Matthew 5:27-30 (NKJV Strong’s)
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.
Matthew 6:22-23 (NKJV Strong’s)
“The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!“
James 1:14-15 (NKJV Strong’s)
“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”
Romans 6:12-13 (NKJV Strong’s)
“Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God.”
I want to start off with these Scriptures because it’s there that you will find that if I had exercised discretion, I wouldn’t have to explain this sin in my life.
In my book Secret Sexual Sins, in the intro part, I’ve shared my introduction to pornography. But I won’t get into that.
What I want to get into is the resurgence of porn.
I was already inflamed with sexual immorality with the imaginations of my heart and fulfilling them in self gratification, commonly called masturbation.
When lust controls you, the fruit of the Spirit called “self control” wasn’t matured in me. As a young teenager, everyone experiences puberty and when these sexual aspects become aroused in you, all you need is accelerants and the rest is history.
As a born again believer, with these hormones raging “youthful lusts” were well underway. I was shy and an introvert so approaching girls wasn’t my thing. I was able to bridal this until marriage.
But most boys do explore sexuality.
Fast forward to 1996. While watching Directv, I noticed channels that provided PPV. I vowed never to explore those channels. It worked for a season until 1996.
In 1994, we’ve restarted our work in the ministry. After serving under my pastor, it was time to resume my pursuit of planting a local church. In following my pastor, we would attend ministerial conferences. These conferences fed us information to solidify the ministry.
We would buy books and tapes. I came across a tape for music ministers.
So to help our team to be proficient in our praise and worship in our local church, I had passed a tape to our music minister. Our music minister promptly returned the tape to me. On my job, I had a way to watch videos and I wanted to watch the video again. It was that powerful.
But my music minister called me on my cell phone and warned me not to look at the video.
Instantly, my interest aroused because he never tipped me off to what happened. Evidently, he put the wrong tape in the sleeve. I removed the video and played it.
It was soft porn.
I won’t elaborate the difference between soft and hard core porn.
But it would be there that my Secret Sexual Sins would reemerge and be established.
From 1996 to 2008, I would be a regular visitor on Directv at home.
On the job, when laptops became affordable, I would engage in viewing pornography. So much so that finally it got to the point where it affected my wife and she noticed a significant change in our relationship.
What was I supposed to do?
First, I never should have looked at the tape. Second, I should have given it back to the music minister and ask him what was on it. Third, if he refused to inform me what was on the tape, to let him go (relieve him of his duties).
I didn’t do any of the above. I swept it under the rug.
The music minister never should have been blamed for MY DECISION to watch the tape.
Decisions Determines Destiny.
He can’t be blamed for the lusts that was in my heart. And even if he were in possession of porn, I would not have known if he had put the right tape in the right sleeve. It would have remained a secret.
And perhaps, it may have never been known.
But this is a major problem in the houses of worship that we sweep these things under the rug and God isn’t pleased. We hide what we do in secret and destroy our lives. We play church in the presence of God in hypocrisy.
One of the last major messages of the Lord Jesus before He was crucified was Matthew 23 where He preached on hypocrisy. It was a stinging message to spiritual leadership.
What we do in secret is what we offer before the Lord when we worship Him in service.
It would be one day in November 2008 that when my wife drove to go to the store. We were in a brand new house that the Lord gave us. It was a miracle that the Lord gave us.
As soon as she left, I turned on porn. Right there, the Lord spoke to me and said, “Is this how you treat Me after all the good I’ve done for you?”
It would be then that the Lord called me out.
As I was watching CNN before it became a bad network, there would be a pastor in Texas that was interviewed about his involvement in porn. He confessed his sin on international TV and I was compelled to tell my story.
Instead of the Lord exposing my sin, I put my sin out there during a Sunday morning service.
Without getting into details about who was involved and what was done, I passed out a newsletter to all of the men.
And I gave a copy to my music minister. The one that gave me the tape by accident.
A leader in my church was in the middle of adultery while he was a deacon. Sexual immorality was heavily ingrained in the house of worship.
But it wasn’t just a male thing. Women in other houses of worship were involved in other areas but not on the level of the men.
This area of sexual immorality is connected to abortion and when you start dealing with abortion, you’re addressing the sexual issues of women in how you consent to sex but also consent to the murder of a baby to cover the shame of the sin.
If you take away the man made legal but immoral by God, sin of abortion, you’re hitting the third rail.
Adultery and fornication is the fuel for abortion.
Women will cover their sexual sins just as men do.
When contraceptives aren’t used, whether by force or choice, should a woman choose to go full term, it’s a chance to entrap a man to monetarily support her.
This is all happening in SOME of our houses of worship.
So when we deal with porn, there’s a serious underworld in the houses of worship, that if we fail to address it, we’re a night club, and not the holy house of God that we’re supposed to be.
As if the Lord issued the warning. And then you read stuff like this.
A Facebook post made this story available to me.
This truly is upsetting.
To the family that first had to endure the adultery, we ask the Lord’s grace and mercy to abound abundantly in their time of tragedy. Now this family has to deal with his death by suicide, resulting possibly from this pastor experiencing emotional trauma, shame, remorse, and hopelessness.
And they are looking for answers.
These may not be answers but they offer a glimpse into what might have been going on.
Needful to say that this underscores the dangers of secrecy in a pastor’s life.
Preponderance indicates that porn and masturbation were probably an issue in his life.
I don’t know everything but the Lord does. I mention this because very few people understand the issues as the Lord does. In my own life, I’ve had enough episodes to give some information. Porn and masturbation may have contributed to his adultery. If porn and masturbation wasn’t an issue, then we all know that unbridled lust In the heart of any pastor is always at the root of all sexual immorality, private or public.
I could be wrong about it because, again, I do not know everything.
