1 Corinthians 7:1-2 (NKJV Strong’s)
“Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.”
In many of our houses of worship, the flames are rising. We all know that single, divorced, and widowed people are flocking to the church. But many of them are burning with sexual passion.
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (NKJV Strong’s)
“But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
But many don’t cross the line of marriage. They settle with having a one night stand. Men engage prostitutes, pornography and self gratification, commonly called masturbation. The same is true with women.
If we try to list some reasons why this is, we will miss some things however, as believers, we must refrain from the traps of the world and maintain our relationship with the Lord.
We must do things His way because the Lord has our best interests in mind.
To “remain” as Paul in being celibate, isn’t the route of most people so men and women have to cross the line and get married.
Sin carries a consequential judgment. The child of God breaks fellowship with God to engage with one moment of pleasure, and it’s not worth it.
David, though he had five wives, still engaged in adultery. In 2nd Samuel chapters 11 and 12, David was supposed to be overseeing the battle but remain in the City of Jerusalem. We all know the story. He committed adultery, fathered a child, David had Uriah killed in battle to cover his sin, and the Lord exposed him.
The child died because to let him live, it would have been seen as the Lord giving an endorsement to David’s depraved actions, and the child would have been heir to the throne of David.
According to Leviticus 20:10 (NKJV Strong’s)
“The man who commits adultery with another man’s wife, he who commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress, shall surely be put to death.”
David and Bathsheba should have been judged, but the Lord in 2nd Samuel 12:13, spared David of death. Many will argue that the Lord violated His own law. No. The Lord shows mercy to whomever He wants to show mercy.
Adultery and fornication is a major problem in the houses of worship.
The easy solution is what Paul recommended.
When you can’t hold out, get married.
One male. One female.
What is a secret?
“Something that should remain hidden from others (especially information that is not to be passed on).”
But it also means….“designed to elude detection.”
Men love to keep hidden their sexual preferences until they are with a male or female prostitute, a sexually immoral woman, or by themselves with self sex.
Many of us have things done to us in the past during our youth. Things that will go with people into eternity. The body may be placed in the box, but what was done lives on.
But while we are in this life, we either choose to keep it a secret, or we find someone in the flesh that we can trust to “unload” the burden.
That’s one reason…the burden.
It gets heavier because the pain of holding the weight increases. It pushes a person into a seemingly hopeless state.
The other reason is….to keep the sin going, no one must know. It’s devastating when news is released that reveals what you have been doing. You’ve reached the depths of sin, but when it comes to sin, the staircase continues downward.
Darker and darker into the abyss.
And that’s the dark world of sexual immorality. Watching and participating in the world of porn, self gratification, and other activities. No one should know what I’ve been up to. But God already knew what you did last night.
The power of secrecy keeps your sexual sins and activities, and your real dark personality anonymous. The darker, the better. Especially when you are ready to cross certain lines that you say you never would cross.
The successful concealment of past activities emboldens us all.
If no one knows about what I did, they must never know what I am about to do.
For some, secrecy adds to the adrenaline rush. That excitement of getting off adds to the sexual satisfaction. Anticipation, is making me wait.
And you intend to keep it that way. If no one knows, no one gets hurt. But there comes a point where you will make a mistake. Where you have already left a trail. Every man gets to the intersection of discovery.
The place where what you’ve successfully covered, inevitably, will be exposed.
Luke 12:2 says (NIV and NLT)….“There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known.”
“The time is coming when everything will be revealed; all that is secret will be made public.”
There was a Dateline Predator show by Chris Hansen done a few years ago. This show was about predators talking online with a decoy, pretending to be underage, and available for sex. The online predators would talk with them on the Internet, using undeniable explicit language and pictures, and then they would meet at a specified house for sex.
Homosexuals and straight men.
Some of them were married, with children, with great paying jobs. Others were out right criminals. Sexual predators and registered sex offenders. One case involved a person who is about to do time for being a sexual predator and was on his way to jail. But needed to make one more move before heading to prison.
Well, he was caught and arrested….again.
As soon and Chris Hansen introduced himself, he would tell these predators that they were free to go. Then, as soon as they made for the exit, thinking that they would evade and escape, the police would pounce on them.
Some of them cried like babies.
Some of them cried out loud, wondering how they are going to explain this to their wives.
In many of our churches, underneath the robe of pastors, are sexual deviants. One married with five children pastor allegedly did sexting to a 13 year old child. Technology is now the means of sexual predators and that, nasty pastors.
Behind the shout, hand lifting, “anointing,” and power of God, are preachers living secret lives.
The lust in the hearts of preacher is stronger than most could think. For the preacher, it is an advantage because……
“The anointing can dress up a bum.”
