PORN: A Pastor’s Quest To Break Free

It is indicated that over 50% of pastors struggle with porn.

It is an epidemic at this point. With easy access by way of the Internet and portable private devices, and other means of connecting to porn, the availability and accessibility to free porn is unlimited.

Walking out in the street and riding in the car, there is no lack of women wearing close to nothing and tight fitting clothing leaves nothing to the imagination. Women get daring at church services as well. These modern dresses above the knees and low cleavage dresses is a walking sexual time bomb. The failure to “cover up” for church service is detrimental to a man.

Truly, feminine power, unfortunately, is exhibited without regard to how it truly affects the hearts of men that desire to live holy.

For the men, Matthew 5:27-30 is quickly jettisoned and forget about the covenant with your eyes.

What is a pastor to do when temptation is around him? How can he escape the daily barrage of sexual temptation?

First, he must come to grips that there is very little that he can do about the way women dress, much less stop them from wearing sexually suggested clothing. We all know that most women desire the attention of men and will dress appropriately to get it. Even if they are married. This is not to say that women are to blame. Sadly, it is a give in.

Second, what is more important is what is going on in the mind of a man. According to Dr. William Struthers in his powerful book called “Wired For Intimacy,” we men have it bad. The responsibility is laid upon us to discipline our minds, guard our thoughts, and train our eyes. Even if it means to disrespect a woman. Not verbal reprimanding them or labeling them as hookers or whores. Just simply look in another direction. Especially you married men. Just look in another direction.

I like Stephen Arteburn’s book “Every Man’s Battle” which articulates what a man does when he is tempted to look. He instructs that a man should “bounce his eyes” else where. That’s real effective, by the way. It gives the mind little chance to “feast” on the flesh.

There are some that agree that there’s some things in his book that makes it very easy to fall into the same habits, patterns, and cycles that you are trying to break free of, but I also believe that a little honesty about what we do is necessary if we are going to be serious about breaking free.

Third, we must come to grips with the fact that grace is never an individual thing. The Lord uses other people to help us walk through the process of deliverance. We cannot see everything that goes on in our lives. The grace of God to break free comes in a variety of ways. From an accountability partner that you feel safe to share your inner secrets, to an association of fellow “valley walkers.”

With pastors, it can be a very lonely job and often, we believe that we can do it on our own. We believe that not only do we have the solutions to help others, we mistakenly believe that we can help ourselves. That means we assume the throne of God.

Well that is just another way to keep the Secret Sexual Sins embedded in our lives going a little longer. Pastors are notorious for making our lives secret and off limits to prying eyes.

We must remember that pornography is not an end in itself. It is the fuel for masturbation, prostitution, adulterous affairs, and homosexuality. No one does porn and never release sexual tension.

We as pastors must come to grips with the fact that Secret Sexual Sins is a hidden life of self deception.

The trigger that drive our out of control sex life must never be pulled. Even if the trigger is pulled, there must be enough of the love of God or love for God in us to never want to be a slave to our own bodies. As Paul said, our bodies were not created for fornication. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit. The moment we recognize that we are the temple where God dwells, should be the moment that we respect the purpose of the temple.

A habitation of God through the Spirit.

Steps To Break Free

1. Get Help.

Almost every starting point begins with either a discovery by your wife, or self admission of a sexual sin. The exposure, discovery, or self admission reveals that God was involved in getting you to admit your sexual sins. The thing that you have to do now is initiate getting the quality help. Sometimes we fall into the sin of denial so that we can stay attached to the porn.

Denial is just a part that remorse plays. True repentance means that you are done with Secret Sexual Sins. Remorse means that you will recover and continue in Secret Sexual Sins.

To get help, you need the help of qualified competent help to steer you and watch your progress along the way.

2. Never Make Up Your Own Rules Of Redemption.

When you make up your rules as to how long you are willing to be questioned, ministered to, and told what to watch and all, is the moment that you’ve made up in your mind that you will continue in sin. If you look at many of the men of God that prematurely cut off the path towards deliverance, they ended their sessions and resumed ministry, it is just a matter of time before they resume old habits, patterns, and cycles.