Only the Lord does.
Then, you might ask, “why bring it up?”
Because this is an ongoing situation that continues to plague the Body of Christ.
This is MOAB, the Mother Of All Battles. Sexual immorality is the Goliath of our times.
What we need to do is understand some things.
We will not come to any conclusions about the matter but there are some things that we can learn from this tragic event.
Secret Sexual Sins is a major problem for 43% of pastors in the United States.
Porn and masturbation is a major stronghold for many pastors and ministers.
Sexual integrity must be maintained in the life of all Christians.
We must guard our hearts behind the pulpits and in the pews.
The devil is unrelenting when it comes to sexual immorality. If we are not watchful, every moment of our lives, we will cross lines that we say we weren’t going to cross. Pastors must not become wanderers or pimp/predators and women must not become harlots in the house of the Lord.
Many of us concentrate so much on the pastor that we seldom mention his wife. No one but her and the many other wives of pastors truly understand the pain of betrayal, rejection, and adultery. The staff member that committed adultery with this pastor is in much turmoil as well.
One thing always lead to another. Perhaps this pastor had safeguards in place to protect him from crossing the line. Perhaps she did too. But one thing always leads to another.
Then why bring it up, you might ask?
Because it happens more often than what we are willing to admit.
In my last blog, “The Dangers Of Sex With A Pastor,” it once again, underscores the many things known and perhaps unknown to us that exist in the church.
In an interview, one former prostitute shared that the reason why these things is happening in the church is that holiness is not preached. I will add that holiness could be preached in the house of the Lord but if they are not living by holiness, it’s a form of godliness lacking God’s power. A preacher could preach about holiness till they are blue in the face. The same preacher will sin with his eyes after the sermon.
We do not know if this pastor preached or prayed for personal holiness in his life. The answer is an answer of preponderance. Probably not. But let’s say that he did preach holiness, would it have been enough for him to act on to keep himself pure before God?
Well, we won’t know the answer to this question.
But what about you pastor or female staff member?
Are you willing to go down this path and disrespect the house of the Lord?
How deep are you in sexual immorality?
Have you cried out to God for help?
Are you willing to expose yourself to get God’s power to save you from a preventable situation?
The hand of the Lord is there every moment to help you get free of porn and masturbation.
The hand of the Lord is there every moment to save you, young lady, from committing adultery with your pastor.
If you are in a situation where you are contemplating having sex with your pastor, reconsider quickly. That one moment of sin is a pandora’s box of eternal destruction. Nothing but destruction and death follows. Before you dishonor your body, fall on your knees and ask God to satisfy your longings, quench your lust, and give you eternal satisfaction like the woman meeting Jesus at Jacob’s well.
If you are a pastor and you are married, look well to your relationship, return to the wife of your youth and resolve your differences, if any. Deal with the lust in your flesh and mind.
On the blog are many sites that will steer you to find the help you need to establish sexual integrity and sobriety.
Committing adultery is the last thing that you need to do right now.
This pastor committed suicide. We don’t know why but it points towards deep remorse. Just like when Judas was emotionally overwhelmed with betraying the Lord, this pastor was overwhelmed because he betrayed his Lord, and his wife.
Too much for him to overcome, he was lied to by that devil that was instrumental in getting him to commit adultery. That devil over his life probably just told him that he was nothing. He would never minister again. He will be a byword. He probably told him that he might as well end it all. That devil probably told him that his wife no longer loved him and that God would never forgive him.
ALL LIES FROM THE FATHER OF LIES!!!!!
No matter how deep and dark our sins are, the Father forgives, cleanses, and restores.
Sexual sin will take you further that you want to go. Sexual sin will keep you longer than you want to stay. Sexual sin will cost you more than what you are willing to pay.
Sadly, the Reverend Seth Oiler will not be the last pastor to commit adultery. He will not be the last to feel the bitterness of remorse and hopelessness, and in a quest to seek relief, never seek God but seek death for relief.
Regrettably, more stories have already happened. This tragedy just made the papers. Others are lost in the news.
But if you are reading this and you feel hopeless, just fall to your knees and ask the Lord for help.
God is gracious and kind. He is holy and never tolerates sin, but when we come to Him in true repentance, He will give grace and mercy to you liberally.
Hebrews 4:14-16 says, “Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
The story of this tragedy could be read here.
Another pastor has emerged as the newest scandal to rock the Body of Christ.
According to Black Christian News Network (BCNN), Pastor Charles Jenkins admitted to an 8 year adulterous affair on Easter Sunday.
On Easter Sunday, he shared his sin before his congregation at Fellowship Missionary Baptist Church in Chicago, Ill, with his wife standing beside him.
In 2009, the Lord said to me that more scandals would occur with each one getting worse than the last.
We will see more, and yes, it will be worse than this one.
Obnoxious, a rather interesting blog and other sources, published a nude picture of this “pastor.”
Deitrick Haddon allegedly did the same. That is, took nude photos and they were posted.
It’s a clear obsession of perversion and righteousness attempting to conjoin themselves.
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 prohibits this vile practice.
I will not post any links to nude photographs of Jenkins here because that’s a line the devil wants everyone to cross, and it’s a clear violation of decency laws.
I will say that the Lord never fails to expose.
Nahum 3:5-6 says “Behold, I am against you, says the Lord of hosts; “I will lift your skirts over your face, I will show the nations your nakedness, and the kingdoms your shame. I will cast abominable filth upon you, make you vile, and make you a spectacle.”
As with all discoveries of these sad incidences, you must always look to porn and masturbation as the root cause of all adulterous relationships.
Unless it is ascertained, there is a very small possibility that I may be wrong, but chances are, the percentages are in my favor that I may be correct.
All you have to do is look into what we do in secret and that’s where the Lord is.
