Alas, another pastor that love and possibly, worship sex more than loving God and maintaining the sanctity of his call to the ministry.
Like many of us, we ruin ourselves in secret before we are exposed. In a chapter in my book called Secret Sexual Sins, there is a chapter called, “Come Clean. Or Be Exposed!” This is what the Lord said to me before I repented.
There are many pastors that live secret lives. Let me reiterate a statistic. There are over 300,000 churches in the United States. 50% of pastors struggle with porn. That means 150,000 churches have pastors that are living in Secret Sexual Sins.
I was one of those pastors until December, 2008.
My friend, Pastor DL Foster posted about another pastor falling (courtesy of Charisma.com) because of Secret Sexual Sins.
You can read the article by clicking this link.
A few of us pastors agree. It is now a regular occurrence. It’s been 4 years since the Lord delivered me from porn and self gratification, commonly called masturbation.
Why do I mention this?
Few articles really get to the nitty gritty of a pastor’s Secret Sexual Sins. Many of you are so stunned when you read of a married pastor, with children, committing adultery, but rarely do we discover the fuel of adultery. Rightfully so, Pastor Foster points out that the root cause is the undisciplined pastor’s heart, also known as the fruit of the Spirit, called “self control,” as the root cause of moral failure.
What goes undetected is the Secret Sexual Sins occurring in the life of a pastor. The discovery of adultery is just the exposure of a deeper problem that rarely is discussed.
Porn and masturbation in the life of a pastor.
The other two things that is not noted is the sexual immoral woman that the book of Proverbs speaks of, and the wife, and kids affected by this momentary laps of judgment.
We are to avoid the sexually immoral women like the plague. Now, not every woman is sexually immoral, but there are predator pastors that take advantage of emotionally unstable women in church.
Then again, there are women that strategically, and deliberately intend to use their femininity to secure the love of a pastor. Not to mention that there are Jezebels on assignment to sexually sacrifice their body for church power.
In Dr. Betty Price’s book “A Warning To Ministers, Their Wives, and Their Mistresses,” she warned of the constant battle in the local church of pastors seeking illicit sex from women in and outside the church. In her book, she pointed out that there are many women that intentionally hunt down pastors. Sitting in the front row to intentionally get the pastor’s attention, sexually, in no uncertain terms, is one of the main ploys of sexually immoral women. In one instance, Dr. Betty Price told of a story of a woman that went right into Dr. Fred Price’s office on pretense of receiving pastoral counseling, and straight up solicited him for sex. Because of Dr. Fred Price’s spiritual discipline, being strong in spirit, he resisted her temptations.
That’s why as a rule for me, I never counsel women, and I never counsel women alone. I’d rather lose them to another church and pastor than to risk any appearance of evil. Suit yourselves but I refuse to counsel women alone. Brothers, you are not that strong and you should never fool yourself.
Dr. Betty Price shared that those that successfully engage a weak willed pastor, were mesmerized by the “anointing” on a pastor’s life and Dr. Betty Price indicates that this is the one thing that attracts women to a pastor. After these women have sex with a single or married pastor that one time, that mesmerization departs.
They are no longer infatuated with that anointed man of God.
But as with all women, connection and then to disconnect, unless you are a harlot, is not that easy. Dr. Betty Price counseled several women, caught in the web of sexual sins to leave that preacher. And they do not. Churches are left with a house of harlots with the pastor as the head pimp.
In the book, “Betrayal Of Trust,” the introduction in the book speaks of a Brooklyn, NY pastor in Brooklyn Heights, in the late 1890’s was accused of adultery. The woman lost her husband and it’s been a she said he said kind of issue. After accusations when flying, and a church meeting, the church sided in with the pastor that nothing went on. They swept the issue under the rug. And this is the long standing policy of churches. That when someone is verifiably caught or if there is a hint of sexual immorality, the issue is swept under the rug. The pastor remains in the pulpit and everything is “hunky-dory.”
Getting back to the book, one of the most outstanding observations is that pastors that are caught in the act of adultery are either predators or wanderers.
