Tagged: overcoming masturbation

The Hypocrite

One of the greatest leadership messages ever preached by Jesus was Matthew chapter 23. It was perhaps, His last greatest preaching message.

By anyone’s standard, if Jesus were to preach at some of these leadership meetings of today, the whole crowd would be ready to stone Him and crucify Him the same day without a trial.

Today, there are many preachers that walk up to their pulpits and do not think about repentance and receiving forgiveness for their own sins.

They perform their sacerdotal functions on impulse. As “professional pulpiteers, “ we know how to do what we do blindfolded. We know just what to pray to get the right kind of feel before we assume the podium. We preeeeeacccccch with ease.

After it’s all over, we go back to the cave of dead man’s bone, the pastor’s study. We unzip our robes and place them in our garment bags. When we get home we take our suits off to prepare to take it to the cleaners. Our Bibles, well….we put it back on the bookshelf until next week.

As we walk to the cars, under security escort, and drive off, it’s back to business as usual.

We watch women lustfully, fantasize about having sex with them other than our wives, or worse, we have sex with our wives, thinking that it’s the woman we lusted after in our wicked unrepentant minds. Or worse, we make excuses like, “I forgot something at the church, I’ll be back.”

That’s code for…. Rendezvous with sister Suzie Q or mister Sonny Q for adultery, fornication, homosexual, or bisexual sex.

Hot under the collar? Blushing?

This is the heart of the hypocrite.

The man or woman of God that you thought was right before God.

Or this is the man or woman of God and you already know that this is what’s up, and you are ok with it. They are just human.

Or, child molestation and sex with minors. Plenty of these kinds of perverts.

And don’t forget the porn watching, self gratification, commonly called masturbation pastors, preachers, praise and worship singers, dancers, and deacons.

Oh. And don’t forget about the deft defying music minister that floors the people every week but is found in the hotel room with a praise and worship leader or worse, a male praise and worship leader. Or, perhaps, hanging out miles out of town with another homosexual person.

Some of the greatest pulpiteers live like this every week and it’s a wonder that they are ever standing before people. Call it the fumes of His mercy. Many of us think that this is not happening but let’s not fool ourselves. The sexual immorality of our times has crept into the church and we have yet to see massive repentance.

For now, the church is addressing same sex issues with vigor unlike at anytime. However, behind all this is the vast majority of people that still live closet lives. Not just homosexuals.

We are talking about people and leaders in the Body that think that now that the spot light is off of them, they can carry on without detection. It’s strange that all of a sudden, the issues of our day could be used as cover to keep Secret Sexual Sins a secret.

But this is precisely what is happening.

Never judge a book by its cover but we can’t trust the cover any longer.

Week after week, I came to preach and the heart of the hypocrite was bigger than life in me. If I could preach other sermons, pretending to be right, knowing full well I was wrong, then I could continue in my sin of porn and masturbation.

You kind of figure that if you are married, there is no need for this sin, but it is very easy to fool yourself into thinking that you need to do this because you need it.

Without going into too much detail, from 1998 to 2008, porn was a regular thing in my life; no relapse. From 1976 to 2009, habitual masturbation was a regular thing in my life, with a few relapses since then.

There came a point in my life where if I am going to please the Father completely, I need to stop and not be hypocritical about it. The worst kind of preacher is a hypocritical preacher. We have no business handling the Word of God if we cannot live by the Word ourselves.

So, I made a statement that if I go down this path again, that’s it for ministry. I will not step down. I will stop and leave the ministry for good, never to be heard from again. While repentance opens the door for a return, I would never even entertain the thought of returning if sin comes back into my life.

I can’t teach others to stop if I can’t stop.

Therefore, I must do my “due diligence.” Proverbs 4:23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs or flows the issues of life.”

If I can’t keep my heart, then I am in the wrong business. You can’t help people when you refuse help for yourself. That’s why it is important that we measure our lives based on our willingness to keep His commandments, for His commandments are not burdensome.

Leaders are held to a higher standard and if we fail this standard, it is deemed by others as permission to sin. That’s why we must do everything in accordance with His Word. I do not have time to play Internet or FB games. It distracts me from concentrating on the Word of God for me. Sermons is not what I am building. Life building is what I am building.

