Preventing Moral Failure In The Pulpit

Moral failure!

It’s code for a pastor that had illicit sex with someone.

So let’s not trip out about the language of moral failure. Whether it’s a church secretary, a Jezebel, or he took advantage of an emotionally unstable woman, it is the most egregious act of a person of professional trust.

The sad thing is that in some churches, these things are covered up, and swept under the unholy carpet of church. To save a minister, his marriage, and his ministry is more important than discovering hidden secrets.

Psalm 90:9 says,

“You have set our iniquities before You, our secret sins in the light of Your countenance.”

Discovery of a pastor’s sins doesn’t occur after moral failure is declared. You have to go into the secret lives of men to find that moral failure occurred a long time before the incident.

It is there that we find his unbridled lusts, evil desires, and expedient life.

Few of us realize that the anointing covers a person’s flaws and failures so well. Preachers that sin sexually count on the fact that they are undetected. This is a work of deception that causes a pastor to be more daring and take further risks to satisfy sexual desires.

On the other side of this are vulnerable women that are not disciplined enough to refuse the sexual advances of her pastor. Some sexually immoral women are opportunists too. Others get caught up in the moment of unbridled lusts themselves. Holy pastors have to be very careful. Now whether sexually immoral women come on assignment or they are emotionally unstable, it is important to point out that men do take advantage.

In the book, Betrayal Of Trust, the sexually motivated male pastor is either a wanderer or a predator. 

Today, there are more predators than wanderers. Even so, there are female predators that hunt passively. Pastors use their professional position to lure women to the bedroom. Power is sometimes irresistible and it’s important to separate the power from the person of power. All pastoral power is delegated. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. When a pastor exercises too much power over a person’s life, there is no question that sex is to be, and will eventually be demanded.

When you give a pastor too much control, or when a pastor is “headstrong,” they will make sexual demands. It’s a matter of time. But thank God for the wisdom of God and the exposing power of God.

Conversations that turn a different way other than the Word of God is bound to be consumed in the mind, entertained in the heart, and acted upon.

Bathsheba was a classic example.

We do not know what would have happened if she would have resisted David’s advances. In all actuality, she could have refused to come to the door. David sent men to fetch her. What if she would have ignored the knock on the door? Or what if she would have somehow sent a message to her husband on the battlefield? She obviously kept her pregnancy hidden. Urriah may have slept on his porch. But what held back Bathsheba from opening the door to explain to her husband what happened? There is not enough evidence to assume that she sexually led David on as she was bathing and we do not know how many times David observed her lustfully in his heart.

Nonetheless, the act of adultery was one worthy of the death of both Bathsheba and David.

Leviticus 20:10 says…..

“The man who commits adultery with another man’s wife, he who commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress, shall surely be put to death.” 

Yes. We didn’t think about that, did we?

Remember, David had five wives. There was no need for him to pursue another woman.

Moral failure/adultery/fornication has its origin in the private, hidden lives of men.

When a man fails to renew his mind, he will fill his mind with his lusts. In addition to his lusts, he will act out these lusts in self gratification, commonly called masturbation, or he will find a warm body.

The power of his thoughts compels him to lose judgment and seek a way to fulfill his fantasy. For the most part, most women know when pastors watch a woman, it’s a fault of the undisciplined pastor’s heart and mind.

Proverbs 6:23-25 says,

“For the commandment is a lamp, and the law a light; reproofs of instruction are the way of life, to keep you from the evil woman, from the flattering tongue of a seductress. Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids.”

Prevention of moral failure begins with what is a pastor doing in his private moments.

If he is watching women, watching porn, and gratifying himself, or having self sex issues, this is where it all begins. The culmination of a moral failure is the act of adultery. When discovery of cheating on his wife or acting out sexually is now a known fact, it’s the tip of the iceberg. It’s the shallow ground. It’s the surface of something much bigger and deeper.

Solomon loved many women. According to 1 Kings 11:3, he had 700 wives and 300 concubines. 1000 women. Talk about sexual obsession. This was Solomon’s own version of porn.