A predator is one that sexually hunts for one woman after another. No different than a serial rapist. Then the wanderer is one that strays from his wife for a one night stand. But even as a wanderer, solicitation of multiple prostitutes is part of a wanderer until it enters sexual addiction level three where the criminal element heightens the orgasmic experience. That criminal element involves being a serial rapist to child porn, to child homosexuality.
But few look behind the scene and discover a pastor’s secret life of porn and masturbation.
In the above story by Charisma, it may be possible that Pastor Hunter may not have been involved in porn and masturbation. We do not have the facts regarding this. But we know that in most cases, acting out has a starting point. And it usually is porn and masturbation.
The Lord Jesus reveals Secret Sexual Sins when a man looks at a women to lust after her, that he committed adultery with her in his heart (see Matthew 5:27-28).
In Dr. Patrick Carnes’ cycle of addiction, it all begins with “thoughts or fantasies.” Then it goes to ritual. Then it goes to “acting out.” Then it goes to “remorse.”
I mentioned this because the top of sexual addiction begins with thoughts and fantasies. I will point out that not every one is sexually addicted.
Sexual addiction is the inability to control, manage, or stop yourself from sex or masturbation.
When you cannot stop looking at a woman sexually, it is lust and it is adultery. Job 31:1 says, “I have made covenant with my eyes, why would I look on a handmaiden?”
When a man cannot stop looking lustfully at a woman, this is where the core or root problem is (see James 1:14-15). The lack of discipline in this regard is 100% behind pastoral moral failure. It is indicative of a lack of intimacy in prayer with God. The late Dr. Ed Cole, the father of the modern day men’s movement with the Christian Men’s Network, said, “Prayer produces intimacy with God.”
E. M. Bounds said, “A prayerless pulpit begets a prayerless pew.”
Preachers can act out ministerial at the drop of a hat. You can’t fool your way through prayer.
It’s the same with singing for God, or being a music minister for God, or being a church secretary for a pastor.
He is not the first and he certainly won’t be the last. With immorality overrunning the church where the demonic LGBT agenda is being swallowed whole by sinning pastors, helping to cause the church to renounce the righteousness of God, the more pastors fail the standard, the argument from the world holds a form of truth.
We are hypocrites.
Finally, the wife and kids affected by the adulterous pastor. It is clear that betrayal on this level has brought embarrassment and confusion to his family. The wife in the moment loses her self esteem, dignity, and honor. It will take time to ask God for grace to get through the initial and long term affects of her husband’s foolish act of sexual pleasure.
The wife will experience the devil bringing a lot of questions to her mind. The devil with suggest to her that she is not as beautiful as the secretary or porn stars he’s been watching. The devil will suggest to her that her bedroom inadequacy and unavailability for sex was due to her increased workload was the cause. The devil will bring up past arguments that led to a husband’s cold shoulder.
And more things like God is not going to repair the marriage. That God doesn’t love her. And on and on. But this is the moment where whatever is brought to your mind, is to be refuted by the Word of God. She will need to confide in another woman of God, in a safe environment, that will objectively deal with her in a compassionate manner. The road to her healing is long and difficult. At this stage, it is recommended that difficult decisions be put off and just get through the moment of the infidelity with the grace and love of God.
The kids need to be told the truth, depending upon their ages. They must understand that what their daddy did was sin and that it wan’t in God’s plan. That sexual sin is of the devil. If at all possible, they need to be cared for while the process is ongoing. They must experience some semblance of normalcy as possible. Professional Christian help is available and should be sought as reasonably quick as possible.
It’s not the end and God’s grace can get you through the moments. Wives that experience this horrendous act must never place blame on themselves. They must get through the moment and allow God to work with them where they are.
Church. Let’s do a better job in our sanctification. Let’s get closer to God in prayer and obedience to the Word.
This does not have to be common.
What is a secret?
“Something that should remain hidden from others (especially information that is not to be passed on).”
But it also means….“designed to elude detection.”
Men love to keep hidden their sexual preferences until they are with a male or female prostitute, a sexually immoral woman, or by themselves with self sex.