And yes, I lead a boring life.

Me and God.

Why?

The enemy doesn’t want me to have any success at destroying what almost destroyed me. Therefore, if I come across serious, you better believe that I am deadly serious about what I am doing. The devil would love to have my name back in his trophy case. MY name was removed by the grace of God and it will stay off of that trophy.

You can go ahead and be a hypocrite. No one will stop you. But one thing that you have to look forward to. Accountability before the throne of God.

The power to live a victorious life begins with acknowledging that you need help. You need someone that can show you how to take the Word of God and apply it to your own life. It took me a long time to take the Word and work the Word for me. I have not yet apprehended as Paul said.

I am still learning some things about me and the Lord is showing me what I need to do to make sure that I am right before Him. The focus is on me. God knows how to help His people, and He knows how to help me. So it makes no sense trying to help others if the Word can’t help me.

But to help others, The Hypocrite must have its funeral preached, burial detail standing by, twenty-one guns salutes sounded, firing party firing its volleys, taps played, flag presented. Depart forever. Never to return.

Masturbation: Is It Homosexuality? Part Two

If you do not believe that the Bible is the Word of God, then, you have something more urgent to worry about than masturbation.

There are many who practice sin that believe they are going to get entrance into the kingdom of God. You can’t practice what the Lord detests and assume that you will gain entrance into heaven. Do you honestly believe that you can practice same sex or any sin before the throne of God? Do you think that He would let you into His clean, holy heaven with your perversion?

God is holy. Do you think the unholy is allowed?

Only when the unholy repent and receive Jesus as Lord and Savior, and as a result, practice righteousness (see 1 John 3:1-10).

Then what would be the point of Jesus dying for sin?

Everyone wants to be like a child of God but they want to bring their sins with them.

Not happening!

At the Great White Throne Judgment, there will be no time to argue your point.

You will be judged according to your works and if your name is not found written in the Book of Life, you will be cast into the lake of fire.

However, people are so locked in their position of sin that they cannot see that they are in bondage and will have their lot. A lot of burning for all eternity. Not just for sins but for rejecting the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

You can’t be a minister without the gospel of Jesus Christ.

You can’t have “Rev. or Pastor in front and back of your name and claim to have been called by God, and practice sin. You and your charade is open for all to see as false and fakery.

True hypocrisy knows no shame.

You can’t be a church without the gospel of Jesus Christ.

You can’t have a form of godliness and deny the power of godliness (see 2 Timothy 3:1-5).

You can’t be a believer of Jesus without believing the good news that He died for all your sins, including sexual sins of adultery, fornication (porn), masturbation, homosexuality, lesbianism, bestiality, bisexuality, and all sexual lewd acts.

You can’t say you know Him and live in sin.

The very thing He died for to set you free.

You can’t practice homosexuality, adultery, fornication (porn), masturbation, incest, bisexuality, bestiality and be a child of God.

Light cannot fellowship with darkness.

You cannot be the temple of God and have idols. One side of the earth is dark and the other side of the earth has light.

You cannot have darkness and light on the same side of the earth.

You cannot be in complete light and be in complete darkness at the same time.

You cannot be Jesus and the devil at the same time.

You cannot be a child of God and a child of the devil at the same time.

That’s impossible.

Yet, that’s what LGBT people that claim to be believers want you to believe.

But isn’t it strange that they want certain elements from the light (marriage) to legitimize same sex union?

Isn’t it strange that they want to borrow children to have a family to look legitimate?

How do you have children?

Naturally have children?

You must go back to the original design of sex of the “one flesh” principle of Genesis 2:21-25.

Children brings legitimacy to a marriage.

Children are born from the womb of a woman after natural conception takes place after sex. The one flesh principal of Genesis 2:21-25.

Men do not have a vagina, ovaries, eggs, birth canal, or a womb. The apparent lack of this equipment makes a man incapable of giving birth. That job is left to….the woman.

Women are incapable to inseminate. They do not have a penis and they are ill-equipped to ejaculate sperm.