He doesn’t have to have Brylecreem or jehri curls to look good because the oratorical skills, his savvy way with words, and personality is enough to sway even the elect to engage in Secret Sexual Sins.
But the power to exercise some form of persuasive and seductive influence, the use of one’s professional position is enough to exploit the vulnerable. The innocent. The gullible.
What is behind all this sin in the pulpit?
The power of the secret.
As with all scandals that pastors experience, it goes much deeper than what took place, as far as the affair is concerned. The affair, excuse me… adultery, is just the revelation of a long list of Secret Sexual Sins committed by a person for months, maybe even years.
The lust that is in the hearts of men. The roaming of the eyes. The touching of one’s self sexually.
The desire to have sex is placed in us by the Lord but what happens is that because of the lie of dissatisfaction, engaging in dark places to let emerge hidden dark desires, compels a man to explore extramarital sex.
Proverbs 27:20 says, “Hell and destruction are never full, so the eyes of a man are never satisfied.”
God designed sex to be enjoyed and experienced by one man and one woman that is married (see Genesis 2:24). Sex outside of marriage only invites judgment and death (see Hebrews 13:4 and James 1:15).
So extramarital sex is just a person that is out of control. For the born again believer, the fruit of the Spirit is self control. When we receive Jesus as Lord, we are now capable of self control. Whether we act on, or employ self control is completely a decision that must be made, before the next move is made.
Behind the secrets of men reveals a person that is not in control. To be in control means that you know how to subdue yourself and discipline yourself (see 1 Corinthians 9:27).
But it also means that exposure and discovery must take place (see John 3:20-21 and Ephesians 5:8-16).
We men are seldom honest about ourselves. We know that sexual sins stuff is going on in our minds and hearts, and flesh, but to tell someone about the reality of what our minds and flesh encounters, to keep that a secret, allows the world of fantasy to reign supreme.
Unchecked and unchallenged, we can look like we are thinking about God and harbor the sexual objectification shape of a woman or man in our minds. We can easily, and simultaneously suppress the conscience and the Holy Spirit’s convicting power to conveniently file that, and many other sexual images (see Galatians 5:16-21).
Now what if you are practicing these things?
Look closely at verse 21.
When you struggle and fail, you are not struggling, you practiced.
You see, there is a vast difference between the struggle and the practice.
When you are struggling, you are fighting not to let it overcome you, and you intend to win before crossing the line. Struggle and fail is not the goal. Struggle and win over the flesh and mind’s urge and impulses is the achievable, actionable goal.
For married men, it is about controlling sexual urges and impulses until it is time, within marriage, to have sex.
As far as masturbation, it is about shutting it down and declaring it as sin.
Masturbation is a selfish act that defies the purpose of sex as designed by God called the “one flesh” principle of Genesis 2:24.
Self sex is unnecessary if you are married.
For single men, it is called “abstinence.”
So to move from abstinence to self control or managing sex, you need to get married to a woman.
On the other hand. There is no “struggle.”
There is just a willful desire to quickly subdue any attempt to resist false, or fantasy sex.
In other words, you’ve consciously made up your mind to sin.
Speaking for me, for 33 years, there was no struggle.
There was an intentional, deliberate act to sin. The mind was made up. Provision to sin was already a done deal (see Romans 13:11-14).
When you are not willing to discuss with another trusted person or persons what is really going on in your heart, mind, and flesh, such refusal only opens the door for sexual trouble.
As always, one thing always leads to another.
The lines we say we would never cross, eventually get crossed. And we inherit the whirlwind.
So what are we to do?
Many men will keep their secrets. Many will refuse to tell a soul.
But some are ready to toss the secret for freedom in Christ.
“If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.”
Wives will wonder why they are no longer sexually attractive to their husbands. Many will go for months without sex. Many will live with the knowledge of a man’s secret, and not say a word. Some (very,very few) will even go and do likewise behind their husband’s back- so few because most women want to maintain their marriages.
So how does a man break his secrets?
He must get the courage before he crosses another line. When a man knows that something is about to go down, it is his inner intuition, conscience, voice of his spirit and human reasoning, that when you are contemplating going to the next level that you begin to get warning signs that something is about to be set off.
Most men mistakenly bypass the stop sign and either hit something or they get hit. Failure to heed the warning brings the consequences to bear on a man where the cost is beyond what’s left in the account of grace.
Then again, the last measure of grace may be hidden in the backseat of a police car.
Or you, perhaps, ran out of grace and ran right into mercy. The prison house.
And for others, neither is available.
“You have set our iniquities before You, our SECRET SINS in the light of Your countenance.” Psalm 90:8-9