Many of us have things done to us in the past during our youth. Things that will go with people into eternity. The body may be placed in the box, but what was done lives on.
But while we are in this life, we either choose to keep it a secret, or we find someone in the flesh that we can trust to “unload” the burden.
That’s one reason…the burden.
It gets heavier because the pain of holding the weight increases. It pushes a person into a seemingly hopeless state.
The other reason is….to keep the sin going, no one must know. It’s devastating when news is released that reveals what you have been doing. You’ve reached the depths of sin, but when it comes to sin, the staircase continues downward.
Darker and darker into the abyss.
And that’s the dark world of sexual immorality. Watching and participating in the world of porn, self gratification, and other activities. No one should know what I’ve been up to. But God already knew what you did last night.
The power of secrecy keeps your sexual sins and activities, and your real dark personality anonymous. The darker, the better. Especially when you are ready to cross certain lines that you say you never would cross.
The successful concealment of past activities emboldens us all.
If no one knows about what I did, they must never know what I am about to do.
For some, secrecy adds to the adrenaline rush. That excitement of getting off adds to the sexual satisfaction. Anticipation, is making me wait.
And you intend to keep it that way. If no one knows, no one gets hurt. But there comes a point where you will make a mistake. Where you have already left a trail. Every man gets to the intersection of discovery.
The place where what you’ve successfully covered, inevitably, will be exposed.
Luke 12:2 says (NIV and NLT)….“There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.”
“The time is coming when everything will be revealed; all that is secret will be made public.”
There was a Dateline Predator show by Chris Hansen done a few years ago. This show was about predators talking online with a decoy, pretending to be underage, and available for sex. The online predators would talk with them on the Internet, using undeniable explicit language and pictures, and then they would meet at a specified house for sex.
Homosexuals and straight men.
Some of them were married, with children, with great paying jobs. Others were out right criminals. Sexual predators and registered sex offenders. One case involved a person who is about to do time for being a sexual predator and was on his way to jail. But needed to make one more move before heading to prison.
Well, he was caught and arrested….again.
As soon and Chris Hansen introduced himself, he would tell these predators that they were free to go. Then, as soon as they made for the exit, thinking that they would evade and escape, the police would pounce on them.
Some of them cried like babies.
Some of them cried out loud, wondering how they are going to explain this to their wives.
In many of our churches, underneath the robe of pastors, are sexual deviants. One married with five children pastor allegedly did sexting to a 13 year old child. Technology is now the means of sexual predators and that, nasty pastors.
Behind the shout, hand lifting, “anointing,” and power of God, are preachers living secret lives.
The lust in the hearts of preacher is stronger than most could think. For the preacher, it is an advantage because……
“The anointing can dress up a bum.”
He doesn’t have to have Brylecreem or jehri curls to look good because the oratorical skills, his savvy way with words, and personality is enough to sway even the elect to engage in Secret Sexual Sins.
But the power to exercise some form of persuasive and seductive influence, the use of one’s professional position is enough to exploit the vulnerable. The innocent. The gullible.
What is behind all this sin in the pulpit?
The power of the secret.
As with all scandals that pastors experience, it goes much deeper than what took place, as far as the affair is concerned. The affair, excuse me… adultery, is just the revelation of a long list of Secret Sexual Sins committed by a person for months, maybe even years.
The lust that is in the hearts of men. The roaming of the eyes. The touching of one’s self sexually.
The desire to have sex is placed in us by the Lord but what happens is that because of the lie of dissatisfaction, engaging in dark places to let emerge hidden dark desires, compels a man to explore extramarital sex.
Proverbs 27:20 says, “Hell and destruction are never full, so the eyes of a man are never satisfied.”
God designed sex to be enjoyed and experienced by one man and one woman that is married (see Genesis 2:24). Sex outside of marriage only invites judgment and death (see Hebrews 13:4 and James 1:15).
So extramarital sex is just a person that is out of control. For the born again believer, the fruit of the Spirit is self control. When we receive Jesus as Lord, we are now capable of self control. Whether we act on, or employ self control is completely a decision that must be made, before the next move is made.