This job of insemination by natural means is left up to….the man.

Natural conception requires sex (one flesh principle), an egg from the female, and a sperm from the male.

LGBT people, how did you get here? IT WASN’T MOMMY HAVING SEX WITH MOMMY. IT WASN’T DADDY HAVING SEX WITH DADDY, either.

Mommy had sex with daddy and by the one flesh principle of Genesis 2:21-25, you came out of your mother’s womb.

I know, too much wisdom from God to accept.

Without artificial insemination, adoption, or surrogacy, let’s see if male and male can have children. Let’s see if female and female could have children.

How can LGBT bring legitimacy to same sex unions?

They can’t naturally bring legitimacy to a union.

So what is left?

Artificial insemination, adoption, surrogacy.

For husband and wife, not a bad option when they are unable to naturally conceive to have children.

For same sex, it’s a hijacking of the term family in an attempt to legitimize sin.

When you tell them it is dark, they tell you it’s light.

When you tell them that you are in the light, LGBT tells you that you are in darkness.

They want light while they tell you that you are in darkness.

You can’t say that you know Him and live a sinful lifestyle that He died a horrible death for. But He just didn’t die. He was resurrected in power so that man would be free from the power, shame, and guilt of sin.

True freedom is when you walk free from the power of sin, alive unto God, dead to sin (see Romans 6).

In the book of Genesis, the six chapter, the imagination of man became so intense that the people were engrossed in all sorts of perversion, that the Lord destroyed the inhabitants of the earth (humans and animals) with a flood.

When the city of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because of perverseness, some of the surrounding cities were destroyed as well, with the exception of the city Lot chose to enter after the destruction.

Perversion was the reason for the destruction.

In the book of Luke chapter 17, the Lord Jesus gave us a clear sign of the end times. The days of Noah and the days of Lot.

The events of Noah and Lot’s days is equivalent to the days we are experiencing.

Sexual perversion is prevalent in and outside the church.

2 Peter 3:1-9 issues this warning.

“Beloved, I now write to you this second epistle (in both of which I stir up your pure minds by way of reminder), that you may be mindful of the words which were spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of us, the apostles of the Lord and Savior, knowing this first: that scoffers will come in the last days, walking according to their own lusts, and saying, “Where is the promise of His coming? For since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of creation.” For this they willfully forget: that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of water and in the water, by which the world that then existed perished, being flooded with water. But the heavens and the earth which are now preserved by the same word, are reserved for fire until the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men. But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.”

Many of you do not honestly believe that the Lord is going to bring judgment.

When you practice perversion, it is clear that you have taken the position to be an enemy of God.

Truly, you have something to fear and worry about.

If you practice perversion, you will be judged.

If you repent, you will not be judged.

Just note that you’ve been warned.

As you can see in the comments from part one that a cord has been struck.

Many of you are considering what you have been doing as far as masturbation is concerned. In fact, I believe that many of you were at or approaching a level of hopelessness and found something in what was said to give you hope to quit in forever repentance, to be forever free in Jesus.

In other places on many websites, including BTR (BlogTalkRadio, Secret Sexual Sins downloaded from iTunes), and a couple of years ago, on Amazon.com about my book on Secret Sexual Sins, I was ridiculed.

Years ago I read an article about pastors that helped me not to be intimidated and quit. Pastors must have the love of God and a sense of humor. Pastors must know God and the Bible they live and preach from, and pastors must have thick skin of a rhinoceros.

Even the Lord Jesus was accused of having a demon (see John 7:20) because they questioned His authority, and where did His authority came from.

When it comes to ministering the Word of God on the subject of masturbation, if deliverance is firmly in place and you have, by His grace, successfully defeated porn and masturbation, it is clear that as time progress and your deliverance is sticking, you become an authority on deliverance from occasional or chronic masturbation and porn.

In other words, you fully learned to trust in Jesus and His Word, the sufficient grace of God, and the power of the Holy Spirit to keep you from using your members (self hands on penis-clitoris) as instruments of unrighteousness. Thus, authority, time tested, grace of God solidified, is firmly entrenched and irrevocably established.