Psalm 90:7, Psalm 139, and Luke 12:2 has never been known to fail.
God knows how to look “To and Fro” at the same time.
God knows how to walk away and stay there at the same time.
What a man does in his secret life is a revelation of what’s lurking as lust in his heart. When it comes to fulfilling the desires of the flesh and the mind, there is no line a man will not cross. When they tell you that they would not cross a line, not only are they lying, they had already made provisions to do so.
The one thing that is holding them back is the perverted courage to carry out sinning against God on the next level.
Because adrenaline and testosterone work hand in hand. It adds to the excitement of sex.
When you refuse to expose the secret places of your heart before God, the secrecy turns into a false sense of security.
It is just a matter of time before it is exposed.
Ephesians 5:8-14 says, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light. Therefore He says:
“Awake, you who sleep,
Arise from the dead,
And Christ will give you light.
Well, when it comes to their marriage, you are already married. Just maintain that excitement of sex in your marriage. With relational issues, it is very difficult to be one in bed when you are separated in mind.
A man will not have sex with his wife when he feels other issues in the marriage are unresolved, ongoing, and heated. A woman will not give her husband sex when she is not connected emotionally, or have unresolved issues, and is not heard by her husband. Both are responsible when both put up walls that prevent intimacy because of resolvable issues.
A man is wired for sex, according to Dr. William Struthers. When a man wants sex, he can turn on his sexuality easier than a woman. A woman can turn on sex too, but sometimes, not all the time, but other times, she could. After cracking her code of emotional connection. So when he is not connected to his wife at home, he will seek connection(s) elsewhere.
This will include porn and masturbation.
But here is the kicker.
He’s with the same mistress for eight years.
The mistress was in a one year marriage prior to the adultery.
Eight years of having sex with another woman, with surprisingly, at this point, no love children.
Are we missing something?
Is it possible that the mistress got pregnant and had an abortion(s)? It’s quite possible but until there is evidence, it is all speculation and rumors.
Many men and women struggle with the relational aspect of marriage. Such may or may not be the case with Jenkins, but when you have been in an adulterous relationship for eight years, this pastor was living in hypocrisy. It gives the appearance that Jenkins living this life of fantasy is precisely and is a clear indication that his marriage is troubled.
But it may be another scenario.
People have had a “good” marriage and extra sex on the side.
Eight years is a long time to hide infidelity and adultery.
For the mistress, she just couldn’t say no to a pastor. Was she a sexually immoral woman, sent on assignment to destroy a man of God and church?
Well, for eight years, it appears that nothing is out of place. There are places of worship where an adulterous relationship with the pastor is known by the congregation and they do not care. The only thing that congregants are concerned about is the Sunday morning performance. This is where when the people in the local church, if they knew about this adulterous situation, and said nothing, they are complicit.
They are co-conspirators to adultery.
If the Lord told them to stay and pray, that’s one thing. If the Lord told them to leave, and they didn’t, it tells me that disobedience is normal. Hence, sin is nothing to them.
One of the things that one must understand is that God gave him, and many other pastors that are currently in adulterous relationships space to repent of Secret Sexual Sins.
Another thing that is important to understand is that if this was going on for eight years, there is little doubt that this was happening in plain sight and people will look the other way to have a little “heaven and hell in earth.”
And if this adultery isn’t enough, a few years ago, CNN did a study regarding men with prostate cancer. The study concluded that men with an aggressive form of prostate cancer committed adultery prior to their diagnosis.
And if this isn’t enough……
The foolishness of taking your picture nude, while brushing your teeth and giving the photo(s) to your mistress makes what Eddie Long did (pictures of himself in spandex) look like child’s play.
That is, if the pictures were legitimate.
People with cameras and computers have been known to concoct lies to slander folk. It’s called false misrepresentation.
Eddie Long’s scandal occurred in 2010. Charles Jenkins’ adultery started in 2006.
Get the picture?
The warning by watching others being exposed should have been enough to put the fear of God in pastors. However, when you’ve developed the four “E’s” of ministry, “Elitism, empowerment, entitlement, expediency,” based out of pride and arrogance, you deceive yourself into thinking that you are invincible.
That nothing will happen to you.
The nude pictures is like “World’s Dumbness Preachers.”
No, there is no reality show named as such, but I wouldn’t doubt it one moment if a reality show comes up where we watch preachers do the dumbest things.
This ranks at the top so far.
If the picture is doctored, fixed, and in anyway a false picture, by all means we will correct this.
But here is the other kicker, they must take that picture down from the internet because it violates decency laws.
It is no different than pornography.
Many of you have heard Charles Jenkins “Awesome.”
Now is the time for him, his wife, and family to lean on the awesome mercy of God.
Here is the story from BCNN.
It is indicated that over 50% of pastors struggle with porn.
It is an epidemic at this point. With easy access by way of the Internet and portable private devices, and other means of connecting to porn, the availability and accessibility to free porn is unlimited.
Walking out in the street and riding in the car, there is no lack of women wearing close to nothing and tight fitting clothing leaves nothing to the imagination. Women get daring at church services as well. These modern dresses above the knees and low cleavage dresses is a walking sexual time bomb. The failure to “cover up” for church service is detrimental to a man.
Truly, feminine power, unfortunately, is exhibited without regard to how it truly affects the hearts of men that desire to live holy.
For the men, Matthew 5:27-30 is quickly jettisoned and forget about the covenant with your eyes.
What is a pastor to do when temptation is around him? How can he escape the daily barrage of sexual temptation?
First, he must come to grips that there is very little that he can do about the way women dress, much less stop them from wearing sexually suggested clothing. We all know that most women desire the attention of men and will dress appropriately to get it. Even if they are married. This is not to say that women are to blame. Sadly, it is a give in.