Behind the secrets of men reveals a person that is not in control. To be in control means that you know how to subdue yourself and discipline yourself (see 1 Corinthians 9:27).
But it also means that exposure and discovery must take place (see John 3:20-21 and Ephesians 5:8-16).
We men are seldom honest about ourselves. We know that sexual sins stuff is going on in our minds and hearts, and flesh, but to tell someone about the reality of what our minds and flesh encounters, to keep that a secret, allows the world of fantasy to reign supreme.
Unchecked and unchallenged, we can look like we are thinking about God and harbor the sexual objectification shape of a woman or man in our minds. We can easily, and simultaneously suppress the conscience and the Holy Spirit’s convicting power to conveniently file that, and many other sexual images (see Galatians 5:16-21).
Now what if you are practicing these things?
Look closely at verse 21.
When you struggle and fail, you are not struggling, you practiced.
You see, there is a vast difference between the struggle and the practice.
When you are struggling, you are fighting not to let it overcome you, and you intend to win before crossing the line. Struggle and fail is not the goal. Struggle and win over the flesh and mind’s urge and impulses is the achievable, actionable goal.
For married men, it is about controlling sexual urges and impulses until it is time, within marriage, to have sex.
As far as masturbation, it is about shutting it down and declaring it as sin.
Masturbation is a selfish act that defies the purpose of sex as designed by God called the “one flesh” principle of Genesis 2:24.
Self sex is unnecessary if you are married.
For single men, it is called “abstinence.”
So to move from abstinence to self control or managing sex, you need to get married to a woman.
On the other hand. There is no “struggle.”
There is just a willful desire to quickly subdue any attempt to resist false, or fantasy sex.
In other words, you’ve consciously made up your mind to sin.
Speaking for me, for 33 years, there was no struggle.
There was an intentional, deliberate act to sin. The mind was made up. Provision to sin was already a done deal (see Romans 13:11-14).
When you are not willing to discuss with another trusted person or persons what is really going on in your heart, mind, and flesh, such refusal only opens the door for sexual trouble.
As always, one thing always leads to another.
The lines we say we would never cross, eventually get crossed. And we inherit the whirlwind.
So what are we to do?
Many men will keep their secrets. Many will refuse to tell a soul.
But some are ready to toss the secret for freedom in Christ.
“If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.”
Wives will wonder why they are no longer sexually attractive to their husbands. Many will go for months without sex. Many will live with the knowledge of a man’s secret, and not say a word. Some (very,very few) will even go and do likewise behind their husband’s back- so few because most women want to maintain their marriages.
So how does a man break his secrets?
He must get the courage before he crosses another line. When a man knows that something is about to go down, it is his inner intuition, conscience, voice of his spirit and human reasoning, that when you are contemplating going to the next level that you begin to get warning signs that something is about to be set off.
Most men mistakenly bypass the stop sign and either hit something or they get hit. Failure to heed the warning brings the consequences to bear on a man where the cost is beyond what’s left in the account of grace.
Then again, the last measure of grace may be hidden in the backseat of a police car.
Or you, perhaps, ran out of grace and ran right into mercy. The prison house.
And for others, neither is available.
“You have set our iniquities before You, our SECRET SINS in the light of Your countenance.” Psalm 90:8-9
Very few pastors and their wives are aware of the immoral woman that comes to church for seductive reasons. Then there is the Jezebel that has a motive behind her seduction. In any case, both come to church every Sunday, waiting for the right moment.
The moment of a pastor’s lust problem.
Sadly, immoral women are agents of the devil on assignment. Wherever there is a church that is moving powerfully in the Lord, the devil sends a “Moabite” woman to destroy a minister, a wife, and a church.
All in one shot.
The mistress is prepared to do what is necessary to get what she wants. Unbeknownst to her, she is an agent of sin. The devil uses the lusts in her heart to pull on the unsuspecting male in the pulpit.
Sometimes, she has a systematic plan to achieve her ultimate objective. Commit to marry men in the church and then divorce them. Then get to the male pastor. Getting to the male pastor is the goal. Sometimes all it takes is a direct hit. At other times, it may require an end around or flanking maneuver to get the job done.