Ridicule is an attempt to intimidate you to stop. To move you from faith to fear. To defeat the seed of the Word of God in you. To lower your esteem in God. To get you to surrender and return to the place of darkness. To chase you from God’s stronghold back to the house of bondage; from Jerusalem back to Egypt.

These intimidating elements will be relentless because when truth hits the hearts of men and women bound in sexual immorality, Acts 19 is the result. Paul’s message of the gospel of Jesus turned an entire city around from demon worship associated with the sex trade to Jesus. Diana of the Ephesians had connections to Ashtoreth idols of sexual immorality and sensuality, and they were delivered. Before the deliverance at Ephesus took place, a major city riot ensued.

The riot was an attempt by the devil to intimidate Paul and the early believers from sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ in a sexual immorality filled city. Ephesus is a sea side port of commerce and there is no doubt that prostitution was part of the business because of its connection to idolatry and sorcery.

Usually, when you throw a rock in a pack of dogs, the one that gets hit is the one that hollers. When truth is brought to bear against people intending to live in sin, an attack and ridicule is coming. I must say that you can always tell the difference between dogs and those seeking help and deliverance when you read their comments.

What’s apparent is that reasoning sounds so good when you are in sin and someone brings truth against such reasoning. The indefensible position of sin will always have sugary sound bites of practiced or rehearsed reasoning that defy the Word of God.

And all human reasoning will lack the rightly divided Word of truth.

Sin doesn’t have legs to stand on because sin was crucified in the flesh of Jesus, and there is nothing in the Scriptures that authorizes or sympathize with sin.

When comparing comments, always note what Scripture was used to support a point. That’s the common denominator that either establishes truth and or rebukes the false. Where there is a lack of contextual Scriptural use, points of human reasoning become humanistic/demonically inspired rhetoric, lacking truth, or there will be hidden elements of truth to veil the poison.

Such rhetoric is deceptive reasoning and gives incredible insight as to why a person remains in sexual immorality bondage.

One example is that there is no Scripture that says “Thou shalt not masturbate.” But there is also no Scripture that says, “Thou shalt masturbate.”

We all know that sexual immorality is a sex act imagined and invented by unregenerate man or carnal Christians, done apart from God’s established Word that authorizes sex.

It’s called perversion.

Here’s perversion in it’s rawest forms.

(DISCRETION IS ADVISED)

When a man sticks his penis in the anus (male or female), that’s incompatible. It’s perversion and abominable. When a man or woman sucks a penis, that’s incompatible. It’s perversion and abominable.

When a man uses his hand to pretend that he is inside a vagina, mouth, or anus (male or female), that’s incompatible. It’s perversion and abominable.

When a man sticks his penis in any animal or any other material (sex toys, rubber dolls, etc.), that’s incompatible. It’s perversion and abominable.

When a woman sucks or is penetrated by an animal, that’s incompatible. It’s perversion and abominable.

When a man sticks his penis in his wife’s vagina, that’s compatible. It’s not perversion and it’s not abominable unless it is fornication or adultery (see Hebrews 13:4).

When people are called perverts, the LGBT community calls it hate language. What does the dictionary say as a clear definition of a pervert?

“It is a person whose behavior deviates from what is acceptable especially from sexual behavior.”

Normal sexual behavior is Biblically defined by Almighty God, not sinner/demonically defined. The rights of morality is owned by the Creator (see Isaiah 45:9-10). Your death and judgment cannot and will not ever be in your control. Ever!

So, when truth comes, and a person is either offended or they seek help, and deliverance.

But perverted people, fight against the truth with their own reasoning. To get you to change so that the heat of truth would diminish or be extinguished altogether.

The Bible called them dogs (see Philippians 3:2 and Revelations 22:15).

What do dogs do?

They bark in attempt to intimidate.

Therefore, human reasoning and ridiculing truth is part of the bark of intimidation.

So, would it be safe to ignore the bark? No. Because if you do not address their vain attempt to justify sin, you are leaving a door wide open for them to keep many from seeing the truth. The truth must come out in order for people to have a chance to be free of sin before judgment, called the wrath of God, falls. Silence is what the devil wants. If lying and falsity isn’t challenged with the Word of truth, the lie, to them becomes truth.