Second, what is more important is what is going on in the mind of a man. According to Dr. William Struthers in his powerful book called “Wired For Intimacy,” we men have it bad. The responsibility is laid upon us to discipline our minds, guard our thoughts, and train our eyes. Even if it means to disrespect a woman. Not verbal reprimanding them or labeling them as hookers or whores. Just simply look in another direction. Especially you married men. Just look in another direction.
I like Stephen Arteburn’s book “Every Man’s Battle” which articulates what a man does when he is tempted to look. He instructs that a man should “bounce his eyes” else where. That’s real effective, by the way. It gives the mind little chance to “feast” on the flesh.
There are some that agree that there’s some things in his book that makes it very easy to fall into the same habits, patterns, and cycles that you are trying to break free of, but I also believe that a little honesty about what we do is necessary if we are going to be serious about breaking free.
Third, we must come to grips with the fact that grace is never an individual thing. The Lord uses other people to help us walk through the process of deliverance. We cannot see everything that goes on in our lives. The grace of God to break free comes in a variety of ways. From an accountability partner that you feel safe to share your inner secrets, to an association of fellow “valley walkers.”
With pastors, it can be a very lonely job and often, we believe that we can do it on our own. We believe that not only do we have the solutions to help others, we mistakenly believe that we can help ourselves. That means we assume the throne of God.
Well that is just another way to keep the Secret Sexual Sins embedded in our lives going a little longer. Pastors are notorious for making our lives secret and off limits to prying eyes.
We must remember that pornography is not an end in itself. It is the fuel for masturbation, prostitution, adulterous affairs, and homosexuality. No one does porn and never release sexual tension.
We as pastors must come to grips with the fact that Secret Sexual Sins is a hidden life of self deception.
The trigger that drive our out of control sex life must never be pulled. Even if the trigger is pulled, there must be enough of the love of God or love for God in us to never want to be a slave to our own bodies. As Paul said, our bodies were not created for fornication. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit. The moment we recognize that we are the temple where God dwells, should be the moment that we respect the purpose of the temple.
A habitation of God through the Spirit.
Steps To Break Free
1. Get Help.
Almost every starting point begins with either a discovery by your wife, or self admission of a sexual sin. The exposure, discovery, or self admission reveals that God was involved in getting you to admit your sexual sins. The thing that you have to do now is initiate getting the quality help. Sometimes we fall into the sin of denial so that we can stay attached to the porn.
Denial is just a part that remorse plays. True repentance means that you are done with Secret Sexual Sins. Remorse means that you will recover and continue in Secret Sexual Sins.
To get help, you need the help of qualified competent help to steer you and watch your progress along the way.
2. Never Make Up Your Own Rules Of Redemption.
When you make up your rules as to how long you are willing to be questioned, ministered to, and told what to watch and all, is the moment that you’ve made up in your mind that you will continue in sin. If you look at many of the men of God that prematurely cut off the path towards deliverance, they ended their sessions and resumed ministry, it is just a matter of time before they resume old habits, patterns, and cycles.
When you refuse to make up the rules and submit to a regimented discipline, it’s a good starting point.
This means that you are not in control of the amount of time that is needed to break free.
The grace of God must be worked into your life where there is a complete dismantling of trained habits, cycles and patterns for making provision to fulfill the lusts of the flesh, mind, and spirit. Just as it took time to train yourself to fulfill sin, it will take time to train righteousness within you.
This is, perhaps, the most difficult part. Relinquishing control of your hidden life. But it is necessary.
3. It Takes A Willingness To Submit To Scrutiny
Let’s face it. If we could trust ourselves, we wouldn’t need the spot light. Many of our hidden lives escape scrutiny because we became masters of hypocrisy and deception. We knew how to keep a lie going. When it is time to Come Clean, the game come to an abrupt end. Besides, there comes a point where one gets tired of keeping the game going.
4. Your Wife Is Just As Hurt, If Not Worse.
The attention of sexual sins is usually upon the man, but few realize that the wives suffer the brunt of sexual sins because the betrayal entered the home when the decision was made to look lustfully at another woman. The moment we look to get help, we must also look to get meaningful help for the wife to help her through the process of your recovery.
Your wife will play a critical role in your deliverance, but you have to remember that she is a person. The worse thing that you can do is isolate yourself further and make the process of deliverance all about you. This is another form of selfishness after the fact. The goal of the deliverance is to repair the breach by reestablishing your relationship with the Lord and then repair the breach in your relationship with your wife and children, if any.
These are just some helpful steps to get started on the road to completely break free of pornography and masturbation.
Weak willed pastors can hardly resist hot looking women that come to church for one thing. To take a minister and his ministry down. Very few could resist a sex starved woman and find themselves taking advantage of emotionally defenseless single or married women.
A women’s vulnerability attracts a man willing to come to her “rescue.”
It doesn’t matter if he is married. A woman’s “vulnerability,” when presented, will make a strong man vulnerable. Vulnerable in the sense that he is not thinking and he will do everything to “save” her.
Many people do not realize that there are women on demonic assignment to destroy families.
“Now therefore, listen to me, my children; pay attention to the words of my mouth: do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, do not stray into her paths; for she has cast down many wounded, and all who were slain by her were strong men, her house is the way to hell, descending to the chambers of death.”
Solomon knew what he was talking about because he was taken down to hell by 1000 women (see 1 Kings 11:1-13).
Many weakhearted married pastors fell for the smooth talking, sex starved sex pot women. For the demonically inspired women, there is no excuse. For those that cannot control their hormones, you can discipline yourself to stay away from married pastors.
For those on assignment by the devil, there is deliverance but you have to break everything in your mind to follow the Word of God for the rest of your life.
Many women will read this and feel that it is an attack on women.
Quite the contrary.