When you refuse to make up the rules and submit to a regimented discipline, it’s a good starting point.

This means that you are not in control of the amount of time that is needed to break free.

The grace of God must be worked into your life where there is a complete dismantling of trained habits, cycles and patterns for making provision to fulfill the lusts of the flesh, mind, and spirit. Just as it took time to train yourself to fulfill sin, it will take time to train righteousness within you.

This is, perhaps, the most difficult part. Relinquishing control of your hidden life. But it is necessary.

3. It Takes A Willingness To Submit To Scrutiny

Let’s face it. If we could trust ourselves, we wouldn’t need the spot light. Many of our hidden lives escape scrutiny because we became masters of hypocrisy and deception. We knew how to keep a lie going. When it is time to Come Clean, the game come to an abrupt end. Besides, there comes a point where one gets tired of keeping the game going.

4. Your Wife Is Just As Hurt, If Not Worse.

The attention of sexual sins is usually upon the man, but few realize that the wives suffer the brunt of sexual sins because the betrayal entered the home when the decision was made to look lustfully at another woman. The moment we look to get help, we must also look to get meaningful help for the wife to help her through the process of your recovery.

Your wife will play a critical role in your deliverance, but you have to remember that she is a person. The worse thing that you can do is isolate yourself further and make the process of deliverance all about you. This is another form of selfishness after the fact. The goal of the deliverance is to repair the breach by reestablishing your relationship with the Lord and then repair the breach in your relationship with your wife and children, if any.

These are just some helpful steps to get started on the road to completely break free of pornography and masturbation.

Help! I’m Sexually Attracted To My Pastor

Too often, we only hear the pastor’s side of the scandal.

Some pastor’s have lust burning in their hearts. Some pastors engage in porn and self gratification. Some pastors look for sexual connections with parishioners. Some pastors are smitten when a bomb shell comes their way. Some pastors are ready to walk away from their wives in search for connections else where.

There is no question that certain women are smitten by smooth talking, good looking male preachers. Even if they are married. Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter.

Very few hear the woman’s side of the scandal.

1. Fact. Women look for connection.

2. Fact. Women are attracted to men in power and influence.

3. Fact. Women will sacrifice their bodies to achieve fulfillment, value, and self worth.

4. Fact. Women want what married women enjoy- to be loved, appreciated, and cared for by men.

5. Fact. Women use their beauty as a powerful tool of influence over men.

If these facts are to be refuted as non sense, then why does adultery take place in the church among pastors and Christian women?

Attraction is dangerous under the wrong conditions, however, too many are willing to risk it all for a one time sexual encounter with a pastor, married or not. This kind of behavior is unacceptable but it still happens because of a lack of inner discipline.

Sexual attraction is extremely dangerous for anyone that is tempted and cannot control their urges and impulses. Let alone, their eyes and their hidden feelings towards someone in a position of power and influence.

Unbridled lust and evil passions must be subdued, especially in the church.

We see that attraction to your married pastor is dead wrong. He is off limits. And even if he wasn’t married, he is still off limits. If that single pastor is called to be an eunuch, which is very rare, he is off limits (see Matthew 19:11-12).

While it is very difficult to harness your feelings when you are single, it is important for you to remember that if you are saved, your relationship with the Lord must be first and foremost. Your feelings must be subdued with prayer, fasting, and with acting or putting into practice the Word of God. Whatever emotional feelings of affections that you may have towards your pastor, they must be cast down according to 2 Corinthians 10:4-5.

Unfortunately, this is easier said than done because pastors do not make it easy. Especially if there is some kind of connection (daily and close personal interaction) that is one step away from disaster.

The repercussions and stigmatization placed upon a woman bent on crossing the line of being a home and church wrecker is not worth the effort.

Blame is to be imposed on the pastor that fails to exercise discipline or if the pastor is a “people person” with great personality and charisma.

One of the things that I’ve learned over the years is that as a man of God is preaching, the atmosphere is spiritually and emotionally charged. Sadly, it’s more emotionally charged.

Here’s the reason.

We are spirit and soul beings that live in a container. The spirit and soul are both eternal. However, the soul is more analytical, rational, and emotional. The born again spirit loves to worship and praise God. The Spirit of God leads our spirit man into the presence of the Lord and something lasting happens.