There is a difference between attempting to get answers and defending baseless reasoning that lack coherent, backed by harmonious, contextual teaching in the Word of God.

People (dogs) pride themselves in speaking against the truth because when you are trapped in sin, the only reasons for remaining in an opened prison cell is the pleasure of sin and suppression of truth. Jesus opened every man’s prison cell. Sinful man could walk free at any time. Many refuse to walk out to trust the Savior.

So, is this reverse intimation? Calling people dogs? No. God never intimidates. God always promises. And when people are the enemy of God and His Word, He promises one thing. Judgment, unless there is repentance before death because there is no repentance after death.

Judgment is next after death.

The big lying dog, called the devil, brings reasonings to keep you doing what you like to do. Masturbate. He keeps lying to you that if you leave, you will never be satisfied with Jesus. If you walk with Jesus, you can no longer have this kind of pleasure. If you stop masturbating, what will you do to keep yourself from this pleasure of all pleasures?

The goal is not to hit just to be hitting. The goal is not even to bring a debate about masturbation. If you believe that the Bible is the Word of God, then the Word is not going to lead you astray.

The Word will always lead you into truth, when the Word is rightly divided.

The goal is to get you to understand that Jesus is all you need and you do not have to be in bondage to stroking yourself in occasional or chronic masturbation. True healthy sex is between husband and wife. False, unhealthy sex is masturbation, prostitution, homosexuality, lesbianism, bisexuality, and bestiality. It’s all about following God’s true design or the devil’s perverted and distorted concept of fantasy island.

What masturbation is all about is the improper use of the penis.

What masturbation is about is committing a lewd, sinful sex act in violation of God’s original design and intent of the part He created for man. When there is a willful act to abuse (abnormally use) the male or female anatomy for sinful pleasures, there must be a return to healthy, authorized use of the male and female anatomy.

Relapse Into Porn and Self Gratification: How To Prevent It, Part 1

I want to take the time to share my own story of victory and relapse because many of you will be able to identify with it. If you have read or heard my story on BlogTalkRadio about porn and self gratification, commonly called masturbation, you are aware that relapse could happen at any time.

Stephen Arterburn’s book, “Every Man’s Battle” accurately portrays on fact.

This is a battle.

This is a deadly fight for your purity unlike any other. If you are to stand in the victor’s circle, it must be done one moment at a time. Do not wait till the end of the day to tally the score because your flesh and mind is too weak to withstand. The armor of God is spiritual and must be donned until it’s time to go home to be with the Lord.

Briefly, in 2008, the Lord gave my wife and I a tremendous financial victory. The only problem was, I was still involved in porn and masturbation. When we left Brooklyn, the Lord blessed us with a home. My wife and daughter went to New York to spend time with my mother in law and I saw it as another “opportunity” to do my thing.

Dr. Patrick Carnes, a noted authority on sexual addiction points to the sexual addiction cycle that is common among all sex addicts.

1. Thoughts or Fantasies.

2. Rituals.

3. Acting Out.

4. Remorse.

This cycle depicts precisely what I was experiencing every single day and on more than one occasion, a few times a day.

Prior to understanding this cycle, I realized afterwards that I was going through a series of emotions that drove me to run to sexual addiction. These emotions were, what I, by the Holy Spirit termed as “trigger mechanisms” or things that would happen to me that would affect my emotions to start the ball rolling to fulfill a need.

If I was lonely, I would uses images in my mind that I would file. It didn’t matter what the image was or where it came from, I would file them for use later.

If I was angry, mad or upset, I would act out sexually to change my mood. Dr. Archibald Hart, author of “The Sexual Man” said that if you want to change the mood you are in, sex is the game changer.

When I felt rejected, I would run to touch myself to make myself feel good.

When I needed to be loved on my terms without the relational pain associated with being loved, self sex would be the first choice. With having sex with the opposite sex, you want that orgasm to be just right without any relational interference. Sex is meant to be shared to please your spouse as your spouse pleases you.