Until you get to the heart of the problem, we will always seek to keep what really goes on, hidden and the problem will resurface many times over.

How to prevent moral failure?

Pastors that lead isolated lives are the most vulnerable. If he doesn’t have friends, he will live in sin. This is called accountability. Measurable accountability.

What is measurable accountability?

Effective accountability allows for the discovery of certain activities that are evident in the life of a person coming out of sexual addiction. Both, the person rendering an account and the person helping a person to be accountable allows a time to bring out of his heart what may be things that start a person down a path of sexual sins.

I believe that accountability must be without coercion, manipulation, and control. I also believe that accountability must be safe for a pastor. Too often, accountability brings fear but under the right conditions, healthy accountability with seasoned wisdom, should quell all fears.

When a pastor or any man is afraid to talk about the hidden parts of his life, he doesn’t want accountability to turn into a witch hunt. Sometimes this witch hunt chases a person away from accountability. Sometimes it’s not an indication that something is going on but chances are, it may very well be.

Pastors with Secret Sexual Sins are very good at concealing their hearts and mind though spiritual talk. Such spiritual talk is surface talk that never permits deeper questioning. Anger, bitterness, resentment, and other negative emotions are also used to prevent further questioning. Disappearing and running from places of accountability is another tactic of avoidance.

On the other hand, when a person is looking for someone, and it is constant, it’s best to leave the situation and not resume until they come out. And when they do, it is not the time to attack them and eat them alive. It is the time to let the person that is being held accountable to confess on his own. Otherwise, you will chase him away. One of the things that has to be done is that we must never let an accountability session turn into an “I got you, sucker” moment.

Moments have to be carefully picked so as not to chase them away. There may be times where nothing has to be said because they know it and you know it. Eventually, it will come out, if any thing. If nothing happened, just keep it moving. Even if the Spirit of God showed you. If they are in denial, it’s just a matter of time before conviction sets in. And even if they do not confess, we are not God. God uses every moment and opportunity to get a person to be right before Him and not before us.

Men that feel that you are fishing for dirt will run from places of accountability. However, there have to be tough questions asked. Especially when there is a avoidance issues. Or when there is questionable issues that are left unresolved.

When it comes to accountability, it should be a place where God and His Word is ministered in love. And the truth is always to be ministered in love. We must love a person enough to tell them the truth whether they want to hear it or not.

The purpose of discovery is to expose hidden trip wires and mechanisms that lead down a path where sin is easily engaged.

Self accountability never works. An isolated person cannot make up the rules of accountability. Therefore, pastors must seek independent verifiable people to help him through the process of accountability in a truthful, honest, manner.

Under the right conditions, moral failure can be prevented. Provided that the right rule and measure is in place.

James says…

“Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”

The thing that must also happen is that after a season of watching them grow, unless they are a basket case, there comes a time where they have to put everything they’ve learned together. In other words, they need to be trusted. If you see that they are still wet behind the ears, they will need your accountability calls. But when they have put it all together, then they have to walk out their salvation.

Like James says, “We all stumble in many things…” but the key is to watch them enough to encourage them, coach them, help them along, and guide them enough. They have to get to the point where they have to walk on their own with little to no supervision. Until then, if they are not ready for the next step, they must willingly yield to accountability.

Most institutions and circles agree to two years of walking free of sexual addictions, same and opposite sex attractions from lust and all before ministering to others.

I agree.

In looking at the man of the tombs, we do not know how long he stayed with Jesus but eventually Jesus had to cut him loose. And this is the part that we must be prepared to do. Cut them loose and let them go. Eventually, they have to walk. Sometimes holding them in a place may be detrimental to their ability to trust the Scriptures for themselves, but sooner or later, it must happen.

Moral failure is preventable. And we must do everything we can to make sure that we keep the devil out of our lives, marriages, and ministries.

Pastoral Sex Scandals; Understanding The Failure To Resist Adulterous Booty Call

On FB (Facebook), by way of the news, a pastor’s wife attacked her husband’s mistress in church during a Sunday communion service. The year isn’t out and another sex scandal is making the news. There is a predictable pattern that follows every situation. Some variations are different but the end is the same.