The lasting thing that happened is that we have encountered the Lord and something changed within us that brought us closer to the Lord, and deepened our relationship with Him.

And we get a bonus.

Our spirit man is already changed by the new birth except the spirit man receives glimpses of revelation and insight into understand more about God because He is Spirit.

The soul gains revelation and something in the soul changes in terms of how we respond to God. A renewing of the mind takes place that demands that we no longer think a certain way that goes against the Word of God.

The body is disciplined so as not to violate the Word of God once revelation is received. Therefore, revelation, once acted upon in true obedience, brings us into a deeper relationship with God.

The bonus is that the soul gains an understanding and becomes exuberant or extremely joyous. So as the soul experiences some measure of satisfaction and joy, because joy is an emotion, our bodies, as they are presented to the Lord gets in on the exuberance.

What then happens is that if we are not careful, if we let our emotions (male and female) go unchecked, this is where thoughts and human will power are the most vulnerable. That’s why the Word of God is used as a check because when the soul is opened up, if there is no guidance from the Scriptures or obedience to the Scriptures during the time a person is open to the Word of God, there is a tremendous opportunity for a person to be taken advantaged of.

Jesus and Paul gives very powerful insights as to how we are to control our urges and impulses.

In Matthew 26:41, Jesus said, “Watch and pray lest you fall into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak.”

In 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, Paul said, “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but might through God to the pulling down of strongholds, casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”

Paul also said in Romans 12:2 and Ephesians 4:23 to be “transformed by the renewing of your minds” and “be renewed in the spirit of your mind…”

So both the pastor and the women must engage in prayer, constantly engage in a purging of the mind by casting down reasonings that attempt to exalt itself against the knowledge of God, and to constantly renew the mind and the spirit of your minds with the Word of God.

Married and single (eunuch) pastors would do well to employ an array of safeguards to avoid traps set up by the enemy. It’s not a matter of if, it is a matter of when. Just as there are predatory pastors, there are predatory women.

There’s two classes.

1. The Jezebel Woman. Her only goal is to achieve spiritual power and control by sacrificing her body. As long as the man (Ahab) is in power, she rules. Even after having one sexual encounter, for a Jezebel, she is only concerned about one thing, how much power she could wield. Even after the anointing has left off of the pastor, she will find a way to make it seem as if he is still anointed.

2. The Immoral Woman. They are either adulterers or fornicators. Their only goal is connection. They too, will also sacrifice their bodies to achieve connection, sexual satisfaction (orgasm/dopamine), love, acceptance, and worth.

The immoral women will serve as a direct or indirect attack from the devil. Indirect in the sense that they are looking only to fulfill their own needs. Direct attacks are ones that receive direct orders from the devil to go after a specific target. Some of you may not believe it but look at what happened to Peter after he got revelation from the Father in Matthew chapter 16. Also when Judas was about to betray the Lord, satan entered into him in Luke 22:3 and John 13:27.

I cannot easily classify the next issue because this is the more common occurrence in the church.

Emotional Unstable Women.

The predatory pastor is always on the lookout to take advantage of these kinds of women. Unsuspecting emotionally charged women cannot be fully blamed because by nature, they are willing, and their emotions could flip from feeling pain to receiving and falling into sexual temptation.

And pastors knows this. When pastors play the “script” of a caring pastor, predator pastors turn on the charm and before you know it, they are in bed. The emotionally charged woman is swept off her feet and before you know it, they have sinned.

Then there are the rapist pastors that use strong-arm tactics to demand sex and spiritually warn them not to mention it to anyone. Predatory pastors use every tool, including spiritual words similar to the Bible to justify their Secret Sexual Sins.

Before, during, and after service, most people already come with an agenda to accomplish. If they are already filled in their minds about being attracted to a married pastor, then there is nothing that could be done except to pray that the pastor has safeguards in place to prevent sexual immorality.

We also know that women outnumber men in church attendance, so the attraction meter is off the scale.

For single women, it is very challenging.

In a large venue (mega church) it is not as dangerous but it is still potentially dangerous because under the right set of circumstances and happenstance, emotional atmospheres has a way of igniting “sparks” under the “right” conditions.