This is usually done when the woman has gifts and talents. She is very outspoken or has strong leadership “skills.”
The immoral woman just wants the connection. Her mode of operation is similar to a Jezebel but not quite. The immoral woman just want a man and his company. It’s all about connection for the immoral woman. The immoral woman will exchange sex for companionship and connection. She has no thirst for power.
The Jezebel level is all about power. She is willing to sacrifice her body to get power in the church. She will work in the church to get close to the pastor to be noticed. She will be faithful for a season. She will prove to be a valuable asset. Indispensable. Dependable. Reliable.
When it appears that she has the confidence of both the pastor and his wife, she will make her move to assassinate the character of the pastor’s wife every chance she gets. She is also jealous of the pastor’s wife and will look at her with contempt.
Her contempt of the pastor’s wife is the fuel of her anger and resentment. She will hide behind the cover of “associate Jezebels” to run interference as she sets in motion to “steal” the husband.
The wife of a pastor must be more diligent in these last days for the immoral woman on assignment to assassinate her, her marriage, her children (if any), and the local church.
She would do well to post faithful women at the gates and be on the lookout herself for the immoral woman that comes to destroy at the first opportunity. Sadly, the male pastor will not see her coming. He is already mesmerized by her charm, perfection, charisma, ‘can do’ attitude, and beauty.
The immoral woman and Jezebel needs help to but she must be discovered.
Usually she has an unmistakable personality. Hidden behind the spirituality is a professional seductress. She knows how to catch a man at the right moment. She may not dress like Beyonce` but she will be close as dress codes allow.
Then again, she will abandon the dress code and be a devil in a red dress.
The wife must be ever vigilant for the one woman that always look for the pastor’s attention. This is when she must be checked. The wife must know where her husband is at all times. The men in the church that are trustworthy must know where the pastor is at all times.
The faithful men and women in the church must put up, not only a prayer barrier but a physical barrier. No mistress is successful where these two methods are deployed and employed regularly, and consistently.
We must also remember that the mistress needs help to, but the kind of help that she need begins at the altar of the Lord. In prayer and the Word of God.
Then she needs to be mentored by seasoned church mothers that know how to read a loose woman, steer her away from the male pastor, and steer her towards God.
If churches do not employ an effective strategy that evolves as the immoral and Jezebel woman becomes sophisticated with her methods, it’s a matter of time before another scandal will stain the church of Jesus Christ.
In my other articles along these lines, by the Spirit of God, I gave you a taste of what pastors do behind closed doors. What is done in secret is what we should be paying attention to. We are taken aback when we find out that a man of God cheated on his wife.
We have concentrated on men falling in sexual sins in the church. However, there is another side to scandals. Everyone that comes to church do not come for the right reason. We all know that somewhere lurking in the pew is a passive predator.
They may appear “sanctified” but “sanctified” for sex.
I will not pull any punches because we all know that it takes two to tango. All it takes is the right set of circumstances and the game is on.
Yes, prostitution and adultery does takes place in the church.
Certain women may or may not dress like one but when they come into the church and attempt to passively hunt for pastors, ministers, bishops, deacons, and other married men, it is no different than immoral women standing on the street corner, waiting for the “John” to show up.
Then again, the immoral woman will dress provocatively to attract attention. You know that they are not supposed to wear plunging neckline dresses but they do. You know they are not supposed to wear tight, high skirt dresses but they do. If you want to get noticed, you will not spare a man’s eyes. You want to make sure they have your attention.
More skin, more sin.
While I was in another country, I was standing outside a local church after service. Out of the corner of my right eye, a young lady in a tight fitting, plunging neckline, flirty blue dress walked up. She walked passed me and right up to this married elder, and they struck up a conversation. It was so provocative, that I had to turn away.
We must also be aware that sometimes a dress is not as sexually provocative as one thinks. We must also concede that in the minds of all men, lust could be lurking.
However, it could be innocent but these days, I take nothing for granted any more.
Sometimes, people have perfect timing.