The destruction of a marriage and the destruction of a viable ministry.

For this church, 40 years of ministry down the tubes.

H. B. London, a noted pastor of pastors, paraphrasing, once said, “The devil will wait for you to destroy your ministry. If you turned the devil down before, he will wait for you.”

Pastor Roger Jamison said to me paraphrasing, “After you’ve overcome the devil in the area of sexual immorality, the devils assigned to you are doing “roadwork” for the next bout. You’ve stopped him the last time. Can you do it again? The champion usually feels that his title is secure but loses his hunger to do solid road work on the level of a contender. The contender is hungry because he wants to win. So the contender is doing more pushup. More sit-ups. More road work. All in an effort to take from you your crown. Are you just as hungry to keep the title?”

Pastor, if you are not prepared to fight for your life to be victorious in battle in the plains of Moab (The Mother of All Battles called sexual immorality), it is just a matter of time before you will succumb to the urges and impulses of the flesh and mind, and destroy it all.

Sadly, this will not be the last sex scandal. Sadly, many pastors and vulnerable women will not take heed to the Word of God. Burning in lust, their desires take them from the pinnacles of power to the dog house of destruction.

Many young preachers and older ones are not looking to destroy what the Lord is doing but somewhere along the line, they lose it for the pleasure.

Booty call becomes the expedient pattern for desperate pastors and their mistresses. As I have said before, the scandal before the scandal is always in play. The affair is only a manifestation of something that happened long ago that wasn’t uncovered.

When 50% of pastors report a problem with porn in their lives, the other secret is masturbation.

No man watches porn and never masturbates or act out sexually.

Until we address this predictable pattern, more scandals will manifest without understanding the root cause of Secret Sexual Sins http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Sexual-Sins-Understanding-Pornography/dp/1432741292.

But because of unbridled lust in the mind and flesh of the pastor, it is just a matter of time before he will destroy everything the Lord built.

In this particular church, after reading their “church history,” they were experiencing meaningful church growth.

Numerical growth.

But when you begin to look at the kind of positive affect you are having, you will think that you are responsible for your own success, and you become vulnerable to pride and arrogance.

While it is not the intention of God, it makes me thank God that we are a small church. In a way, it is like the Lord is saving some of us from the destructive forces that have taken down the mighty in record pace.

Whenever God is moving, it is the devil’s job to stop it. That’s what “adversary” means.

There are predator pastors in the pulpit that is unable to remain disciplined according to Job 31:1, Proverb 27:20, and Matthew 5:28. The other side of the isle is the passive predatory skills of a seductive sexually immoral woman.

Too often, the women are victimized by a predatory pastor that take advantage of emotionally vulnerable women. There is no question about the personality predatory skills of a pastor. Smooth talking pastors will use Scripture to justify his evil desires and gullible women will fall for it every time.

In their flesh and mind, the women will look at a preacher and be obsessed as they look at what was before them. They are mesmerized by his oratory skills. They begin to formulate ways to get close. Pastors do the same. They get mesmerized by a woman and will do everything to get close.

After reading Dr. Betty Price’s book, “A Warning To Ministers, Their Wives, And Mistresses,” http://www.amazon.com/Warning-Ministers-Their-Wives-Destruction/dp/1599797747 I begin to assess why women fall for these smooth talking sinful preachers. But I also took stock of the kinds of immoral women that are in the church. Too often, the women is victimized as the one that was taken advantaged of.

There is no question about this.

The victimization of women is too numeral to ignore.

However, it is equally important to point out that women do not have to go to bed with these evil passioned pastors. It is the fault of the preacher and the woman, unless it is rape.

The mistresses are passive hunters.

IF she willfully gets in bed with a pastor, she is equally culpable.

Then it is more devastating when a child is produced out of adultery.

The end result is always devastating.

God loses a man of God. The wife loses her husband (in most cases). The church loses a pastor. The mistress is labeled a whore and receives the brunt for breaking up a family and a church. If the mistress is carrying his love child, she hides for the rest of her life, never to be seen again except in court for child support. Left alone to raise a “mistake.” The children, if any, are confused about marriage. Some of the pastor’s children are even confused about gender and sexual orientation. Some will not get married for fear of revisiting the same damaging episodes observed at home.