Again, a pastor’s most vulnerable point is when the service is over. Emotionally drained, mentally and spiritually depleted, he could be caught off guard and that’s how the enemy sets a sex trap. When you are upon the mountain top, the descent from His presence is very treacherous if the proper safeguards are not in place.

When there is an expenditure of the human spirit, there must be replenishment, protection, and wisdom deposited back into the vessel.

Even during service, where women sit and what they wear is part of the process of sexual attraction. Pastors that fail to exercise spiritual discipline in their secret lives are prone to these kinds of attacks from the enemy (satan).

What is done after service is the tale of the tape for many pastors. Where they go, who they see, what they do at home, what they watch on the street and on the TV? All these factors determines how well a pastor replenishes, protects, and apply his or her heart unto wisdom to steer clear of sexual temptation.

As a woman, it is important for you to understand that you need to exercise caution. There is very little that you can do if a pastor is lust minded but you must also be aware that what you do, say, and wear are signals to any man. You cannot get into the mind of a man and make him change his thoughts. It’s not your fault. However, you can have an understanding about how men think.

Femininity is power and women will use it to their advantage.

Seduction is power and women will use it to their advantage.

The church must not be the place where these powers attempt to distract the pastor. On the other hand, sinful pastors are already sinfully minded and he will yield to sexual temptation any way.

So what happens in church under the “right” sinful conditions set by attraction and seduction?

First, a man of God is anointed by the Lord. When he is ministering under a strong anointing, the Holy Spirit can make any unattractive vessel very attractive. He could be a five hundred pound individual, yet, the anointing makes him look good.

It is known that after an immoral encounter, whatever esteem you had for that pastor is gone. However, because a connection took place, and because you want to keep the relationship going, you will suppress the guilt and shame.

Second, after yielding to sexual temptation, you will be saying, “What in the world have I done?”

At the same time, what feelings, good, or whatever were experienced, sometimes it has a way of suppressing the Holy Spirit’s conviction of sin within you. This is where you do not want to be because no sin is justified in the eyes of the Lord and that’s how delusional thinking becomes a stronghold in the mind of a woman that desires to do everything possible to stay with that man based on an unjustified, sinful soul tie.

Listen closely to what Proverbs 30:20 says,

“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, and says, “I have done no wickedness.”

Sex to her is like eating and enjoying the meal, guiltless.

RECOMMENDATIONS

That’s why it is important for a woman that is having these attractions to consider getting counseling. Not from that pastor whom she may be attracted to. And not with his wife. Consider approaching a trusted elderly church mother. Someone with God’s Word and wisdom that can help you understand some things about yourself.

Consider leaving that church and finding another church. Put some distance to regain the real reason why you go to church. Enter into times of prayer, fasting, and meditating on the Word to keep your mind from entertaining thoughts about that pastor you may be attracted to.

Engage in activities that intentionally distract you from thoughts of sexual immorality. Find a group of sanctified women that is involved in Christ centered activities.

From the women’s prospective, it is important for the church to raise up godly women that bring honor and praise to the Lord.

Church, it’s time to be holy even as He is holy.

To hear more about sexual immorality, MOAB in the Church, please listen to our groundbreaking series on Secret Sexual Sins at www.blogtalkradio.com/prevailingword1

The “L” Word; Understanding The Origin Of Lesbianism

We all know that the word “lesbian” describes female homosexuality but where did it come from?

According to one source, it is Lesbos, the name of a Greek island located northeast of the Aegean Sea. One meaning of the word lesbian derives from the poems of Sappho, who was born in Lesbos and who wrote with powerful emotional content directed toward other females. It is interesting to note that she was married and did have children.

It is known that lesbians would take tourist trips to this island. While this may not seem important, everything has a place of origin. While this is not the place of origin for homosexual behavior, we are aware of the strong emotional attachments to this island and to Sappho’s poems regarding the lifestyle is undeniably present.

Regardless, I find that any reprehensible lifestyle cloaked in the cultural aspects of poetry is demonic smoke in mirrors. I know that this will make many readers very angry, however, my intent is not to stir the brew of militant anger.