Now do not get me wrong.

Self sex is sin because sin is always at the root of all sexual immorality. There is no escaping this. Just because you use porn and self gratification as “medicinal properties” it doesn’t mean that you just need sex therapy or sexual counseling like a 12 step program to “fix it.”

On the other hand, if things went well or I felt good, I would “reward” myself for a job well done by acting out sexually with myself.

You must understand that your emotions will fool you every time and coax you to get satisfaction from other places and persons without God. That’s anarchy. Making the rules as you go that excludes the rule of God and His Word.

Back to the story. I went into another room where I set up Directv and paid for my porn. As I was masturbating, the Lord spoke to me and said….“Is this what you do to Me after all the good I’ve done for you?”

This was November, 2008. My time of porn ended on that day but the masturbation continued until December, 2009. I purposely etched that date in my soul because I would never return to self gratification again.

Or so I thought.

I took a 60 day course on the recommendation of my accountability friend, Pastor Roger Jamison. The site is called Setting Captives Free and the course was called “The Way To Purity” by Mike Cleveland.

This course challenged me unlike any other. You had an accountability person assigned and at the end of each lesson, two questions were asked among many.

1. Did you watch porn?

2. Did you masturbate?

To avoid hearing about it, I refrained from both. After each lesson, I proudly answered “No.” And I didn’t relapse during that time.

Lying is against the Word of God so I didn’t want to be judged for porn, masturbation, and lying.

As a side note, you do not need porn to masturbate.

All you need is the files of the un-renewed combative soul. Thousands of images are captured until you dethrone each image. You can create images too. Perverted images for pretend sex. But to be free, each image must be captured, dethroned, and burned by the Word of God, and drowned, and dissolved in the blood of Jesus.

Afterwards, I felt I had this thing licked but I knew in the back of my mind that relapse was a possibility. I tried to ignore it but the eventuality kept presenting itself to me. Little did I know that my flesh and mind was planning a sexual immorality comeback.

You see, there are some things that it’s the devil. More often than not, it’s you.

So, in my strength, I attempted to be very bold about it by establishing a date and making myself stick to the fact that this date would be the date that I would never do it again.

A couple of years passed. The porn was never a relapse problem because I did an extensive study as to why I did what I did.

I took courses from Light University on Healthy Sexuality. I receive numerous insight from many of the professors. I also took courses on Sexual Addiction. One noted teacher, Dr. Mark Laaser, who studied under Dr. Patrick Carnes really asked a point question.

It was the toughest question that I had ever faced.

“Could you do without sex and masturbation?”

If you can’t you are probably addicted. I also learned that just because you watch porn or masturbate, you may or may not be addicted because addiction is the inability to stop or manage sex.

With all this knowledge, I was “puffed up” (see 1 Corinthians 8:1).

If you acknowledge that you are puffed up, at least you could probably do something to deflate it because all puffiness comes from pride and arrogance. Paul had to be deflated and the way that God did it was with the trials and persecution called “The Thorn In The Flesh.” 

When you get an abundance of revelation, you actually feel special, unique, and privileged. Paul evidently may not have listened. He wasn’t supposed to be martyred. He was told by the Holy Spirit not to go to Jerusalem (see Acts 21:4).

Then the relapse. The mind and flesh of man can be very creative to satisfy itself. I will not discuss the various ways to accomplish sexual tension release because I do not want to fill your minds with ways to accomplish self gratification.

I will declare that when your reasoning remains defiant and filled with self accumulated knowledge, it is very easy to reason how you call relapse and not really call it relapse.

Your mind could easily say, “You didn’t really masturbate. You just let off some tension. Don’t call it relapse because it won’t look good in front of the thousands of people you told that you would never do it again.”

There came a point where the masquerade and disguise had to come off.

Hypocrisy is a foolish game that only God is forced to expose. Every form of hypocrisy is a form of pride that satan lost his place over. He thought he could be like God and came up way too short. Just because you think you can kick a field goal, shoot a basketball, or swing a baseball bat, it doesn’t mean that you are in the big leagues.

