men that use porn to increase the arousal to perform solo sex. As one man of God put it, “You do not need porn to masturbate, I got porn all in my head.” All you need are fantasy or thoughts, and urges and impulses to get you going. In one book called “Every Young Man’s Battle,” a young man said “I find it very difficult to masturbate without thinking lustfully.”
Then again, you may not have to have a beautiful woman in your mind to masturbate.
You could lust after you.
You could have an infatuation of your own genitals and the way you bring yourself to orgasm and or ejaculation.
Pastor Roger Jamison, pastor of Sword Of The Spirit Tabernacle in Brooklyn, NY shared that masturbation is the stepping stone or “door to the beginning stages of homosexuality.”
As a man, you are doing you.
I know that MSM is a man having sex with another man but what is masturbation?
You having sex with you.
Therefore, masturbation is a selfish, obsessive fetish of your genitals.
Paul said in 2 Timothy 3:1, “…For men will be lovers of themselves.”
The word “themselves” means “fond of self.”
The Amplified says “self centered.”
That’s exactly what masturbation is.
Besides, it’s all about you “getting off.”
So if the Lord made a woman that you are to marry to have sex with, is there any justification for masturbation?
Listen to what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:9 (AMP).
“But if they have not self-control (restraint of their passions), they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame [with passion and tortured continually with ungratified desire.]”
If masturbation were permitted, why didn’t Paul say, “But if they have not self control, they should masturbate. For it is better to masturbate than to be aflame…”
So the remedy of masturbation is to get married.
Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:2 “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.”
Sex is designed by God to be shared, not for selfish solo sex.
There will be disagreement, and that is unavoidable, but the disagreers have yet to provide one Scripture to justify their position to justify masturbation.
I, and many others have given Scripture to remedy the need for masturbation. Yet, we have yet to see proponents of masturbation to present Scriptural justification to masturbate.
For instance, we expect to see from the proponents of masturbation the following…..Masturbation is justified because the Bible said……
But we know that we won’t see that.
Instead, we get…..“The Bible said nothing about not masturbating.”
Just because the Bible is silent it isn’t permission.
If something like sex was designed by God, then it will follow the Manufacturer’s Manual for use.
Jesus mentioned two things. Eye and hand.
Matthew 5:29-30 “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.”
How many brothers and sisters in Christ will testify that they use their hands (female use of sex toys) to masturbate and they use their eyes to search for a sexual object to meditate on sexually?
Here, the Scriptures gives us the blueprint for sexual activity within the confines of the “one flesh” principle according to Genesis 2:24 and 1 Corinthians 7:9.
You can’t be one flesh by yourself. You need an opposite partner to become one flesh. Otherwise, you are in violation of what God originally intended in sex.
Again, if masturbation were justified by God, there would be no need for Eve.
Pretend sex would negate the necessity of a woman.
Therefore, when it comes to masturbation, “you are brought under its power.”
When you are brought under its power, it means that it has control over you. The way that the flesh is designed, according to Dr. William Struthers in his book “Wired For Intimacy,” a man is “wired” for sex. He also said that “porn hijacks the brain.”
When you are brought under its power, at any moment, you can think about sex and the body of a man is engaged until sexual release takes place. A man that is under control will never give themselves over to his or her sexual urges and impulses. One of the fruit of the Spirit is “temperance” or “Self control.”
If you cannot stop, you are not under control.
In fact, even when you occasionally masturbate, you are not under control. Your lusts or animal impulses is managing the urges and impulses.
Complete control demands that you do not give yourself over to your urges and impulses.
The discussion of masturbation is still a taboo subject among men. One person in my secular employment said out of his mouth, “man does it all the time, it’s no secret.”
And he is right, Yet, to discuss it in the open is still a secret.
It is embarrassing. The conscience is still offended. Why is the conscience offended? It is a clear indication that you are doing something that the body is not designed to do as far as a solo act is concerned. Nonetheless, a man will engage in masturbation because he can’t control his urges and impulses the way Jesus did when He walked the earth. That’s why He gave us woman. We select a female to marry and we could have all the sex we want.
However, we have come to see that even while married, a married man is out of control. Having sex with his wife, still seems like it isn’t enough.
Proverbs 27:20 gives us the answer.
“Hell and destruction are never full, so the eyes of a man are never satisfied.”
The sexual process always begins with what’s in the heart of a man. Then he goes into search mode with his eyes. His body then makes provision to fulfill that lust in the heart, and sin, when it is finished, brings for death (see James 1:14-15). If you ever wonder why you have that “condemned” feeling after you’ve masturbated, it’s because you sinned against your body.
Look at what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 6:18. “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.”
I trust that after reading this that you would seriously consider that God is looking to help you overcome solo sex.
If you are single or married, and you are struggling to stop masturbating, there is some help on this blog page. Sexual Addiction Recovery.
Usually when you are participating in the practice of Secret Sexual Sins and you fight to preserve something that you know is wrong, it is a clear indication that you are convicted. Otherwise, you wouldn’t argue to fight for it.
If you feel condemned and you want to argue about continuing to masturbate, I understand your position. Having been involved in masturbation for 33 years with relapse after breaking free and for 10 years of these 33 years involved with pornography, I too, argued until I came clean and asked the Lord to help me overcome masturbation.
There is help. You just got to be bold enough to break free and break loose from the arguments to continue to masturbate.