We all know that men are sight minded. Jesus made this clear in Matthew 5:27-30. When a man looks lustfully at a woman, he commits adultery in his heart.
Then the Lord gives the anecdote that will hurt.
“If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body be cast into hell.”
Was Jesus serious?
This is called “radical amputation.”
This phrase was coined by Mike Cleveland of Setting Captives Free in a course called “Way To Purity.” I am an alumnus of this 60 day accountability course of no porn and masturbation, and by the Spirit of God, Mike was not kidding.
Proverbs 27:20 says,
“Hell and destruction are never full, so the eyes of man are never satisfied.”
What was Jesus implying here?
Hebrews 12:4 says,
“You have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.”
In these Scriptures, the Word is alluding to the fact that if you cannot stop sinning sexually, it’s time to amputate. Now do not go to the hospital to request amputation. Do not go to the kitchen and pull out a knife to start cutting body parts.
Spiritually speaking, what are you willing to do to stop sinning sexually?
Are you willing to cut off the TV, satellite, cable, movies, magazines, sexually explicit video games, beach parties, backyard pool barbecues, walking the street just to run into the eye candy of the day, looking away from the crowd of women on the bus, train, walking the street, walking in church?
WHAT ABOUT SEXUAL IMMORAL LOOKING WOMEN ON FB?
And you know it’s the truth because they (sexual immoral women) are everywhere and that’s the bottom line.
You all know that there are many other places on the Internet and other forms of filing sexual images that we need to cut off.
When a woman comes across your line of sight, are you going to look at her lustfully, or are you going to exercise the discipline necessary not to file the image in your lust compartment to meditate on later at night?
Notice what the Lord said. “right eye…pluck it out…right hand…cut it off…”
When it comes to masturbation, I believe that the Lord knew exactly what men would do with these images as level one sex addicts. We men see feminine images and file them for consumption.
This “consumption” is exactly what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 5:28.
But the meditation of having sex with her in our minds isn’t enough. We move to the bedroom, and pretend to have sex with that image in our minds by way of masturbation.
When the Lord Jesus said to cut off your hand, this is exactly what He was talking about. But not just cutting off the hand to prevent it from masturbating. It includes preventing to have a live body to “act out” sexually with. Either by prostitution or by meeting up with that person we’ve lusted after to perform the pinnacle of level one sex addiction.
Getting back to my point.
Women do come to church to hatch a plan to destroy a man. In my studies on “Healthy Sexuality” it is known that sex addicted women view their sexuality as “power over a man.”
Then there are women that are drug addicts and alcoholics that use their bodies to get what they want. Money for drugs and alcohol, pay for higher education, or for power. The ones that lust for power are called Jezebels.
Then there are women that desire connection and will use men sexually for feminine affirmation and self esteem purposes. They will offer their bodies to satisfy connectivity needs.
These women believe that their femininity is irresistible and a man is vulnerable to a woman’s beauty. So they set the trap and those that are on assignment will either work their way to the pinnacle of their plan or they set out to outright go for their target.
There are women that will marry and then divorce that man. Then marry again to another and then divorce that man until they get to the one they intended all along.
Married pastor’s wife, be on the look out!
Then the blind pastor puts these women in powerful positions in church and then, they make their move to commit adultery with the pastor.
Most men will walk up to them and these women will shake them off because they already have in mind their intended target.
The married pastor.
Women that are married to pastors and preachers, you need to keep your eye out for these women. They are already sent on assignment and they know exactly what to do to take your husband away from you. Their plan is simple and all they are waiting for is for you to not believe that they are after your husband. They want what you have and they will subtly creep in and win your trust just to betray that trust when your husband, as blind as he is, leave you for her.
The sexual immoral woman is what the Preacher in Proverbs is talking about.
There are two levels of sexual immoral women.
LEVEL ONE: The Harlot
“For by means of a harlot a man is reduced to a crust of bread; and an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.”
The Hebrew word for “harlot” is “zanah” and it means “to commit adultery (usually of the female, and less often of simple fornication, rarely of involuntary ravishment).” Involuntary ravishment means a man forcing himself on a woman, also known as rape because ravishment means “the crime of forcing a woman to submit to sexual intercourse against her will.”
She sets up her passive conquest. And the wife of a pastor or minister must pay close attention to who approaches her husband.
Men are blind when beauty comes before them.
I say again.
MEN ARE BLIND WHEN BEAUTY COMES BEFORE THEM.
Unless they are disciplined, they will not think that a woman is playing on the prey. Soon, they are sucked into the jaws of the harlot and one thing leads to another.
Innocent conversations has a way of leading a man to the trapdoor of hell.
Ladies, in my groundbreaking series called “Secret Sexual Sins” on BlogTalkRadio.com, I’ve already discussed the slick preacher that takes advantage of innocent women that truly need spiritual help; only to be beguiled by a predator. So this is not as one sided as you think.
However, it takes two to tango.
LEVEL TWO: The Adulteress
These woman plan on marrying the one they stole. Notice what Proverbs 6:26, the latter portion said.
“And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.”
A woman, single woman wants a married life and when they see what other married women have, they go after it. Sometimes they go after it wrongly. The life of a married man is precious. Especially when you see that he loves his wife. Cares for his wife. Takes care of his responsibilities. Is very low maintenance. These are strengths that provide security for a woman.
But hidden underneath all of this good, sometimes a man has problems and issues that spillover into his marriage.
Sometimes events are events of “perfect timing.”
A man may be having issues and all of a sudden, here comes…trouble.
The other thing that men are not aware of is that when they are down, they look for a pick me up. Women are natural pick me ups because they know how to “nurture.”
Perfect timing of the devil to bring someone that knows how to use her femininity to nurture a man that is having “issues” in the marriage.