You don’t know what’s in the hearts and minds of people until they begin to talk or issue subtle or not so subtle signals.
Why is it that we are not taken aback when it is discovered that lust was in his heart and flesh before he hopped in bed with another person? It’s because we all know that if this is revealed, it will wreak havoc with many people.
When the Lord Jesus first came on the scene, he dealt with a man’s lust problem. Everything has a starting point.
POINT ONE: Adultery In The Mind Of A Man
Adultery begins in the heart of man before he even gets in bed (see Matthew 5:27-30).
How does a man commit adultery without touching a woman?
With his eyes.
Proverbs 27:20 says,
“Hell and Destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.”
When a man cannot control his eyes, he will hunt. Once a man has “locked in” on a woman, if he doesn’t “catch” his eyes, he will take her to the bedroom in his imagination.
This is the tale of the tape every day, every moment. Can you pull your eyes back into your sockets to avoid crossing the line into lust? If you can’t, you will go to bed with her in your thoughts.
Matthew 15:19 says,
“For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts (like) murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.”
These evil thoughts are connected to the “Urges and Impulses” in the flesh of man.
James 1:14 says,
“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.”
Are you beginning to see how you get caught up in the world of lust?
What you are searching for (eyes) is a result of what your flesh desires. Then the devil provides direct or indirect stimulation of the thoughts to entice you to cross certain lines to fulfill or satisfy that desire.
When you begin to develop habits of lust, you develop a consistent pattern of what you desire. Preferences are developed. The moment you start thinking about sex, body parts, and the shapes of the body parts, you are about to cross the line into thought adultery. These are the beginning stages of “fulfilling the desires of the flesh and the mind.”
POINT TWO: The Immoral Woman
The other side of the coin is when an immoral woman dresses in a sexually suggestive way.
Femininity operates in a threefold way.
1. The right way is when they are married and she does so to please her husband.
2. Pleasant dressing that strikes a balance when a single or divorced woman is searching for the right man.
3. The wrong way is when she wears sexually provocative clothing to attract the attention of men for only two reasons. Prostitution or adultery.
Even in the church, innocent looking may not necessarily mean it’s sanctified looking. While God knows the hearts and intents of the heart, all of us have to exercise a measure of mental and physical discipline to avoid demonic traps laid by the devil.
When an immoral woman prostitutes herself, she is out to take his money. Proverbs 6:26 says, “For by means of a harlot a man is reduced to a crust of bread…”
When an adulterous woman is hunting, she already has her heart set on one person and her goal is his life.
The rest of Proverbs 6:26 says,
“…And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.”
Some lonely women long for a man that has everything that she is looking for. A married successful family man. They treat the wives of these men with utter contempt. They look at their wives as if they are in competition when there is no competition.
He is married and the competition is over. Sadly, when there is a hint of a strained relationship, it’s like the smell of honey for bears.
The background of adulteress varies from a person that is lonely and cannot hang onto one man, to widows, and to Jezebels. However, the bottom line will always be that all women desire “connection.”
This connection is driven by a desire to be loved, affirmed, and valued.
With the ranks of available “low maintenance” males dwindling, staying sanctified becomes a very tough life for single available women. It is true these days that males are more selective and unfortunately, males still play the field. Females are ready for relationship and family life.
What I also find is that single women are rightfully impatient because they want males to quickly commit. The competition is extremely steep. The fear of someone else catching his eye is a credible phobia that breaks the hearts of many single women.
But what single or divorced women don’t need to do is to stoop low to “animal impulses” to achieve a goal only found in true relationships within the boundaries of holy matrimony. It is true that men are much too slow in commitment but it is not excuse enough to prostitute yourself.
God is still holy and harlotry is not the will of God.
We should not fool ourselves into thinking that people will stop. That’s why sin will always have consequential judgment attached to it. When we cross lines, we must remember that God is not mocked. Whatever we sow, is what we will reap. The sexual discipline of Jesus must be employed. When we are weak, then we are strong. When temptation comes, we must fast and pray, and stay in the Word.
To prostitute ourselves is not what God intended.
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