In pride, I once said, “You are looking at the first black CNO (Chief of Naval Operations).” Mind you, I never was an officer. I was enlisted, E4. I was recommended for OCS by my last CO, but I was not to exceed 4 years enlisted.

Besides the competition for command and flag ranks makes even the smartest officers retire.

Self gratification is the ability to sexually satisfy yourself. That’s the only rule to masturbation.

Do it yourself!

There is no sense in deflecting responsibility and try to avoid what took place. True deliverance is about being honest with yourself before the Lord. Saving face is a mute point and quoting Scripture to show that I have recovered is sometimes a self effort to keep your armor shining when there is obvious soil on it.

It was a combination of not getting into the presence of the Lord, reading the Word at the time of temptation, and telling my accountability partner about my real struggles.

Did I ever relapsed into porn?

No! Never!

What lead to my relapse into self gratification?

Pride and arrogance, disappointments, and frustrations. Not necessarily sexual frustrations because my wife was never the issue or problem. When it came to pride and arrogance, it was about the fact that I thought that I had all this “knowledge.” I thought I would be able to tell brothers how to kick this thing to the curb and ended up on the curb, licking up my own vomit like a dog myself.

I made this thing about me and not about God’s loving grace.

Through this relapse, I learned that it is all the grace of God and all obedience without fluff, fanfare, puffiness, head knowledge, aptitude, arrogance, and stupidity. On the other hand, humility became a more pronounced attitude because you begin to see others struggle and desire to extend grace to them instead of being hard nosed and repulsive.

You cannot show the world how to be delivered from the position of looking down on the many brothers that never come out of dark places. We can never deal with sexual immorality from a judgmental position. Meaning that when you think you have it all together, you now feel competent and qualified to help others while you, yourself still need help.

When you read about other men and women trapped in their false intimacy world and you look at them with disdain, you are probably just as sick as them. Sin sick. That’s why you have to have compassion as Jesus. Without compassion, you will only rise in pride to condemn others just to make yourself feel superior.

Like that Pharisee that broadcast about his self righteous living. The publican wouldn’t ever look to heaven but cried out for mercy and declared that he was a sinner. Now what we have done is that sometimes, we parade our sinner status around and that is another form of pride and arrogance.

Such was the case with me. I took pride in that and that’s not what we are to do.

God is not pleased when we proudly display our dirt.

With living wells of love, we must look at them. With confrontational love and compassion, we extend grace. We look to help and not to hurt. We pity, like God, every groan.

I told my wife about my relapse and she looked at me like I always thought she would. With tender love and forgiveness. She knew my struggles a long time ago and she continues to pray for me every day. Of course, we are still healing because any wife that has experienced the assault of sexual immorality in the home prays that it would never darken our doorstep again.

It’s a clear threat to the stability of the marital relationship in the house.

Each day though she does her best to keep me centered on our relationship. The hurt that I caused her is slowly dissipating but she knows that I have to keep fighting. For the sake of our love for each other, it is my job to come clean and stay clean.

How long ago was the relapse?

July, August, and the first week of September of 2011. More recently, February 2012. No matter how you do it, when you make love with yourself, it is called masturbation. No trivial reasoning. Sin is sin.

What must I do from here on out?

Recognize that this is all about God, His compassion, His love, His grace, obedience to His Word without pride or arrogance. Never let the moment of being on top of the world deceive you into thinking that you finally got this thing licked.

Paul said, “Be careful lest you be tempted…”

Realize that grace works in such a way that a time of testing comes and you must not pass the test for passing the test’s sake. You look to the Lord and He supplies everything that you need to stand true to Him. You learn to hide in Him, in the secret of His tabernacle, in the pavilion of His presence. You learn to take His yoke and learn of Him, for His yoke is easy, and His burden in light.

You never pen things on FB or anywhere, for that matter, to show how you did it.

The destruction comes where pride is and the fall is certain to happen where haughtiness is.

I hope that this has been helpful to you. Please pass this to those that are in this thing called MOAB, the Mother Of All Battles.

Is it possible to win? Is it possible to stay free? Is it possible to defeat porn and masturbation?

The answer is, “With God, all things are possible.”