While there are a wide variety of issues, we can see how the devil takes advantage and we must guard against them. One of the last sins that was mentioned in the Book of Revelation is “sexual immorality.”
In our sex crazed society, we see that there is an increase in the lures and traps. From handheld devices to live action in church, there is no lack of “opportunities” for the devil to bring temptation. It’s no different than the Book of Numbers, chapters 19 through 25.
The principle is no different. Purity, Victory, Sexual Immorality, Defeat.
In almost every church, the element of harlotry and adultery is there. But what are we going to do to keep it from ruining a powerful ministry?
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 and 7:1 is the answer among other Biblical answers.
Additionally, you must make a concerted effort to look out for these harlots and adulterers.
When they come, do not just look to keep them in check. Some of them may not even know that they are on assignment of the devil. Which means that if they are ready to receive the Word, you must be ready and willing to minister to them.
Depending upon where the former harlot and adulterer are, it may be necessary to defer them to another ministry that is strong in the Lord and the Word.
Wisdom. Pray for wisdom.
Those that refuse and insist on a course to destroy a man, his marriage, and the local church, they must be shown the door. And when they land in another location, if you know where they are, it is best to inform the next pastor of their actions so they could be prepared to handle it appropriately.
God is looking to bring His church into the place of holiness and we must never “give place to the devil.”
Too often, we only hear the pastor’s side of the scandal.
Some pastor’s have lust burning in their hearts. Some pastors engage in porn and self gratification. Some pastors look for sexual connections with parishioners. Some pastors are smitten when a bomb shell comes their way. Some pastors are ready to walk away from their wives in search for connections else where.
There is no question that certain women are smitten by smooth talking, good looking male preachers. Even if they are married. Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter.
Very few hear the woman’s side of the scandal.
1. Fact. Women look for connection.
2. Fact. Women are attracted to men in power and influence.
3. Fact. Women will sacrifice their bodies to achieve fulfillment, value, and self worth.
4. Fact. Women want what married women enjoy- to be loved, appreciated, and cared for by men.
5. Fact. Women use their beauty as a powerful tool of influence over men.
If these facts are to be refuted as non sense, then why does adultery take place in the church among pastors and Christian women?
Attraction is dangerous under the wrong conditions, however, too many are willing to risk it all for a one time sexual encounter with a pastor, married or not. This kind of behavior is unacceptable but it still happens because of a lack of inner discipline.
Sexual attraction is extremely dangerous for anyone that is tempted and cannot control their urges and impulses. Let alone, their eyes and their hidden feelings towards someone in a position of power and influence.
Unbridled lust and evil passions must be subdued, especially in the church.
We see that attraction to your married pastor is dead wrong. He is off limits. And even if he wasn’t married, he is still off limits. If that single pastor is called to be an eunuch, which is very rare, he is off limits (see Matthew 19:11-12).
While it is very difficult to harness your feelings when you are single, it is important for you to remember that if you are saved, your relationship with the Lord must be first and foremost. Your feelings must be subdued with prayer, fasting, and with acting or putting into practice the Word of God. Whatever emotional feelings of affections that you may have towards your pastor, they must be cast down according to 2 Corinthians 10:4-5.
Unfortunately, this is easier said than done because pastors do not make it easy. Especially if there is some kind of connection (daily and close personal interaction) that is one step away from disaster.
The repercussions and stigmatization placed upon a woman bent on crossing the line of being a home and church wrecker is not worth the effort.
Blame is to be imposed on the pastor that fails to exercise discipline or if the pastor is a “people person” with great personality and charisma.
One of the things that I’ve learned over the years is that as a man of God is preaching, the atmosphere is spiritually and emotionally charged. Sadly, it’s more emotionally charged.
Here’s the reason.
We are spirit and soul beings that live in a container. The spirit and soul are both eternal. However, the soul is more analytical, rational, and emotional. The born again spirit loves to worship and praise God. The Spirit of God leads our spirit man into the presence of the Lord and something lasting happens.
The lasting thing that happened is that we have encountered the Lord and something changed within us that brought us closer to the Lord, and deepened our relationship with Him.
And we get a bonus.
Our spirit man is already changed by the new birth except the spirit man receives glimpses of revelation and insight into understand more about God because He is Spirit.
The soul gains revelation and something in the soul changes in terms of how we respond to God. A renewing of the mind takes place that demands that we no longer think a certain way that goes against the Word of God.
The body is disciplined so as not to violate the Word of God once revelation is received. Therefore, revelation, once acted upon in true obedience, brings us into a deeper relationship with God.
The bonus is that the soul gains an understanding and becomes exuberant or extremely joyous. So as the soul experiences some measure of satisfaction and joy, because joy is an emotion, our bodies, as they are presented to the Lord gets in on the exuberance.
What then happens is that if we are not careful, if we let our emotions (male and female) go unchecked, this is where thoughts and human will power are the most vulnerable. That’s why the Word of God is used as a check because when the soul is opened up, if there is no guidance from the Scriptures or obedience to the Scriptures during the time a person is open to the Word of God, there is a tremendous opportunity for a person to be taken advantaged of.
Jesus and Paul gives very powerful insights as to how we are to control our urges and impulses.
In Matthew 26:41, Jesus said, “Watch and pray lest you fall into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak.”
In 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, Paul said, “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but might through God to the pulling down of strongholds, casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”
Paul also said in Romans 12:2 and Ephesians 4:23 to be “transformed by the renewing of your minds” and “be renewed in the spirit of your mind…”
So both the pastor and the women must engage in prayer, constantly engage in a purging of the mind by casting down reasonings that attempt to exalt itself against the knowledge of God, and to constantly renew the mind and the spirit of your minds with the Word of God.