Then again, some will get married and follow the same patterns if they are not caught in time.

We all know that there is a difference between consensual sex and rape.

In Dr. Betty Price’s interview, she pointed out that some of these women are demonic plants. In other words, they are knowingly on assignment to take down a pastor and his church.

I agree.

When God is using a man of God in a powerful way. Souls are being saved. People are experiencing the presence of the Lord. People are being helped to grow in Christ. These activities invite a visitation of lustful spirits.

The pattern is simple.

There is Biblical precedence.

Go to Numbers 25 and you will see that according to the Lord Jesus, in Revelation 2:14, the doctrine of Balaam is clear.

Because Balaam, the double agent prophet was unable to get God to curse Israel, he found a way to defeat Israel before they stepped one foot onto the battlefield.

The mistresses are passive hunters. All they need to do is show up. If they get into visual range of the pastor, they have him. If the pastor doesn’t have discipline, solid Biblical principles that he lives by, and a very satisfying marriage, both in and outside the bedroom, his heart will be taken.

As strong as Brad Pitt looks on the screen, a seductress took him away at his most vulnerable point.

IF she willfully gets in bed with a pastor, she is equally culpable.

THE PATTERN OF PASTORAL SEX SCANDALS

Numbers 19, Purity.

Numbers 20, Leadership Error/Prohibition of Passage/Change Of Leadership.

Numbers 21, Supernatural Utter Defeat of Israel’s Enemy.

Numbers 22-24, The Balaam and Balak Show.

Numbers 25, The Moabite Mistresses.

The pastors follow the same pattern.

The pastors get pure before God. At some point early in their ministry, the pastors do get into trouble with the Lord and become disobedient. The pastors repent and get it right before God. The pastors experience phenomenal moves of the Spirit of God such as church growth, church building projects, and other miraculous events.

Then they lose it when they enter the plains of Moab.

Moab is the acronym for Mother Of All Battles.

Sexual immorality is the Mother of All Battles.

There are two kinds of mistresses that come to church.

1. Demonic plants.

2. Connection Seekers.

Jezebels are not mistresses per se`, because they are in a class by themselves. They sacrifice the sexual use of their bodies to get access to a pastor’s weak heart to exploit her power in the church.

There is only one objective of a Jezebel.

Ruling the church he pastors.

It’s very rare that they succeed. Most churches are too through and leave a compromised pastor for other places. Whatever power these Jezebels thought they would wield is gone before they could set up shop.

1. DEMONIC PLANTS

For the mistress, some are planted by the devil. They are on assignment because they believe that their sexuality is power over a man. They are able to make a man do almost anything. They believe that they are irresistible.

With this irresistibility, they gain access to a male pastor and the rest is history. Eventually, that church is destroyed and the sheep are scattered.

Demonic plants use their sexuality and femininity to get a pastor to misappropriate church funds, take them on lavish trips, sleep in hotels, and spend enormous amounts of money on expensive dinners and gifts, in an evil way, they are manipulating the pastor’s heart.

For a very few that operate as a demonic plant, it is their way of getting back at the way men may have treated them in the past. To exercise this kind of power, serves a purpose. And that is to help her develop self esteem and confidence that she may not have had if she were to pursue a normal relationship.

2. CONNECTION SEEKERS

Then there are the mistresses that are vulnerable. Their emotional state is taken advantaged of where she lays down all rules to fight against any relationships with a married man of God. What matters is that her “needs” are met.

Even at the expense of his wife, some mistresses believe that the pastor they are involved sexually with will eventually divorce their wives, leave his family, and start a family with the mistresses. Sadly, wayward pastors think that it will get better. Only to find out down the road that they were wrong.

Mistresses know that what they are doing is wrong and against the Word of God but they are unable to resist the snake’s charm and are bitten.