I just want to reveal the fact that there is an objective to the cloak.

There is no way possible to dress sin up to make sin seem harmless. We must be careful not to be sympathetic to what God hates.

This is why many homosexuals accuse believers in Christ of being narrow minded or un-inclusive. No matter which way you explain the fact that sin is what Jesus died for, the homosexual community doesn’t mind if any other sin is reprehensible. Just their “sexual orientation” is not to be considered sin. Just as Dr. Michael Brown’s detailed book, “A Queer Thing Happened To America,” so eloquently lays out.

That’s the whole idea about hate legislation and same sex marriage.

The other argument is that it’s about love for another person of the same sex. Have you considered the fact that the “love” for that person needs to be transposed into searching for the deep seated need to be loved by God?

If I can reduce or completely eliminate the pain of the stigmatization attached to homosexuality without coming to God on His terms, then I can be at peace about the way that I want to live my life. But have you noticed that your conscience is still talking to you?

Even your own conscience is suppressed because of accepting the false notion that this is what you want and that you are happy.

Why is it that you fight depression if you are “happy?”

Shame brings depression. And because you do not know Who to go to (God), sometimes suicidal tendencies emerge because the pressure of the stigmatization, shame, and despondency over the commission of homosexual sin squeezes you to make a fatal decision.

The cessation of life to find relief.

Exactly what the devil wants you to do to seal the deal.

Depressed about the stigmatization and looking for acceptance by the world and the church. Depressed that this is not working as you thought it would. Each day, you fool yourself into thinking that this is what you want out of life.

That’s the true essence of autonomy.

Life without God.

For argument’s sake, why is there a consequence for sin? For instance if you get infected with a sexually transmitted disease, contracting that disease was a risk you’ve accepted.

Through STDs, the Lord is communicating to us three very basic things.

First, it is sin.

Second, there is a consequence if you commit such a sin.

Third, if you repent and forsake sin, you will obtain mercy. I’ll forgive your sin if you repent and walk away from it forever. God loves you enough to tell you that you are going against Me and My will. You were never designed for perversion. You were created to glorify God.

Sin is defiance or autonomy of God.

Disease is supposed to be a deterrent to sin, but you ignore it because you insist on having it your way like Burger King.

Ignoring deterrents is like you’re on a high speed chase down a oneway street. The next five blocks is nothing but red lights or stop signs but you insist on proceeding at dangerously high speeds, thinking that you would never get into an accident. You make it through the first stop sign with no problem but the next one would be your last.

A T-Bone.

Sin is opposite of the nature of God. Sin is inconsistent with His character of Holy, Love, Truth, Righteousness, and Faithfulness.

And God doesn’t hate lesbians, homosexuals, sodomites, adulterers, fornicators, and bisexuals. He says that they will not inherit the kingdom of God according to 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, but you can have verse 11 if you dare to come to Jesus.

Contrary to what you have heard, there are “extreme believers” that strongly voice to the homosexual community that “God hates you.” This is an extreme error on the “extreme believers” part. They do not know the Word of God and they are voicing their opinion in anger apart from what the Scripture reveals.

Why would you assume that God hates you when He sent His Son, in love, to save you?

If God hated you, He would never have sent His Son to die for you to save you from your sins. He would have saved the effort because anyone that hates you wouldn’t waste any time, let alone His life and blood, for you.

But He did.

Just for you!

God loves you no matter what you decide to do. If you decide to live a sinful lifestyle, that is your decision and God respects that. If you decide to come out of that lifestyle, the Lord’s love for you doesn’t change.

His love for you is consistent.

Otherwise John 3:16 would be a farce.

The one thing that we have to understand from the Scripture’s standpoint is that sin is incompatible with His nature. Because sin is inconsistent with His nature, sin cannot be allowed in His presence. Otherwise, the death of Jesus was in vain.

When God created male and female, He didn’t create them in perversion. He created them in perfection. He told them to be fruitful and multiply. Before they were created, the world was created and everything was to reproduce after its own kind. It was God’s original intent to give male and female the delegated power to reproduce Himself in man.

What does this have to do with lesbianism or homosexuality?