Married and single (eunuch) pastors would do well to employ an array of safeguards to avoid traps set up by the enemy. It’s not a matter of if, it is a matter of when. Just as there are predatory pastors, there are predatory women.
There’s two classes.
1. The Jezebel Woman. Her only goal is to achieve spiritual power and control by sacrificing her body. As long as the man (Ahab) is in power, she rules. Even after having one sexual encounter, for a Jezebel, she is only concerned about one thing, how much power she could wield. Even after the anointing has left off of the pastor, she will find a way to make it seem as if he is still anointed.
2. The Immoral Woman. They are either adulterers or fornicators. Their only goal is connection. They too, will also sacrifice their bodies to achieve connection, sexual satisfaction (orgasm/dopamine), love, acceptance, and worth.
The immoral women will serve as a direct or indirect attack from the devil. Indirect in the sense that they are looking only to fulfill their own needs. Direct attacks are ones that receive direct orders from the devil to go after a specific target. Some of you may not believe it but look at what happened to Peter after he got revelation from the Father in Matthew chapter 16. Also when Judas was about to betray the Lord, satan entered into him in Luke 22:3 and John 13:27.
I cannot easily classify the next issue because this is the more common occurrence in the church.
Emotional Unstable Women.
The predatory pastor is always on the lookout to take advantage of these kinds of women. Unsuspecting emotionally charged women cannot be fully blamed because by nature, they are willing, and their emotions could flip from feeling pain to receiving and falling into sexual temptation.
And pastors knows this. When pastors play the “script” of a caring pastor, predator pastors turn on the charm and before you know it, they are in bed. The emotionally charged woman is swept off her feet and before you know it, they have sinned.
Then there are the rapist pastors that use strong-arm tactics to demand sex and spiritually warn them not to mention it to anyone. Predatory pastors use every tool, including spiritual words similar to the Bible to justify their Secret Sexual Sins.
Before, during, and after service, most people already come with an agenda to accomplish. If they are already filled in their minds about being attracted to a married pastor, then there is nothing that could be done except to pray that the pastor has safeguards in place to prevent sexual immorality.
We also know that women outnumber men in church attendance, so the attraction meter is off the scale.
For single women, it is very challenging.
In a large venue (mega church) it is not as dangerous but it is still potentially dangerous because under the right set of circumstances and happenstance, emotional atmospheres has a way of igniting “sparks” under the “right” conditions.
Again, a pastor’s most vulnerable point is when the service is over. Emotionally drained, mentally and spiritually depleted, he could be caught off guard and that’s how the enemy sets a sex trap. When you are upon the mountain top, the descent from His presence is very treacherous if the proper safeguards are not in place.
When there is an expenditure of the human spirit, there must be replenishment, protection, and wisdom deposited back into the vessel.
Even during service, where women sit and what they wear is part of the process of sexual attraction. Pastors that fail to exercise spiritual discipline in their secret lives are prone to these kinds of attacks from the enemy (satan).
What is done after service is the tale of the tape for many pastors. Where they go, who they see, what they do at home, what they watch on the street and on the TV? All these factors determines how well a pastor replenishes, protects, and apply his or her heart unto wisdom to steer clear of sexual temptation.
As a woman, it is important for you to understand that you need to exercise caution. There is very little that you can do if a pastor is lust minded but you must also be aware that what you do, say, and wear are signals to any man. You cannot get into the mind of a man and make him change his thoughts. It’s not your fault. However, you can have an understanding about how men think.
Femininity is power and women will use it to their advantage.
Seduction is power and women will use it to their advantage.
The church must not be the place where these powers attempt to distract the pastor. On the other hand, sinful pastors are already sinfully minded and he will yield to sexual temptation any way.
So what happens in church under the “right” sinful conditions set by attraction and seduction?
First, a man of God is anointed by the Lord. When he is ministering under a strong anointing, the Holy Spirit can make any unattractive vessel very attractive. He could be a five hundred pound individual, yet, the anointing makes him look good.
It is known that after an immoral encounter, whatever esteem you had for that pastor is gone. However, because a connection took place, and because you want to keep the relationship going, you will suppress the guilt and shame.
Second, after yielding to sexual temptation, you will be saying, “What in the world have I done?”
At the same time, what feelings, good, or whatever were experienced, sometimes it has a way of suppressing the Holy Spirit’s conviction of sin within you. This is where you do not want to be because no sin is justified in the eyes of the Lord and that’s how delusional thinking becomes a stronghold in the mind of a woman that desires to do everything possible to stay with that man based on an unjustified, sinful soul tie.
Listen closely to what Proverbs 30:20 says,
“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, and says, “I have done no wickedness.”
Sex to her is like eating and enjoying the meal, guiltless.
That’s why it is important for a woman that is having these attractions to consider getting counseling. Not from that pastor whom she may be attracted to. And not with his wife. Consider approaching a trusted elderly church mother. Someone with God’s Word and wisdom that can help you understand some things about yourself.
Consider leaving that church and finding another church. Put some distance to regain the real reason why you go to church. Enter into times of prayer, fasting, and meditating on the Word to keep your mind from entertaining thoughts about that pastor you may be attracted to.
Engage in activities that intentionally distract you from thoughts of sexual immorality. Find a group of sanctified women that is involved in Christ centered activities.
From the women’s prospective, it is important for the church to raise up godly women that bring honor and praise to the Lord.
Church, it’s time to be holy even as He is holy.
To hear more about sexual immorality, MOAB in the Church, please listen to our groundbreaking series on Secret Sexual Sins at www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailingword1
The last few weeks, your pastor has been making not so subtle passes at you. He’s married too. But you keep pushing him off. What are you to? The last time you crossed paths with him was in the hallway that led to his study. With his smooth words, you almost fell for his charm. With his persistent persuasiveness, it is not getting easier for you to resist. As a divorcee for 2 years, the pressure to yield to his advances increases every time you see him. She had a problem that she needed counseling about and she had no other recourse but to see him.