1 Corinthians 6:12-13 from the Amplified Bible says “Everything is permissible (allowable and lawful) for me; but not all things are helpful (good for me to do, expedient and profitable when considered with other things). Everything is lawful for me, but I will not become the slave of anything or be brought under its power.
Food [is intended] for the stomach and the stomach for food, but God will finally end [the functions of] both and bring them to nothing. The body is not intended for sexual immorality, but [is intended] for the Lord, and the Lord [is intended] for the body [to save, sanctify, and raise it again.]”
When it comes to chronic or excessive masturbation, in Dr. Patrick Carnes book on “In the Shadows of The Net,” “compulsive is a sign of addiction.” Compulsive is defined as “an almost irresistible urge.”
Paul explains with sarcastic terms that “all things are lawful or permissible,” or that “all things is allowable.”
When it comes to sexual urges, according to Dr. William Struthers in his book on “Wired For Intimacy,” a man is hot “wired for sex.” Dr. Struthers also says that “Porn hijacks the brain.”
The moment he thinks about it, he is sexually aroused. The moment something sexual enters his periphery, he is aroused. This puts that sexually aroused man in a state that he loses self control and acts out sexually in solo sex. Because that person he observed with lust has become a sexual object, the mind engages to find a way to have that person without touching them or engaging in the normal legal or Biblical process of developing a relationship towards marriage so that sex is legal.
Instead, he violates Matthew 5:27-30. He lusts after her in his heart to have her, but he somehow never goes through the Biblical process and engages his hands to manually stimulate himself to ejaculation.
The false intimacy world is the most difficult world to escape from because for most men, it gives him a false sense of security. In that he doesn’t impregnate the woman. He doesn’t acquire any STDs. And he doesn’t have to run the risk of being denied by her should the woman in the dating process never allow him first base.
First base these days is the bedroom.
With chronic or excessive masturbation, we see that a man must allow himself to be brought under “its power.”
The word “power” is defined as “authority.”
So even though a person will declare that masturbation is permissible on the grounds of no Biblical prohibition, you still have to give your body over to masturbation. You give masturbation permission. You turn over control to be enslaved by masturbation. You come under its authority to be mastered by masturbation. Paul said, “I will not be brought under its power.”
In other words, Paul exercises dominion over his body not to be a slave to sin.
“For sin shall not have dominion over you for you are not under the law but under grace.”
Grace doesn’t excuse you to commit sin. Grace instructs you to fight against sin to remain free of it.
After masturbation, it’s too late to put up a fight.
Many of you have gotten to the point where you just couldn’t control yourself and you “make provision to fulfill the lusts of the flesh and mind.” Then you say to yourself that you are going to stop but who is fooling who? Usually this is remorse speaking and not repentance.
The mind begins to reason with itself that masturbation is not a sin. Although there is no Scripture in the Bible that emphatically declare that masturbation is a sin, there is one hurdle that men is never able to clear. In fact, you probably read articles about masturbation and how many men justify it as a healthy normal practice to release sexual tension. The question is asked by the Holy Spirit “Then why do you feel condemned?”
Romans 8:1-2 says “There is therefore now no condemnation to those that are in Christ Jesus that walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.”
The condemnation is a hurdle that is too high to clear.
Notice what John said in 1 John 3:20-22, “For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.”
Do you have confidence toward God after you masturbate? If you do have confidence after you’ve sinned, then 1 John 1:5-10 applies.
Genesis 4:6-7 says “So the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”
God required a lamb and Cain brought fruit. God accepted Abel’s offering and rejected Cain’s. Cain had that “condemned” feeling when the Lord rejected his offering but notice the progression from anger, to countenance fallen, to not doing well, to sin lying at the door. But also notice that even though sin desires you, you still have the power to rule (have dominion or govern) over it.
It’s like Abel gets married and he pleased God. Cain masturbates and God is not pleased (using it as an analogy, not that it happened). But the Lord teaches Cain how to please God. Cain you are angry, your countenance has fallen, Cain. Cain, you are not doing well. Cain, sin desires to have you but you can rule over masturbation.
The condemnation always happen. What chronic masturbators have mastered is the ability to suppress this condemnation in preparation to continue in sin. As long as we suppress this condemnation, we seek to continue in sin.
Sometimes, hopelessness sets in and something has to die.
When Cain was too upset to deal with it God’s way, he deceived himself into thinking that he could kill Abel. Cain held Abel responsible for his rejection.
This is what sexual immorality sometimes does from time to time. Men look to blame others for their own personal sins but there is a way to get out of that. Accept responsibility and rule over it.
You can’t do it alone.
You need help.
Solo sex is always about the individual and will exclude everybody. So in the same manner, most men believe that they could fix the issue themselves. More often than not, you are going to lose because the underlying issues that men hide require a set of impartial eyes and truthfully blatant objectivity.
There is no other beginning place except to get with a brother that will help you see your way out of darkness.
James said to “Confess your faults to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.”
When God asked Cain where his brother was, Cain’s answer is the answer for all men caught in the web of masturbation.
“Am I my brother’s keeper?”
When it comes to breaking the power of masturbation, you need someone to keep you honest.
For in the world of Secret Sexual Sins, the secrecy is what keeps us bound all the time.
As long as a man keeps his sexual secrets, he will never be free. The moment he exposes the secret to an individual he could trust or confide in, he can begin the process of dismantling the reason to be a slave to masturbation.