Same sex can’t copulate to reproduce.

You will never see a case where a man impregnates another man. He can’t receive seed. Shooting sperm during oral sex and anal sex doesn’t count. He can only give seed. He has no eggs and he cannot give birth because of his bodily design. He doesn’t have a uterus, a womb, or a birth canal.

Woman are bodily designed to give birth but they need to be impregnated by a man.

You will never see a case where a female impregnates a female because she cannot inseminate another woman.

It takes sexual intercourse to become one flesh and to reproduce after it’s own kind. The only thing that is bodily transmitted when same sex couples “act out” sexually is sexually transmitted diseases.

Even with straight couples that fornicate and adulterate, an illegitimate pregnancy and STDs underscores the illegitimacy of the relationship. The woman receives the brunt from two fronts. First, she’s a whore, adulteress, fornicator, or she prostituted herself and, second, she carries a baby out of wedlock. For the man, all he gets away with is STDs and or, he is an adulterer, fornicator and is an irresponsible biological father of a child out of wedlock.

You did it without God.

True autonomy.

The true legitimacy of marriage is not just in the exchange of vows because marriage is validated by offspring from a solemnized, bonafide relationship between two opposite sex persons without artificial insemination, adoption, or surrogacy.

Therefore, same sex can only alienate and indoctrinate to perpetuate LGBT myths to gain unattainable legitimacy.

When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, they would still have the delegated power to reproduce but with a fallen nature. This produced in man the option to be dependent upon God to live or live independently of God and die.

In either case, we are all subject to physical death, but, through His Son, we can physically die but we can eternally live when we accept the provision of salvation from the Father, through His Son, the Lord Jesus.

We must remember that the Father gave you a free will to choose. If you decide that this is what’s best for you, God is not going to force you out. It is not the job of believers in Christ to force people to come to Jesus.

It is the job of the believer to offer freedom from all sin through a relationship with the Father, and with His Son, the Lord Jesus. It is the job of the believer to refute doctrinal error that blatantly attempt to be empathetic to those involved in the bondages of sin.

After all of the explanations of attempting to justify a sinful lifestyle, isn’t it still interesting that there is no explanation or human solution to sin except the remedy provided by the Father?

Autonomy has no legs where grace is preached and accepted.

Remember, Jesus didn’t die for our sins so that we could continue in sin.

Jesus died so that we can be freed from sin.

“He whom the Son sets free is free indeed.”

To be free from sin is the heart of the Father, exhibited in the sending of His Son to die for all of man.

The object of believing in Christ is not to hate people. Hating anyone is reprehensible and clearly against what Christ taught.

For the Bible tells us,

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

We must remember that the purpose of the life, death, burial, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ is to save us from our sins, so we would not perish. That’s right. Perish!

Yes, if we neglect so great a salvation, God is still God of judgment. His Son was sent to the earth to die for us so that we would not perish. How can a loving God send sinful man to perish?

According to John chapter 3, it’s because of your choice to remain in darkness when the Father, through His Son, made a way out for you. You couldn’t make a way out for yourself because you were helpless. So He came to help you out. Yet, you throw His salvation back at Him and said, “No, thanks!”

What is there left for God to do? He will not take you into the kingdom in the condition you are in. Just like at certain high profile parties, it’s a black tie affair, jeans are not allowed.

Heaven is a White Throne affair, sin is not allowed.

We all know that death is coming, but the promise of eternal life is given to those that desire to be free from sin.

“For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 6:23

If you are a lesbian or a homosexual, God loves you so much. More than you will ever know. He will not force you to change. However, He is waiting to accept you where you are. He is prepared to take your broken life and put it all back together again.

The love, peace, and joy that you were searching for in the sin of homosexuality, you will find only in Jesus.

Just do not take it from a man’s point of view. If you are interested in deliverance from lesbianism, we recommend these authors and their testimony.

Who Said It Couldn’t Be Done by Denise Jones, MS

From Lesbianism To Grace by Michelle Smith.

For lasting peace from the lifestyle of sin, please click the “Sexual Addiction Recovery” portion in this blog. It will lead you to some of the most powerful sites to help you come out of the lifestyle of Secret Sexual Sins.

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