The young lady scheduled her appointment through the church secretary. She told the church secretary about the pastor’s sexual advances towards her and requested that she stay. Earlier in the day, the pastor told the secretary that she could leave and pick up the children after the young lady arrived for counseling. Unbeknownst to the pastor, the young lady had a hidden tape recorder.
These days, these gadgets are great for surveillance and hidden recording. She didn’t want to ruin a wife’s marriage and be looked upon as a marriage/church wrecking mistress. She was more sanctified and dignified, and only wanted to please the Lord than herself. Though she was flattered by his attention and charm, she knew that what this pastor was doing was dead wrong.
The pastor concluded the counseling session by coming out from his desk to sit next to her. Like clock work, the charm came. The pastor made a move that she didn’t count on. He put his hand on her where it wasn’t supposed to be. She screamed and begged him not to proceed. Upon hearing her scream, the church secretary opened the door. Just in time.
By the way, the church secretary was also the pastor’s wife.
Not many stories end this way.
Sometimes, it does end in rape. There are many women that yield to these predators and expect nothing to happen. Many of them end up pregnant with their children. Many women that give these pastors what they want sometimes expects these men to walk away from their wives and marry them.
The sexual scandals that happen is a two way street.
In one local church, the pastor, somehow was able to persuade his associate pastor’s wife to the bedroom. And yes, she got pregnant and is seeking child support from this pastor. It is safe (and I could be wrong because stranger things have happened) to say that the associate pastor is no longer an associate pastor there.
What really stinks is the fact that this pastor followed the footsteps of David except that he didn’t kill his associate pastor and the child didn’t die.
Ladies, I know that it is the most difficult thing in the world to do.
Resist the smooth talking preacher.
Especially if he is having difficulty in his own marriage. Like I said, it is a two way street. You cannot give yourself as a sacrifice to a “mand of Gawd” that made up his mind to sin against God, you, his wife (kids), and himself (see 1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Hebrews 13:4 is still in the Bible.
Read Ecclesiastes 8:11-13, too.
In the story, I gave some very basic tips.
James 1:12 says, “Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.”
If you love Him, you will not sin against Him. If you want to be blessed, endure temptation according to 1 Corinthians 10:13. Temptation is only an offer. You can refuse to accept the offer no matter how good it is.
How do you refuse the offer?
James 4:7 says,
“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”
Your resistance comes out of a place of submission to God. You cannot resist if you do not submit to God. You have to fight every temptation from the place of honoring your Lord and the Word of God.
1 Peter 5:8-9a says,
“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith.”
According to Vine’s Expository Dictionary of Biblical Words, “sober” means, “to be free from the influence of intoxicants.”
The sinning pastor is already intoxicated with porn and self sex. This sinning pastor has moved up the ladder of level one sexual addiction and is lusting for further sexual satisfaction. He stalked you out as prey and you are next on his menu.
To be sober requires that you refuse to be intoxicated with the smooth, persuasive words of false preachers. It also requires that you “watch and pray that you fall not into temptation (see Matthew 26:41a). That’s what vigilance requires. That you pay attention to everything around you when you are around smooth talking false preachers.
Remember, women are deceived with words (see Genesis chapter 3.
When you schedule a time for counseling, go the extra mile. Invite another lady to go with you. This may eliminate clergy parishioner privilege unless a form is made and signed by any parties present to keep the subject under confidence. Demand that the door to his office remain open during the session. The pastor can excuse anyone in the area to leave so that confidence is maintained.
There must be a change of policy with pastors.
No male pastor should counsel a female alone, any where in the church. He should exercise due diligence and have qualified, competent staff female pastors available to handle the counseling of other females in the church. Request that you be counseled by a female staff pastor. If the pastor (because of bullheadedness) refuse to assign a female staff pastor, the next line of defense is preferred.
A hidden tape recorder.
Tell His Wife
If the pastor consistently press you for sex, or attempts to use words to suggest sex, it is sexual harassment. You must gain the courage to tell his wife, if he is married. You should also tell the elder ladies in the church that you trust. Women that are not busybodies and gossips. Women that is not a part of the problem of sexual situations in the church. If you are married, tell your husband. If you do not, the devil knows how to set you up and you will regret it.
Let me address “a part of the problem of sexual situations.” There are many women that will “protect” their pastor. The more I see women “protect” their pastor, if that pastor is genuine, there is nothing wrong with it, up to a point. It is when they see something but they do not say something that they are a part of the problem. And it is possible that they have crossed the line with that pastor and they, themselves, were victims of his sinful ways.
While this was not a part of the story, this is one tip that you must strongly consider.
Leave that local church and pastor. It is a matter of time before you will yield if you stay. The devil is only out to “steal, kill, and destroy” your life.
It is not worth it.
There are many women that became mistresses in the church and are marked for destruction by many former church members. While this is wrong (the hunting down of mistresses) we do not need to add drama to the situation. Just leave that local church and warn others.
There are many mistresses that will lie about genuine pastors to discredit them and their ministry.
It’s been done before.
However, if you are a legitimate pastor, if you have the proper safeguards in place, if you keep yourself and your marriage strong, no matter what the devil does, you will win. All liars will have their part in the lake of fire (see Revelation 21:8).
We can stop this madness in the church.
It takes addressing the full spectrum of the subtle traps of sexual immorality if we are to defeat the Goliath (sexual immorality in the church) of our times. Sexual immorality was a major problem in two of seven churches in the book of Revelation. As a result of their failure to deal a death blow to sexual immorality, their candlestick was removed. It was the will of God for those churches to remain in the earth.
However, they no longer exist.
Will the same be said of your local church?