For the mistress that only seeks to have connection needs fulfilled, it’s John chapter 4 all over again. They never take into consideration what the wife of the pastor is feeling. Mistresses never take into consideration that their “new” sex mate would eventually cheat on them. Especially after a great series of sex romps. He’s through with her and is looking for new conquests. Or chances are, he’s still watching other women, porn, and gratifying himself.

These conquests of his may even lead to bisexuality.

Galatians 6:7-8 and Hebrews 13:4 has never failed.

NEVER!

The mistresses’ need for connection, sexual release, and to have what married women are allowed to enjoy is determined to enjoy it WITHOUT BEING MARRIED.

The sex is all they want but deep down, they are looking for relationship as well. Men confide in strong women. However, he will run into a vulnerable woman that is strong willed or strong headed, and they are headed towards trouble.

Why does a married pastor want to get out of his marriage?

Sometimes things come to a head at home. They choose not to reconcile a difference or differences. All differences are reconcilable. People choose to act like immature little kids and not mutually compromise and sensibly negotiate for the mutual success of the relationship.

But before they do, the origin of all Secret Sexual Sins is sin. 1 John 2:15-17 is the base or foundation for all Secret Sexual Sins.

It’s the same with mistresses. 1 John 2:15-17 applies across the board. Secondly, the pastor is a married man. He is spoken for. There is no reason to be a home-wrecker but sadly, mistresses feel justified.

Sin will never be justified. Jesus died for our sins so that we would be freed from sin. Not to return to sin again. Otherwise, the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus means nothing.

Other mistresses become the “other woman” because of the vulnerable state of the pastor’s wife. They look for places where the pastor is vulnerable. They watch their wives to see if the wife is too passive to put up a fight. Usually, the wife had had enough of fighting at home with the husband but the pastor’s wife will fight for her marriage.

But when it comes to cheating and the pastor has had sexual intercourse, STDs are in play and the wife must exercise extreme caution because her life is at stake.

When porn and self gratification is a common occurrence with pastors, there is no question that doors are open. He will have already entertained thoughts of crossing the line into prostitutions and affairs. Self sex gets old and the thought of acting out sexually as a level one sex addict gets even more intriguing.

It’s not long before he is ready to move from fantasy to reality.

Then comes the mistress. Not all mistresses are plants. Some of them are looking for love and companionship. The attention from a man of God is too much to pass up. These mistresses know that it is wrong but to pass up having her “needs” met is sometimes too tempting to pass up.

The mistress does consider the fact that he is a married man but that soon dissipates after the smooth talker wins her confidence to sin.

What is the remedy?

All marriages must have a strong bond. It begins with an honest assessment of their own marriage by having people ask them the tough questions about the true state of their marriages. Then they must be willing to work together to fix the weak areas while keeping their strong areas strong.

Pastors must put aside every weight and the sin that does easily beset them. Including putting aside the mistress called “too busy with ministry.”

More families suffer from neglect of the “pastor/husband/father” at home and the wife, and children needlessly suffer for it. In some cases, the wife is vulnerable and will seek attention elsewhere, cross lines, and commit adultery herself. She will seek it on FB or the secret chat rooms that may lead from the chat room to the bedroom in a hotel.

Pastors must have a good relationship with the Lord through prayer, the personal Word of the Lord or a strong obedience to the Word for their own life, and strong accountability partners that hold his feet to the fire in strong confrontational, but measurable accountability in a loving, non condemning manner.

He must have careful principles as well as strong guards (male) around him that will not pull any punches when a moment of vulnerability is observed. He must be quick to implement the safeguards in order for him to keep his job.

Servant of the Most High God.

Wives must never assume that the husband is spiritually strong enough to withstand the immoral woman. It doesn’t take much for a man to be smitten. The wife must also look to protect herself. The smooth talking man could come at any moment and sweep her off her feet. She too, the pastor’s wife, is vulnerable to be a victim.

The story about “The Preacher’s Wife” with Denzel Washington and Whitney Houston, is just as real for pastor’s wives. If the home is not secure, yes, an “angel” will come and almost cross the line. Not that a real angel would cross the line but a smooth talking preacher will be like an angel and the rest may be history.

For more on this, go to www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailing1 for our ground breaking series called Secret Sexual Sins.

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